Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 58389

Self abuse from the 1605 Etymology dictionary says that it is self-deception, a synonym for masturbation or self pollution. The American Heritage Stedman's Medical Dictionary says it is the abuse of oneself or one's abilities.

And if that's not already agonizing, it's a never ending cycle that you habitually become dependant upon, like a drug. And like any other drug, you can never achieve the high you're looking for...Because MASTERbation will MASTER you! You enter into a contractual agreement with it and it will govern your life sexually. It will rule and control your life...it taps you on the shoulder 3 o'clock in the morning even when you don't want it. You want to stop but you can't. You cry, you repent and say you won't do it any more but you find yourself molesting yourself again...When will it ever end? I'm here to tell you that cold showers don't work and saying you won't do it anymore won't either. Because masturbation has become your MASTER. Its appetite is ferocious and it will not end until it dominates. It will live up to its definition and leave you stupefied! Its three second ecstasy will put you in a stupor and numb your faculties, your senses and sensibility...Your receptivity and emotional response. It will control your intellect, your reasoning, your judgment of things, and your own significance and leave you trapped in a mind full of warped sexual fantasies. It will overpower you, subdue and suppress you, hold you back, paralyze your forward movement and hinder you from walking in what God has for you. Is having sex with yourself even worth it?

"Dr" Ty Adams, DaSouth.com 72 Comments [2/9/2009 4:05:52 AM]
Fundie Index: 2
Submitted By:
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3
ClockworkBunny

It sure is worth it! :]

2/9/2009 4:10:32 AM

jc

A dictionary from 1605, HOW RELEVANT!


2/9/2009 4:13:07 AM

Leth

In a word, yes!

2/9/2009 4:14:20 AM

anonymous

"like any other drug, you can never achieve the high you're looking for"

Yeah, I never got it to work right either.
Maybe I don't have the right drivers installed.

"You enter into a contractual agreement with it and it will govern your life sexually"

No... The Internet governs my life.

".it taps you on the shoulder 3 o'clock in the morning even when you don't want it."

Why the hell would I masturbate if I didn't want to?

"You cry, you repent and say you won't do it any more but you find yourself molesting yourself again"

o_O whut

"Its appetite is ferocious and it will not end until it dominates"

No, I usually give up when I get bored or have to go do something else or whatever.

"Is having sex with yourself even worth it?"

Well it's better than doing nothing.

2/9/2009 4:18:21 AM

Potentate Argyros of the Gaystapo

Have I been drinking? Nope!

I thought I must have been because this makes no fucking sense, as does anything else when I'm drunk. So the conclusion must be that "Dr." Ty must be a few neuro-transmitters short of a functioning brain.

Personally, I love it when MASTERbation comes a knockin' at 3 AM. It would be totally rude to turn away my guest at that time.

Even James fucked in the head Dobson isn't this goddamned fundie! Even he says masturbation is not harmful, unless it consumes your every waking moment.

2/9/2009 4:18:24 AM

Alex

One of the "doctor's"readers has the solution: "Heres a simple solution. If you already have kids or dont plan to have them. Go get your testicles surgically removed. Itll save you the hassle and the trouble of dealing with the temptation."

That seems extreme. And how could I properly enjoy all the marvelous online porn without wanking?

2/9/2009 4:21:43 AM

FundieBasher

Is having sex with yourself even worth it?

Hell yeah it is. But then, I'm pretty good at it. And I'll even cuddle with myself afterward so I don't feel used.

2/9/2009 4:24:45 AM

Zoo

Sounds like someone has a problem, but doesn't want to admit it so he's projecting it onto normal people to make himself feel better.

2/9/2009 4:38:13 AM

Orion

Is somebody a compulsive masturbator?

2/9/2009 4:45:45 AM

Observable Reality

Whoa! "Three seconds of ecstasy?" You obviously aren't doing it right if that's all you get.

2/9/2009 4:53:51 AM

QT

FAP FAP FAP

2/9/2009 5:04:46 AM

ToEtheline

NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH! Dont demonise the 'batin

And if you only get 3 seconds of ecstasy per wank - you are doing it wrong!

2/9/2009 5:13:33 AM

Beeblebrox

You enter into a contractual agreement with it and it will govern your life sexually.

I was unable to sign the contract because my right hand was full. Very full.

Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like a self-confession on the part of Ty?

2/9/2009 5:15:43 AM

Zimmer

Feels good man.

2/9/2009 5:20:24 AM

John_in_Oz

It's sex with somebody I love.

2/9/2009 5:21:19 AM

Thinking Allowed

If it means keeping away from your sadistic and cold-hearted christian god, then yes.

2/9/2009 5:44:07 AM

A Friend

Medicine books from 1605 say to use leeches to drain your blood when you get sick. No more doctor visits for you.

2/9/2009 5:48:21 AM



It will control your intellect, your reasoning, your judgment of things, and your own significance and leave you trapped in a mind full of warped sexual fantasies.

You seem to be doing fine on that front without masturbation.

2/9/2009 5:52:13 AM

PokeWithStick

I jizzed in my pants.

2/9/2009 6:05:14 AM

God Is Real Unless Declared Integer

My poor BRAIN!

2/9/2009 6:10:07 AM

Atheist Amy

Alternatively, you could just accept it as part of the normal human experience and not feel so consumed with it and ashamed about it.

2/9/2009 6:31:48 AM

Beltaine

"Self abuse from the 1605 Etymology dictionary..."

believe it or not, we've learned a few things in the past 400 years....

2/9/2009 6:44:46 AM

C in TX

How come these nuts are so obsessed with sex?

2/9/2009 6:46:24 AM

Elm

Oh God!! Oh God!!! Oh God!!! I'm coming for you!!!

Oops, I think I just had an orgasm.

Hey I did try praying but it didn't stop me.

2/9/2009 6:52:17 AM

enna

WTF.

Someone actually thinks this way! D=

You know, none of that conflict and agony would exist if you realize practically everyone does it, it's completely natural, and it doesn't harm anyone.

2/9/2009 7:15:59 AM
1 2 3