If I could, I'd run to Him, throw my arms around His neck and shower Him with kisses. As it is, I fall on my knees at all sorts of times of the day and tell Him of my love for Him. I ask Him all the time how I can find ways to show Him I love Him all day long. I will spontaneously throw kisses upward at Him as I'm driving, or sitting here, or worshiping Him in song. I spend hours a day searching for Him in His Word to me. I can't get enough of Him. :)
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I ask Him all the time how I can find ways to show Him I love Him all day long.
According to DL Hughley, saying "fuck Costco, let's stay home, drink wine, and watch a porno" is ace. Swallowing seals the deal.
SHE SAID SIGN YOUR NAME ON THE DOTTED LINE, THE LIGHTS WENT OUT AND VALERIE STARTED TO GRIND, YEEEEEOOOOOOOOW.
Okay, that's downright disturbing.
You guys are supposed to love Jesus, not want to fuck him.
.And all those truckers thought those kiss where for them ..
...I'd run to Him, throw my arms around His neck and shower Him with kisses.
...I fall on my knees...and tell Him of my love for Him.
I ask Him all the time how I can find ways to show Him I love Him all day long.
I will spontaneously throw kisses upward at Him...
I spend hours a day searching for Him...I can't get enough of Him.
I've dated girls like this before. It never ends well.
I recall reading something somewhere, that these people will make comments like this to show to the world how fulfilled they feel as a show as a denial of how, deep down, how hollow they are...not to mention to prove to the rest of the flock that they are real true believers, because there's no way that when everyone else feels so good and satisfied, that they should feel so empty. This? Smacks of it.
Such a sad waste of a life,,,,,,,
Get some industrial strength knee pads.
1. Your knees need some protection, what with all that falling on them all the time.
2. They'll come in handy when you meet Jesus and he showers you with his sweet, sticky love ... all over your face.
This is absolutely pathetic. And creepy as hell. Not to mention gross as fuck.
Does it not occur to her that Jebus is not reciprocating?
This person needs real human relationships. And meds.
Is she infatuated with that abstract concept they call god?
my... she is really screwed up.
Pah, the ludicrousness of having the hotness for an intangible concept could never resist the all-dominating force of Rule 34.
"I spend hours a day searching for Him in His Word to me."
So is this like the world's hardest "Where's Waldo?" or something?I know they say God is omnipresent, but seriously...
My Dad loves folk-rock (which is probably why I like Beck now, he's anti-folk ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH). This woman's yearning for Godly beefcake reminds of the Lucinda Williams song, PASSIONATE KISSES.
The thing is, I know girls like this, and even the fundie guys are afraid of them. I mean, if the girl is really hot then occasionally some sort of fundie ubermench that she can stand will come along, but most of the "average" girls that are like this tend to wind up very lonely and sexually repressed. I feel sorry for them, really.
"If I could, I'd run him over, slice his neck, and shower him with bullets." The rest of this is too sexual too comment on.
I dumped you're ass.
Get over it.
I ask Him all the time how I can find ways to show Him I love Him all day long.
Hey, Joe, me so hoany! Me numbah one boom-boom, love you long time ten dollah.
Stalker, much?
Also, I keep getting images of Mary Magdalene walking up to J and saying something like, "And just who the hell was SHE?!"
His response? "Oh, uh, listen baby, it's just one of those church things, you know how it is... where you goin'? Baby?"
Oh wow, you've a great future as a romance novelist ahead of you. In fact, if you drop your inhibitions a bit, you'll be a great porn writer.
I feel the same way about Linus Torvalds.
Oh, wait, you were being serious??
[doorbell rings]
Valerie: Hi. I'm a naughty schoolgirl selling magazine subscriptions for my church. Are you interested?
Jesus: Come inside, baby. [Opens door]
Valerie: I will if you will, stud.
[Door closes.]
I love my boyfriend too.
Oh, and my master, of course, but that's a different kind of love.
@Jadehawk:
I will. I really will. If you give them to me, I will go to a fundie church and hand them out and walk away.
If she hadn't mentioned the driving bit, I would have figured she was about 11 or 12. I was like that at 11-12 for whichever TV or pop star I was "in love" with at the time.
However, if she is old enough to drive and still behaving like this, she is extremely immature and in desperate need of a real life relationship.
Heh...Valerie found Jesus...then promptly tied him to a chair and locked him in the basement.
Why do I have a vision of her in a fetal position on the floor, rocking back and forth, singing "Jesus Loves Me This I Know"?
Sigh, Val, go and put that repressed sexual energy to good use on a real person, that's where Christian chastity movements get you.
Wow, you capitalized all the "Him"s and "He"s. Well, then again, I can't make fun of it seeing as how you also capitalized "I" and didn't make any other spelling mistakes...
I had a Celine Dion song playing in the background, and when I re -read this quote, I started cracking up. Just imagine Valerie skipping through a field of flowers with a glaze-eyed grin plastered on her face, blowing kisses to the sky while CD sings. It's like if Glenn Close's character from Fatal Attraction decided to do a douche commercial after getting saved.
Valerie, Valerie, how stupid can you get? He allegedly left you a whole book on how to show Him your love for Him. It's called the New Testament, ever heard of it? In it you can find things like "sell all your belongings and give the proceeds to the poor", "that which you do to the least of my people, you do unto me". You can also do as he did, for example throw out the money lenders and the merchants from the church grounds, or wash the feet of beggars and lepers, or leave your family and wander around preaching the word of God while relying on alms and handouts for your sustenance.
Sorry Valerie, but "he" doesn't exist.
You will die alone.
Well, you can't get any of him, actually, because he doesn't exist. Also, you should really look where you're going when you're driving.
"If I could, I'd run to Him, throw my arms around His neck and shower Him with kisses. As it is, I fall on my knees at all sorts of times of the day and tell Him of my love for Him. I ask Him all the time how I can find ways to show Him I love Him all day long. I will spontaneously throw kisses upward at Him as I'm driving, or sitting here, or worshiping Him in song. I spend hours a day searching for Him in His Word to me. I can't get enough of Him. :)"
Oh, if only you'd been at last year's San Diego Comic Con, Val...:
image
You'd have gotten your rocks off sooner than you'd expected. And this Jesus cosplayer would have had an even bigger smile on his face, that could only be removed with an industrial laser.
Either she is talking about Jesus or she is infatuated with an airline pilot.
Wait till he wants you to wash his feet and undies , robe , brush his ass (the four legged animal thats not an insect) and cook his meals.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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