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Quote# 60686

[re: marrying Jesus after the rapture]

the same God who created the entire world in six days by speaking, has been working on the honeymoon chamber for 2000 years now. I don't think we can even imagine or comprehend how amazing this is going to be!


ArkieTuzie, Rapture Ready 119 Comments [3/19/2009 2:57:29 PM]
Fundie Index: 102
WTF?! || meh
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jenovatrix

Bow-chicka-bow-bow....

3/19/2009 3:01:39 PM

Ozzie

Born Again Porn at it's best.


3/19/2009 3:05:05 PM

Lord Mushroom

Heh, 2 millenia.

If it only took six days to create the earth, imagine what 2,000 years will do to fill his chamber with sound proofing, a-frames, loops, chains, pulleys, whips, straps, dildos, plugs, bondage tape, DVDs, plasmaballs, clamps, 12V batteries, aligator clips and Barry White cds.

Wait, is your god actually Fritzl? Enjoy.

3/19/2009 3:06:19 PM

Agnostic Antagonist

Just when you think they can't get any stupider...

3/19/2009 3:06:24 PM

Zeus

If he created the entire world in six days, what the f*ck's up with it taking him 2,000 years to build one honeymoon chamber?

3/19/2009 3:06:32 PM

Berny

You Rapture Retards need to get laid more often. You're fantasies are getting tiresome.

3/19/2009 3:09:17 PM

seraphicreverie

Wow. Later in the thread one of them goes on to make a joke about how she won't have to worry about fitting into a wedding dress because in heaven everyone will have perfect bodies. Is that really all this is, a pathetic fantasy where you tell yourself over and over again that when you die, you won't be fat, ugly and stupid anymore, so you can be an ignorant, uneducated sloth in this world and not feel bad about it?

Wait a minute, this is RR. Why am I even asking questions like this?

3/19/2009 3:10:38 PM

Tormentor of Religion

If god is eternal... and he created light AFTER the earth... it would've sucked to be him before that.

3/19/2009 3:11:06 PM

Hell Kitty

Sounds like a song by the band "Getting Gay With Jesus"....

3/19/2009 3:11:22 PM

The Loser

fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap oh yes I've failed at this life but I can just fantasize about the next one fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap oh jesus fill me with your love yeeeesss fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap


And what about the males? I thought Jebus hated faggots?

3/19/2009 3:17:37 PM

Agnostic Antagonist

@The Loser:

Jesus has a mom, doesn't he?

3/19/2009 3:19:54 PM

Higgs Boson

So all heaven is for is so Jesus can have an orgy with every Christian woman ever alive for all eternity?

His sacrifice was truly great!

3/19/2009 3:23:33 PM

Amanda

God has been planning an orgy for the last 2000 years? Sure, that's much better than curing disease and poverty.

3/19/2009 3:30:23 PM

Nausea

Yeah... and the weird bride of Christ thing gets way, way weirder.


3/19/2009 3:36:28 PM

John

All you have to do is believe that Jesus was the Son of God and accept him as your personal savior (even if God gives you cancer or wipes out your town with a tornado). If you do, you may have a crappy life, but you’re guaranteed a fine spot in heaven after you die. You can kill, rape or do almost anything else (except get an abortion, be a homosexual or vote for Obama); but as long as you believe in Jesus*, you’ll be among "the saved" and go to heaven.

Then you can watch and snicker at all those latte-sipping Yankee liberals who made ten times as much money as you and got all the good looking women and Superbowl tickets while they're moaning and gnashing their teeth in the Lake O' Fire®. Plus, you can have any pickup truck you want, even a big-ass Ford 550 Supercab with the 7.3L Powerstroke and "Smoker" exhaust stacks. And everything at Wal-Mart is on sale for free! Whoopie!

[size=9]* extra credit for attending a fundamentalist Baptist church or one of its various lunatic-fringe independent evangelical offshoots ...[/size]

3/19/2009 3:40:25 PM

Headache

Where is he shopping at? Victoria's Heavenly Secret?

3/19/2009 3:41:41 PM



Wait, does that include dudes as well? Because then it's...you know...an abomination. God said so.

3/19/2009 3:53:57 PM

Painful

This has really gone way too far... honeymoon chamber dreams now?

Ewww....

3/19/2009 4:07:58 PM

Eden

So does this mean that god is having a bisexual orgy with every saved man and woman on earth after Rapture?

3/19/2009 4:11:09 PM

anti-nonsense

Somebody loves Jesus a bit too much.

3/19/2009 4:11:27 PM

Classic

I... I always thought that was a metaphor of some kind.
...
...
The RR people don't universally believe in a literal "interpretation" right?

3/19/2009 4:11:43 PM

mike-mike

Rock me sexy Jesus.

3/19/2009 4:16:24 PM

anti-nonsense

Somebody loves Jesus a bit too much.

3/19/2009 4:20:29 PM

Nowonmai

And each one of you fundies think you are gonna be God's bed partner. Make it Pay-Per-View, ok?

3/19/2009 4:26:17 PM

Whitleylad

Obviously one big love in!

Although from what I understand about Christianity on massive collective disappointment.

Makes Hell somewhat very appealing!

3/19/2009 4:29:03 PM
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