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Quote# 59598

[In response to someone saying, "I don’t get what the big push is about evolution."]

It's delayed adolescent sexual anxiety and maladjustment to conventional morality. The percentage of people who get most hysterical about pushing the atheistic version of Darwinist materialism is about the same as that of those with obsessive-compulsive disorder and those suffering from masturbation anxiety. The facts about this have been suppressed so as not to embarrass left-brained dorks at prestige universities who go in for compulsive obsessions in hard sciences. But it is sexual and masturbation anxiety which drives the emotional hysteria behind this movement to make kids spend hours upon hours studying graphs of imaginary prehistoric hominids and gargantuan ape men. Although it's unclear why this in particular relieves the anxiety.

It would require more research into what brought on the anxiety and when the obsessions, cathexis, and fixation on pictures of large ape men set in.

HowlinglyMind-BendingAbsurdity, Free Republic 68 Comments [2/24/2009 10:39:43 PM]
Fundie Index: 3
WTF?! || meh
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Scooby71

From the user name this has to be a poe

2/24/2009 10:41:39 PM

Porky Pine

Wow! Why is it that the rabid right has this total fixation on sexual repression?

2/24/2009 10:43:01 PM

efrain

Masturbation Anxiety? Is that like Anxiety by having too many orgasms? Or jacking off to the most pathetic thing ever and realizing that no matter what you'll never get laid?

2/24/2009 10:43:58 PM

Zabimaru

Surely it's mostly the ultra-religious who have masturbation anxiety? They always seem upset by the whole thing. I never have any anxiety about it; I just enjoy it.

2/24/2009 10:45:52 PM

DarkfireTaimatsu

Your mouth moves, sound comes out, but: nothing.

2/24/2009 10:46:16 PM

rw23

Brilliant! That's the best spoof I've read in years.

Excuse me while I go look to see what the numbskull freepers thought of it.

2/24/2009 10:46:37 PM

Frogflayer

Masturbation anxiety? The fear that I may fail to satisfy myself?

2/24/2009 10:47:37 PM

JonathanE

Poe, for sure, but amazingly funny.

What did the Freepers have to say? Should be some lulz there.

2/24/2009 10:49:06 PM

Whitleylad

WTF!!!!!!!

Please give me your citation on this and which psychological papers I need to read relating to...

"The percentage of people who get most hysterical about pushing the atheistic version of Darwinist materialism is about the same as that of those with obsessive-compulsive disorder and those suffering from masturbation anxiety"

2/24/2009 10:49:58 PM

anevilmeme

Now I get it! Free Republic is the most elaborate and sublime Poe in the history of the internet.

2/24/2009 10:54:57 PM

Antichrist

I'm going to call Poe, mostly because masturbation anxiety is what fundies suffer from. Basically it's anxiety over masturbation, I don't know many left-brained dorks that would have much issue with that.

2/24/2009 10:57:28 PM

John

There's no emotional hysteria over evolution. The only thing people object to is having someone try to indoctrinate other peoples' children with their Christian fundamentalist religious beliefs.

2/24/2009 10:57:45 PM

Pule Thamex

Nice poest. Reasonably funny, I enjoyed it. Good poeing.

2/24/2009 10:59:05 PM

Mitch

Most atheists already have sexual partners in university, if anything, I'm probably never getting laid, but I'm not an atheist.

2/24/2009 10:59:57 PM

GCR

This guy has been there since 2001. Unlikely poe given how easy a ban is to get at FR.

2/24/2009 11:01:44 PM

surfinseaotter

I have never seen a picture of a gargantuan ape man... unless that bigfoot video counts

2/24/2009 11:05:51 PM

Old Viking

The amusing thing is, freepers who can express themselves coherently (albeit it in a studied, pseudo-academic manner) shovel the same crap as the dese and dems types.

2/24/2009 11:06:56 PM

JonathanE

@GCR,

You're shittin' me right?
This has got to be a poe, or the most batshit insane shitstain to post on the internet.

Naw, yer shittin' me...

2/24/2009 11:07:51 PM

enna

What the fuck.

That made no sense.

2/24/2009 11:15:15 PM

Katsuro

Look at the username. Obvious poe/troll.

2/24/2009 11:15:47 PM

Darwin's Lil' Girl

The username screams Poe.

2/24/2009 11:17:58 PM

GCR

His past postings don't scream POE (just insane) and he's been there "Since Sep 19, 2001." FR is so paranoid about 'evilotutionists' that he would have been banned by now if he were a POE. JMHO.

2/24/2009 11:17:59 PM

BobsOldSocks

"...the atheistic version of Darwinist materialism..."

The Theory of Evolution is no more atheistic than Germ Theory or the Theory of Gravity and none of them are founded in "materialism", rather methodological naturalism. It's the same old lies for Jesus repeated over and over.

"But it is sexual and masturbation anxiety which drives the emotional hysteria behind this movement to make kids spend hours upon hours studying graphs of imaginary prehistoric hominids and gargantuan ape men."

Whether or not every single proponent of evolution was an unrepentant, compulsive practitioner of Onanism would be utterly irrelevant to the validity of the ToE. Your refusal to accept plain, incontrovertible facts and solid, irrefutable evidence brings me to the conclusion that it's *you* who is the wanker.

2/24/2009 11:20:54 PM

toothache

Well observed Poe, or someone needs to lay off the lighter fluid. On a more hopeful note, respect to the user on there named ketsu for wading through that intellectual cesspool.

2/24/2009 11:42:11 PM

Reverend Jeremiah

LOL LOL LOL ..now this guy can poke some subtle fun.

2/25/2009 12:42:20 AM
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