The thing that he said that was like a sucker punch to my gut was this: I need to respect my husbands place as the head of the household even if there is nothing else to respect about him. You need a starting point, and
even if you can't respect your husband you need to respect his place. I wasent respecting his place that God has given him because he is so veeeerrrry imperfect.

...But, God really had to give dh some major smack-downs to get his attention and humble him. They were humiliating things that I never want to go through again but, it worked. Getting out of God's way and letting Him do His work is the most effective way. Painful yes.......but effective. One of the most remarkable things the Lord did with dh's smack-downs was make it about things that I had advised him against.