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Quote# 54237

[In the "Write your Rapture fantasy" thread]

I was sitting in my biology class, taking my exam. Suddenly I hear the loudest, most beautiful horn I have EVER heard in my entire life. I quickly look around and notice that time has frozen; the clock has stopped ticking and the other kids are frozen, pencils to the paper, heads down.

An overwhelming joy fills my heart. This is it! Suddenly I feel a WHOOSH, and I look down to see my clothes in a neat little pile next to my desk. I am clothed in a dazzling white robe, so beautiful it seems to be decorated in starlight. My body looks completely different, glorified and completely healthy. I feel myself rising, above the science building...up...up...and WOW, I'm in the clouds, above the earth, in SPACE!

There are people all around me, laughing, crying tears of joy, celebrating, shouting praises to God; two guys near me even gave eachother hi-fives. I see my mom, the one woman I was able to get through to in my family, and we embrace in the air, whispering praises to God. I see my friend Wayne, a fellow "fundie" who, along with me, had the guts to do weekly online bible studies, despite the constant criticism and mocking. We see others who we have reached through that ministry, including our friends Monet and Brooke. There are so many people I know, flying up with me to meet Jesus in the air, along with millions more I have never met but am excited to meet soon.

And suddenly we slow down...and before us, clothed in what only can be described as light, brilliant, colorful light, was Jesus. His arms were open in a warm embrace, a beautiful and loving smile adorning his face. Oh how I long to run into those arms right then and there! Yet at the same time I feel this sense of unworthiness; what to I have to deserve such an indescribably wonderful blessing such as eternal life with Christ? I don't even deserve to tie his shoelaces He looks right at me, his eyes piercing into my soul. I fall down before him, sobbing in joy and in shame. "Lord, I don't deserve this...the things I've done--"

"My child, those records have been wiped clean. I remember your sins no more," Christ replies gently. He reaches out and takes my hand, and before I know it I throw myself into His arms, tears of pure joy, gratitude, and love coursing down my face. "Thank you Lord, thank you Lord, thank you so much.." I chant, over and over. He holds me close, tipping my face towards His. He proceeds to wipe my tears away, and I am filled with overwhelming joy. I smile bigger than a face is humanly possible of smiling and shout "Praise the Lord Jesus Christ! Praise Him!"

Katia_0203, RR 92 Comments [12/18/2008 12:59:08 AM]
Fundie Index: 9
WTF?! || meh
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dpareja

And then your Big Angry God comes along and says "But I remember them!" and you're sent to burn in hell for all eternity.

12/18/2008 1:04:04 AM

Berny

Too bad it didn't happen and you still had to write that exam after failing to study for it.

12/18/2008 1:05:33 AM

Ayersy

Coo-coo!

12/18/2008 1:06:20 AM

DevilsChaplain

"I was sitting in my biology class, taking my exam. Suddenly I hear the loudest, most beautiful horn I have EVER heard in my entire life."
When suddenly I realized I just wet myself.

"I quickly look around and notice that time has frozen"
And lo and behold, the custodial workers hadn't changed the clock's batteries.

"An overwhelming joy fills my heart."
Along with shortness of breath and...my left arm is numb for some reason...

"I feel myself rising, above the science building...up...up...and WOW, I'm in the clouds, above the earth, in SPACE!"
And from then on, I never took LSD before Bio class ever again.

"There are people all around me, laughing, crying tears of joy, celebrating, shouting praises to God; two guys near me even gave eachother hi-fives."
While we watched the single mothers and faggots burning in a pool of lava below, orgasming all the way.

"I see my friend Wayne, a fellow "fundie" who, along with me, had the guts to do weekly online bible studies, despite the constant criticism and mocking."
And they thought WE were crazy for believing in imaginary friends...

"
And suddenly we slow down...and before us, clothed in what only can be described as light, brilliant, colorful light, was Jesus."
Or Tommy Chong, I always get those two mixed up.

"I don't even deserve to tie his shoelaces."
Let alone wash his balls.

"My child, those records have been wiped clean."
Or lost in Heaven's endless bureaucracy. Did I mention St. Peter was a dirty pollack?

"I smile bigger than a face is humanly possible of smiling"
Plastic surgery, Jesus-style!




12/18/2008 1:08:22 AM

stoat100

'An overwhelming joy fills my heart. This is it! Suddenly I feel a WHOOSH'

Oxycontin... it's my wife and it's my life...

12/18/2008 1:10:20 AM

Rat of Steel

"[In the "Write your Rapture fantasy" thread]"

Why is the key word in that thread title--FANTASY--so easy for the RR-tards to miss?

12/18/2008 1:11:42 AM

Dr. Funkenstein

And meanwhile your biology class is better off for having lost students who refuse to accept evolution.

12/18/2008 1:12:01 AM



Stop writing bad fundie fanfiction NOW!

I swear, I'm tempted to start trolling you bastards with frightening slash fiction involving unspeakables...

12/18/2008 1:13:16 AM

Bill O'Rly

And then you wake up and wipe the cum off your sheets right?

12/18/2008 1:13:42 AM

Giveitaday

You actually think that your "god" is just going to snatch you up from the world without warnig, but then he/she/it is going to fold your clothes and place them next to your desk in a neat pile? Yeah, that's going to make a lot of people think that is was an alien abduction or terrorist WMD attack like you idiots keep fantasizing that everyone will think that's what happened?

"Well Steve was just standing right there and then *WOOSH* Steve was gone, the aliens took 'im but the they ironed, pressed, and folded his clothes when they did it you see

12/18/2008 1:14:00 AM

anevilmeme

More Rapture Porn from our crazy friends at RR.......

12/18/2008 1:16:18 AM

Seigi no Mikata

who, along with me, had the guts to do weekly online bible studies, despite the constant criticism and mocking.

Bitter, much?

12/18/2008 1:17:18 AM

clockworkgirl21

tears of pure joy, gratitude, and love coursing down my face


HAHAHAHAHAHA!

12/18/2008 1:21:32 AM

MichaelL

Jesus is coming! Jesus is coming! Woosh! Jesus came...

12/18/2008 1:27:32 AM

DaMentalFunism

Yeah! High fives! Woo!

12/18/2008 1:29:50 AM

John

Then the dentist says "Shhhh easy, now ... OK, we're all done. We'll take impressions for the bridge after your gums heal. Make an appointment for two weeks on your way out."

12/18/2008 1:32:15 AM

Illuminatalie

Spiritual masturbation.

12/18/2008 1:35:40 AM



I thought like this when I was like, 12. This is just kind of sad.

12/18/2008 1:38:09 AM

Headache

My body looks completely different, glorified and completely healthy.

Are most of you people disabled, disfigured or chronically ill? If not, you can get a healthy body all by yourself you know? No need to salivate to Rapture porn fantasies you know, get your ass off the coach and start getting a healthy body.

12/18/2008 1:41:53 AM

Fdragon

and then you get to see the rest of the world suffer?

Right?

12/18/2008 1:42:45 AM

Detrs

Gross man. I don't want to read your masturbation fantasies.

12/18/2008 1:42:48 AM

CrazyRoper

Yeah...erotic jesus fanfics are a little disturbing.

12/18/2008 1:45:25 AM

Equalist

Porn for Jeebus!

12/18/2008 1:46:52 AM

The Outsider

Again, I want to thank whichever one of you glorious bastards started that thread. Comedy goldmine!

12/18/2008 1:53:20 AM

Dark_Lord_Prime

Tenses: you fail at them.

12/18/2008 2:00:28 AM
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