The Bible does not say that cats were not present at Herod's birthday party when John the Baptist was beheaded. History shows that cats were most likely present at this tragic party that Jehovah did not approve of. Clearly then, as loyal Christians, why would we even want to associate with animals that are without a doubt of such bad influence, remembering how true are the Bible's words: 'Bad associations spoil useful habits'! -1 Cor. 15:33. Some have exposed themselves to possible spiritual contamination in this way. To invite cats in our house is to toy with disaster. Can one deny that the chance exists that the same grave consequences could visit your home that fell upon John? Clearly, God disapproved of this 'birthday' party. Should we not then disapprove (without showing any malicious intent, only Godly hatred) of cats the way the scriptures recommend?
85 comments
I really don't think this is for real. the argument is too obviously flimsy, and taken too pointedly seriously, and the reaction to it too exaggerated. maybe I'm just trying to avoid believing people are this stupid, but I'm calling poe.
God made cats, yet cats are evil...
God made you, yet you are a fucking moron...
I'm afraid that I am unable to rationalize the behavior of your god. It seems more rational to conclude that you are imprinting your own instability on a fictional character of your own creation.
For once I agree with the fundie. Last thing America needs is more of those fuzzy bastards running around demanding praise every time they half-kill a chipmunk and drop it on our feet.
You can tell they're Satanic on account of how vigorously their hunting flaunts the laws of nature. I've never had a cat bring me a live rodent. I've never even had one bring me a dead one. They're always half-killed, kind of squirmy and bloody and gross.
And they expect to be petted non-stop. Assholes. They also often look at me funny and/or somehow manage to unroll all of the toilet paper. ;-)
I find it hard to believe that this late in the day you all still haven't decided to hate cats.
The Gatekeeper is a cat, don't you know? A Siamese, iirc.
Cats had nothing to do with John being beheaded. You might as well say that because a mime was outside the grocery store when it got robbed, that mimes are a bad influence.
But I wouldn't blame you for hating them. Mimes are creepy bastards.
You think they found out that Celing Cat is watching them masterbate?
Honestly, who came up with the idea that cats are evil? Cats are sweet, loving animals...if you feed them and take care of them. I own several, so I know this.
Leave the kittys alone...or Celing cat will keep watching you...
On the off-chance that this isn't a Poe, I might point out that a similar superstition about cats might have contributed to the spread of the Black Death. People were convinced that the evil cats were responsible for the "curse", and killed them allowing the rats that actually carried the plague to multiply unchecked.
The Bible does not say that chicken was not eaten at Herod's birthday party when John the Baptist was beheaded. History shows that chicken was most likely eaten at this tragic party that Jehovah did not approve of. Clearly then, as loyal Christians, why would we even want to associate with animals that are without a doubt of such bad influence, remembering how true are the Bible's words: 'Bad associations spoil useful habits'! -1 Cor. 15:33
People were present at Herod's birthday party too, dumbfuck. And I bet they had food, too! Better stop eating right away, inviting food into your home is toying with disaster!
As I recall, the Bible doesn't say carlo was not present at Herod's birthday party, either. Therefore, I suspect he's just framing felines to throw us off the trial. (He would blame dogs, except that Fido is already taking the rap for all those gaseous odors erupting from carlo's hiney.)
You do know what happened after your "predecessors" burned cats?
They killed Roma, Lepers and Jews because they thought that the plague was from them... Not because they killed the predators of rats in cities.
What happened to biblical literalism? Cats aren't in the bible. And condemning cats certainly wouldn't be there (one would hope). This is the dumbest excuse for hating cats I've ever seen. I'm not a big cat lover either, but I certainly don't hate them, and I would never demonize them. This is stupid to the extreme.
This paragraph was chosen because it's the most flimsy and retarded. The entire diatribe is 18 paragraphs of Jehova's Witness flavored stupid.
Personally I think the win is here:
Indeed, modern studies of classification of cats, while not necessarily being reliable as they may be based on the discredited 'theory' of evolution, strongly associate felines with serpents (despite some external differences in physiology and morphology, which confuse those who do not study these matters deeply).
I think this is why Chrisians keep getting eaten by lions.
As far as biblegod goes, he loves him some malicious intent with his gawdly hatred. You, on the other hand, are a superstitious retard.
I don't remember being at Herod's BP, in fact, I don't believe I was even invited, but I must have been there, because it isn't in the bible. I don't remember lots of parties that people tell me I attended...must have been a good one!
The hatred and killing of cats was to a significant extent the reason behind the dramatic spread of bubonic plague. Cats, even wild cats, would have killed the rats that carried the fleas that spread the disease to humans.
As to the fact that cats were not mentioned as being absent from a feast can be construed as showing they were present...Sotty. A negative is no proof. Besides, why would YHWH want to creat cats if they were going to be responsible for cutting off the Baptist's head?
Actually, this whole posting is out of the lunatic asylum. As I sit and type, my cat is purring contentedly as she contemplates the secret name of God. And it's not Jehovah!
Finally, there is no such thing as Jehovah. It's a mistransliteration. So much for your biblical scholarship.
Actually the bible doesn't mention cats, therefore they don't exist. Of course that's rather difficult to explain to them, especially at dinner time. Maybe I should trade them in on a nice unicorn, the bible says those exist.
image
Matthew 15: 11
The reference is to food, but the message is clear: evil comes from within a person, not from any external forces.
I have to agree, cats are little bastards. They stay out in my back yard yowling, screwing and/or fighting, and generally scaring the shit out of my Yorkie.
This doesn't make this quote any less stupid, though.
And through this whole diatribe, there was not one mention of snake owners. According to the xtian bible, aren't snakes reeeeealy bad?
Own a kitty, and you're damned to hell. Own snakes, and you're okay, especially if you are a Christian snake dancer...you know, the guys that think they can handle poisonous snakes because they think their god will protect them from the snake's venom?
Duh.
OMG you are so right, Carlo. I just threw out my copy of the blasphemous Aristocats, and then flogged the little girl giving out kittens at the local King Kullen. Little usurper of God's would-be Kingdom...who does she think she is? I'm currently in the process of throwing cheese all over my house. Since cats are bad, mice must be Christ-like, right?
Rodents of the world, come to my domicile and save my immortal soul! I guess minks, too (although they're a little too Catholic for my tastes).
'History shows that cats were most likely present at this tragic party '
keyword search at bible.com for cats/feline produced negative results
I suspect Poe, but if not, my cats have created a giant hairball in your honor. Could you please come pick it up?
image image image image image image image image image
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
