BernardAlbrecht, Harmony Central

Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In Forums

Quote# 58621

Let me tell you a story...well. two actually.

I was in my bedroom one night and I was getting really wound up about something or other. I remember praying about it and hearing a CLEAR voice telling me to read Ecclesiastes 3:1. I did so and found that the passage was telling me exactly what to do in my situation- that there is a time to do everything and that I should not worry.

The second story is when I was away with the worship band and I was in the dorm room praying. All of a sudden I saw the form of a dove. This dove began to talk to me in Hebrew (I understand a little Hebrew) telling me to come to Him and that I should not be afraid to do so.
This dove was so real I could see every little detail of it- the wings, the feathers, the beak.

Explain that!

BernardAlbrecht, Harmony Central 71 Comments [2/14/2009 4:46:23 AM]
Fundie Index: 3
Submitted By:

WTF?! || meh

Username:
Comment:

Check here

1 2 3

#899056

Captain Obvious

EXPLANATIONS
-Mushrooms
-Weed
-LSD
-PCP
-Dementia
-Schizophrenia
-Lying
-Fibbing
-Bearing false witness
-Being a Cunt
-etc...

2/14/2009 6:51:55 AM

#899061

Wehpudicabok

1) You've probably already read Ecclesiastes, and your subconscious was kicking in. Once, I was overwhelmed by a situation, and a word I had heard only once before leaped into my mind. I didn't know what the word meant, so when I could, I looked it up, it fit the situation perfectly. Of course, I had already known and forgotten what the word meant--it was just my subconscious.

2) I have no idea. What on earth is a "worship band"--do you mean a Christian rock band? And come on, if a vision from God had really told you to come to him, you would've gone and you wouldn't be here telling us about it, right? Unless you've been to Heaven and back, in which case, you have no reason to worry about us silly atheists, because you've already personally seen God.

2/14/2009 7:04:48 AM

#899068

RFP15

You should put down the crackpipe Bernard.

2/14/2009 7:12:39 AM

#899078

anonymous

"I was in my bedroom one night and I was getting really wound up about something or other"

Yeah I'll just bet you were.

"This dove was so real I could see every little detail of it- the wings, the feathers, the beak."

Should have taken a video!

2/14/2009 7:22:28 AM

#899102

Orion

Pics or it didn't happen.

2/14/2009 7:59:58 AM

#899117

JustinGG

delusional schizophrenia?

2/14/2009 8:27:32 AM

#899151

atheist crusader

ITS THE DOVE FROM ABOVE!!!!

cue reeves and mortimer, shooting stars stylee quiz show

@capt obvious pmsl, fucking brilliant. 10/10

hehhehehe

2/14/2009 9:24:05 AM

#899182

aaa

It's me, messing with your head.

2/14/2009 9:56:21 AM

#899189

reason_fanatic

Ok , I'll explain it. You're nuts.

2/14/2009 10:05:37 AM

#899192

QT

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven."

-Ecclesiastes 3:1

"Holy generic advice Batman!"

"I've seen better in fortune cookies, Robin."

2/14/2009 10:08:39 AM

#899197

iczer-04

What a loon..

im off to watch Slayers..

GO LINA! DRAGONSLAVE THE TWAT!

2/14/2009 10:11:57 AM

#899218

MrNoName

"I could see every little detail of it- the wings, the feathers, the beak."

I don't think the basic shape of a bird counts as every detail.

2/14/2009 10:53:38 AM

#899223

xplicit_UK

The second story is when I was away with the worship band

This one time... in band camp...

Her story was better than yours.

2/14/2009 10:58:48 AM

#899243

DW

My explanation:

I guess your in college and probably experimented with drugs or someone has spiked your drink with LSD cos your such a cunt, that you just trippd the fuck out!

2/14/2009 11:30:42 AM

#899249

arcturus

if god is talking to you, then you would be a prophet.

Jesus warned about false prophets. Get away from me, SATAN!

2/14/2009 11:35:45 AM

#899290

Porky Pine

"Explain that! "

You're delusional?

2/14/2009 1:24:46 PM

#899297

Giveitaday

Explain that!

Paranoid Schitzophrenia? Delerium tremens? Delusions of mediocrity? But more likely than all of those is good ole 100% america Lying for Jesus(TM).

2/14/2009 1:41:28 PM

#899300

????

We told you not to forget your medicine, and now look what's happened!

2/14/2009 1:51:28 PM

#899302

""I was in my bedroom one night and I was getting really wound up about something or other.""

That's the best euphemism for "I was jerking off" I have ever heard.

2/14/2009 1:54:18 PM

#899311

Big Jilm

God is Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirdmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!

(and Bird Boy)

2/14/2009 2:07:37 PM

#899324

Equalist

It's called LSD. When you see the music and hear the colors, it's not god speaking to you, it's the acid.

2/14/2009 2:17:03 PM

#899377

Okay..you are a liar for Christ.

2/14/2009 3:19:54 PM

#899397

Illuminatalie

Ya know, when I was going to college in the 80s I tried LSD and I never saw anything much more than tree branches getting melty, while my friends were seeing faces, hearing voices, etc. I don't know if that means something is wrong with me...

2/14/2009 3:42:01 PM

#899401

Fed up

Do you also live with seven dwarfs?

2/14/2009 3:45:24 PM

#899405

As Stephen King would say, you're crazier than a shithouse rat.

2/14/2009 3:46:39 PM

1 2 3