Situations Vacant:
ANTICHRIST REQUIRED
Job will consist of taking up and carrying through all the duties of Antichrist. No remuneration except that the successful candidate will be permitted to harvest such souls as he/she may.
Duties will involve spreading disease, mayhem, war, famine, lust and death. Protective clothing is not provided.
The hours conditioned for this job are 24/24 and 7/7.
Only those with proper qualifications for the job should apply. Those whose applications are judged not to meet the demanding nature of the position will have their applications returned.
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The following are required of candidates:
- Working knowledge of Arabic, Aramaic, English, French and every other language of the world, especially Maori and the less spoken dialects of Papua Nui Gini;
- Ruthless and determined character with a distinct leaning towards evil;
- Asbestos underpants;
- Healthy constitution with strong resistance to disease, especially religion;
- Ability to ride four horses at once;
- Good Aim to shoot down in flames those who are being raptured. No pity allowed as they are arrogant gits anyway;
- The candidate will be required to live mainly in Megiddo, except when travelling on business.
- Most importantly, the candidate must possess own horns, tail, cloven hoof and pitchfork. (The clients expect this and they must not be disappointed.)
Signed: God & Devil
