My rapture fantasy involves an evangelical church near the house.
Sunday, people file in for the service (doubleparking in the street as usual, because parking 10 feet further away, in the parking lot, is too much of a burden for the Chosen People). Friends and I picket across the street with 'the end is near' signs.
References to one or more political positions that offend the Evangelicals dot the signs: gay marriage, transsexuals in bathrooms, vote democrat, Trump is a lying, misogynistic, corrupt pig.
As the doors close, we drop the signs and dump empty clothes on the ground. We leave shoes in the grass with dry ice in the toes.
The Faithful step outside, after a good 'Rapture is coming' sermon, and see that those liberal so-called-Christains, THEY were the ones 'taken up' in the Rapture.
They realize that they were NOT the ones God was looking for.
They lost.
Panic ensues. Fights break out. Fingers are pointed. "I wanted to join MOM'S church, but NOOOOO! YOU said this was the right church! YOU said we'd be God's favorites here!"
Otherwise staunch citizens begin behaving as if there is no tomorrow, or at least, there's no benefit to living a valorous life, as God's already made His choices.
Fourteen car accidents in the first ten minutes of people trying to leave. The ground is littered with ties and coats... And panties. It begins to look like that Trek episode with The Festival.
The cops arrive, but people know we're in The End Times and tell them to fuck off. They find this thrilling and toss the F-bomb around with gay abandon.
We come out of the parked vans and pick up our signs and clothes. We drive off, already editing the videos and posting clips.
