Self abuse from the 1605 Etymology dictionary says that it is self-deception, a synonym for masturbation or self pollution. The American Heritage Stedman's Medical Dictionary says it is the abuse of oneself or one's abilities.
And if that's not already agonizing, it's a never ending cycle that you habitually become dependant upon, like a drug. And like any other drug, you can never achieve the high you're looking for...Because MASTERbation will MASTER you! You enter into a contractual agreement with it and it will govern your life sexually. It will rule and control your life...it taps you on the shoulder 3 o'clock in the morning even when you don't want it. You want to stop but you can't. You cry, you repent and say you won't do it any more but you find yourself molesting yourself again...When will it ever end? I'm here to tell you that cold showers don't work and saying you won't do it anymore won't either. Because masturbation has become your MASTER. Its appetite is ferocious and it will not end until it dominates. It will live up to its definition and leave you stupefied! Its three second ecstasy will put you in a stupor and numb your faculties, your senses and sensibility...Your receptivity and emotional response. It will control your intellect, your reasoning, your judgment of things, and your own significance and leave you trapped in a mind full of warped sexual fantasies. It will overpower you, subdue and suppress you, hold you back, paralyze your forward movement and hinder you from walking in what God has for you. Is having sex with yourself even worth it?
74 comments
Have I been drinking? Nope!
I thought I must have been because this makes no fucking sense, as does anything else when I'm drunk. So the conclusion must be that "Dr." Ty must be a few neuro-transmitters short of a functioning brain.
Personally, I love it when MASTERbation comes a knockin' at 3 AM. It would be totally rude to turn away my guest at that time.
Even James fucked in the head Dobson isn't this goddamned fundie! Even he says masturbation is not harmful, unless it consumes your every waking moment.
"like any other drug, you can never achieve the high you're looking for"
Yeah, I never got it to work right either.
"You enter into a contractual agreement with it and it will govern your life sexually"
No... The Internet governs my life.
".it taps you on the shoulder 3 o'clock in the morning even when you don't want it."
Why the hell would I masturbate if I didn't want to?
"You cry, you repent and say you won't do it any more but you find yourself molesting yourself again"
o_O whut
"Its appetite is ferocious and it will not end until it dominates"
No, I usually give up when I get bored or have to go do something else or whatever.
"Is having sex with yourself even worth it?"
Well it's better than doing nothing.
One of the "doctor's"readers has the solution: "Heres a simple solution. If you already have kids or dont plan to have them. Go get your testicles surgically removed. Itll save you the hassle and the trouble of dealing with the temptation."
That seems extreme. And how could I properly enjoy all the marvelous online porn without wanking?
Is having sex with yourself even worth it?
Hell yeah it is. But then, I'm pretty good at it. And I'll even cuddle with myself afterward so I don't feel used.
You enter into a contractual agreement with it and it will govern your life sexually.
I was unable to sign the contract because my right hand was full. Very full.
Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like a self-confession on the part of Ty?
It will control your intellect, your reasoning, your judgment of things, and your own significance and leave you trapped in a mind full of warped sexual fantasies.
You seem to be doing fine on that front without masturbation.
"Self abuse from the 1605 Etymology dictionary..."
believe it or not, we've learned a few things in the past 400 years....
Oh God!! Oh God!!! Oh God!!! I'm coming for you!!!
Oops, I think I just had an orgasm.
Hey I did try praying but it didn't stop me.
WTF.
Someone actually thinks this way! D=
You know, none of that conflict and agony would exist if you realize practically everyone does it, it's completely natural, and it doesn't harm anyone.
@Alex:
I don't believe castration works. You've still got the urge, but not the ability.
And masturbation is a good for you - reduces the risk of prostate cancer
Just because you can't control your masturbatory urges doesn't mean that the rest of us can't "responsibly" enjoy the act of self love!
That said, this reminds me of a story my old psych professor told us. When she lived down south (I forget exactly where, no doubt somewhere in the Bible Belt) she was counseling a teenage boy who apparently tried to hang himself. Eventually she found out why he'd do such a thing - he had started masturbating and thought he was evil for doing so. So yeah, as funny as your fucked up guilt trip seems to us, as we know better, that kind of shit is damaging to those who don't know any better. People will wank, who gives a shit, really?
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
"MASTERbation will MASTER you!" Actually its masturbation "Doc" from the latin, manus and turbare, literally "to disturb with the hand"
Just to freak you out, heres the lyrics for "Orgasm Addict" from the Buzzcocks.
well you tried it just for once found it all right for kicks.
3 seconds? BWAHAHAHA!!!
If i didn't masturbate, i would have wet dreams. I do not want to have a wet dream.
"Is having sex with yourself even worth it?"
If you are over 50, yes, because it decreases the risk of prostate cancer.
If you are under 40, no, because it increases the risk of prostate cancer.
Between 40 and 50, it's a toss up.
I would like to get the fundies who say "self-abuse is masturbation" and the fundies who say "self-abuse is teh ghey," lock them in a room, and let them fight it out. Or go all bonobo on each other as they release their pent-up desires in one hell of an orgy.
Fuck you, Masterbation is the safest alternative to sex known to man.. in fact your abstinence class would have better results if they brought this up..but it isnt about science or common sense with you people, its about religious dogma.
And don't forget, for every fap, your god kills a kitten.
Please, think of the kittens.
You want to stop but you can't. You cry, you repent and say you won't do it any more but you find yourself molesting yourself again
Speaking from personal experience, I take it?
Its three second ecstasy
Three seconds? That's...um, bad, dude.
You make it sound wonderful!
I query a dictionary in the year you quote! Wrong on that, wrong in everything else, say I!
Its three second ecstasy will put you in a stupor and numb your faculties, your senses and sensibility...Your receptivity and emotional response.
Yeah, that's called the afterglow, and wears off after a couple of minutes. And certain parts definitely don't have numbed receptivity afterwards...
Three seconds?
That's a new record.
"MASTERbation will MASTER you"
I see what you did there. Clever. Very clever.
"Is having sex with yourself even worth it?"
Sweet jesus, yes.
And a dictionary that isn't 400 fucking years old, describes it as such.
Noun 1. masturbation - manual stimulation of the genital organs (of yourself or another) for sexual pleasure
...Its three second ecstasy...
Now I understand the problem, after 3 seconds with the good Dr. I believe Mrs. Adams may disappear into the shower with her back massager.
This somehow reminds me of going to anime festivals and randomly stroking people and saying, "Moleeeest...."
I have no idea why.
And trust me, honey, if I told you a few things I know about my friends' masturbation habits, you would....Well, probably scream, wither and die.
....So come 'ere a sec.
---Natalie wrote:------
:(
Is the 1605 Etymology dictionary the most recent one you have, or what?
I must have done something wrong; I never went into a contractual agreement with MASTERbation. Neither does it govern my life in any way. It makes me relax, especially if I have trouble falling asleep.
Molesting myself? Nah, I have given myself informed consent.
Nope, cold showers have never worked, hot showers work better for relaxing...hm...stuff.
It seems that YOU are doing it wrong, "Dr" Ty Adams, if that is how it makes you feel.
"You cry, you repent and say you won't do it any more..."
Well, there's your problem. Skip all that crying and repenting nonsense.
“And if that's not already agonizing,”
"it's a never ending cycle that you habitually become dependant upon,”
“ like a drug. And like any other drug, you can never achieve the high you're looking for...”
“Because MASTERbation will MASTER you!”
“ You cry, you repent and say you won't do it any more but you find yourself molesting yourself again...”
“I'm here to tell you that cold showers don't work and saying you won't do it anymore won't either.”
"Because masturbation has become your MASTER.”
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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