But again BREAKING: A MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
"Today ..I myself ..the House and Congress in complete agreement have decided to declare a state of martial law...due to the extreme traveling conditions and the desperation of so many ..we are setting 9pm as curfew....at current time I have dispatched our national guard with the assistance of homeland security officials to immediately begin assisting all citizens
As the President speaks...one of his staff brings him and urgent message....The President's becomes ashen (his kids are gone) as he turns back to address the nation..Ladies and Gentleman stand by it seems we are under attack"
Instantly national warning sirens begin to blare....wails and screams are heard ..gun shots ablaze...as numerous people shoot towards others and many shoot themselves"
In a small country farmhouse a man hugs his wife as she sobs for her children....they had always sent their kids to church but never went themselves. They know their children are safe..they know they are with Jesus but they also know whats ahead. The husbands heart begins to fail as his mind torments him of the sermons he had heard forwarning THE TRIBULATION.
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They seem to spend an inordinate amount of time coming up with these fantasies. And they always seem very prideful and gloating. I don't think they're going to heaven.
Of course I think that because I don't believe in heaven, but still. Even if their fantasies turn out to be real, I don't think they'd qualify.
2/18/09, a hundred thousand people, mostly Americans in the south have disapeared. Although their exit was strange and the roles they fufilled were missed for a while, they were replaced. America became a more progressive country that grows its own prosperty and then helps other countries do the same. Peace is the Middle East is on the horizon. Medicine and other sciences are no longer held back extending the lives and the quality of said lives to unheard of durations. The Rapture has made the world a better place and sane people are glad to be rid of American fundies.
forwarning THE TRIBULATION.
Funny thing is, Revelations speaks of things happening in ways that couldn't possibly happen... Like Lucifer/Satan rebelling against God 7 years AFTER the start of all that crap... which results in him being exiled from Heaven.
Is this when all the fundies vanish and nobody notices except a few people who have to wait a bit longer for their McDonald's orders?
On second thoughts, I wholeheartedly apologise to McDonald's for this insinuation. They don't deserve the insult of being associated with fundies.
Meanwhile, the entire membership of Rapture Ready declare the disappearances to be a trick of Satan. Because if it were the real rapture they wouldn't still be here, obviously.
All of them are immensely proud of themselves for not being 'taken in', and completely oblivious to the fact that that pride is part of the reason they weren't 'taken up'.
"The President becomes ashen"
Well, that isn't going to happen in the next four (hopefully, eight) years, is it?
I think it was a week ago where one of the Rapture Readians was complaining about how awful it is that some women admit to having sex dreams about Obama. I fail to see how those fantasies for Obama are that terrible, especially in light of the disgusting things they fantasize about with him.
And does anyone else notice, no matter how evil they think the Obamas are, they acknowledge that the "anti-family" couple in the White House loves their kids?
@GreenEyedLilo: "And does anyone else notice, no matter how evil they think the Obamas are, they acknowledge that the "anti-family" couple in the White House loves their kids?"
That, and the fact that they've been Raptured despite having been brought up by people who haven't and not having had the chance to embrace the path of the True Christian.
Scene: A moldy basement room. Once a playroom for the children, it has been taken over by a desk and steel shelves running floor to ceiling. From the glow of a monitor, we can see a vile creature seated at the desk. It runs its fingers through lank, greasy hair every so often, and clears its throat with a sound something like "golem". The only other sounds to be heard are the tapping of the keyboard and the soft but incessant droning of a televangelist coming out of an old cable TV set in the corner. On the steel shelves, bottled water, canned goods, powdered milk, and box after box of Rice Crispies hoarded for the disaster the creature is sure is coming. The creature clears its throat and begins to read to itself what it has just written.
"Golem... Instantly national warning sirens begin to blare....wails and screams are heard ..gun shots ablaze...as numerous people shoot towards others and many shoot themselves"
It stops, too excited to go on. After several moments of panting, it pulls its right hand from where it has unconsciously strayed, inside its pants. It sniffs the fingers. They smell like poo... as does the story it is writing....
i swear christians really do think the second people stop believing in their horse shit, the unbeliever will till the second they die, never think the rapture is possible.
i bet they read the insipid left behind books and masturbate to them
In a small country farmhouse a man hugs his wife as she sobs for her children....they had always sent their kids to church but never went themselves. They know their children are safe..they know they are with Jesus but they also know whats ahead. The husbands heart begins to fail as his mind torments him of the sermons he had heard forwarning THE TRIBULATION.
how could he have heard sermons about the Tribulation if he'd never been to church?
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Ye gods, and we thought the twisted fantasies of those on Ruptured Retards were bad enough?! I'm surprised these psychos have any skin left on their dicks, their palms are hairier than Bigfoot's, and their eyes & optic nerves have shrivelled to vestigial buds!
And never mind the tinfoil (ass)hats required by those in RR, these nutjobs will need bunkers lined with lead 50 feet thick!
Whether aretheyreadyforthis.com is even more fundie than RR or Biblocality is debatable, but one thing's for sure (looking at that thread alone)- the 'Heart of Darkness' in Africa or Vietnam is Disneyland compared to what this thread consists of. The only words to describe such (if you haven't clicked the link yet, and I'd suggest you steel yourself if you do) are 'The Horror... The Horror... The HORROR!' and 'Liberate tutame ex inferis'.
And if it ever happens, it'll be a self-fulfilled prophecy, because they have crackpots who don't want a future for the next generation. Fatalists who if allowed to, will abuse power for tremendous environmental destruction, will crack down on education and more. And of course, 15 years later, there's now heightened readiness and conflict again, with some powers of questionable legitimacy having piles of nuclear weapons of mass destruction. And a surge of massive fascism, conflict and genocide normalization propaganda campaigns. A mobster who hopes to be US president to evade facing justice and to possibly enact crimes against humanity, according to his rhetorical statements. Israel and Russia are currently both being scrutinized for war crimes. There's nothing divine there though, it's another cycle of massive human stupidity and abuse. Clerical fascist Russian propagandists try to convince the population that their best spiritual outcome is to die in Ukraine. Except that there never was evidence of actual deities, for the existence of the supernatural, or actual divinity involved with exploitative regimes claiming to have divine support to justify their power and abuses. The dead just were denied the opportunity of a better life, likely the only one they had. And the living may face serious humanitarian crisis. Hitler's God couldn't save him, remember...
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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