Quote# 61211

Do you think that the Loch Ness 'monster' is hidden by Scottish authorities on purpose? I don't think that it would be due to some major conspiracy theory or anything... I just think that the Scottish authorities have identified the Loch Ness 'monster' since the 1970's, and want to keep it under wraps to keep the tourists coming in every year. (Sure, if they let the big secret out, tourism would skyrocket temporarily, but then it would plummet once everyone got a look at it and the mystery was gone.) What do you think?

ThunderCloud, Above Top Secret 29 Comments [4/7/2009 6:34:57 PM]
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Submitted By: jsonitsac

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So you don't think an exclusive, one of a kind creature would have lasting appeal.

Everyone knows what a lion looks like yet zoos and, well, southern Africa do brisk trade in wildlife related tourism.

How does one hide a multi ton lake monster anyhow?

4/7/2009 7:17:49 PM


I seriously doubt it'd lose its appeal. After all, the only place you can find it is there. I spend a couple days a week working at a zoo, and in my spare time. . . guess what?. . . I like to visit other zoos, and so do all of my colleagues. People from all over the world flock to Disney parks every year. People go back to Washington, D. C. all the time. People make repeat trips to tiny Caribbean islands.

I won't keep going, but Nessie either doesn't exist, or is extremely secretive (I haven't looked into the evidence myself, unless you count a sci-fi novel as evidence. . . speaking of, have you read it? its plot sounds very much like your comment). It would be extremely hard to cover up the existence of such a creature without making the area s/he's supposed to live in off limits. It's not like the creatures that supposedly vanish off into woods few people ever go to.

4/7/2009 7:54:37 PM


It was actually a clever prank by one of the locals.

4/7/2009 8:50:08 PM


Uhh...how do you hide a living dinosaur?

4/7/2009 9:27:47 PM

Captain Britannica

I have looked into the evidence (which consists entirely of surprisingly few and wholly contradictory eyewitness reports, and even fewer and even more contradictory blurred photographs). It ain't there.

4/8/2009 2:10:22 AM

Greetings from Scotland where monsters stalk the land.

There is nothing in the Loch. The entire population of my country knows this and have never tried to trick anyone. Other than making obvious bad jokes about it that only a moron or conspiracy nut take literally.

But the haggis is a real creature. Its has six legs and the three on one side are shorter so it can round around the mountain tops faster.

4/8/2009 2:18:26 AM


How would they hide it?

4/8/2009 3:44:30 AM


This is what you consider a valuable use of your time? Children are starving, terrorism is on the rise, corruption is rife, the economy is collapsing, and you're worried that the Scots are lying to you about an imaginary monster?

Jeez, at least some of the other bugfuck insane conspiracy theories are concerned with matters that would have some measurable impact on the welfare of humanity, were they to actually exist and not be mere artifacts of damaged minds.

4/8/2009 6:02:56 AM

Table Rock

Sure, if they let the big secret out, tourism would skyrocket temporarily, but then it would plummet once everyone got a look at it and the mystery was gone.

I guess you've never heard of a zoo. Do you think more people would come if they hid all the animals?

4/8/2009 6:10:10 AM

Pule Thamex

The authorities don't need to do anything with twerps like you around.

4/8/2009 6:22:13 AM


Damn. It really seems like there's a conspiracy theory for everything these days.

4/8/2009 6:45:59 AM


Ha! The real reason the Scottish authorities keep the Loch Ness Monster a secret is that, if its existence were revealed, we would batter and deep-fry it in pretty short order.

4/8/2009 8:21:11 AM


Meh, there's something in Loch Ness. There have been sightings of such and recordings of sightings dating back to the early days of post-Roman Britain.

I personally think it's some sort of giant eel.

4/8/2009 9:19:04 AM



[pedantic alert!]

Nessy can't be a dinosaur as dinosaurs, by their very definition/classification were exclusively land dwelling creatures.

4/8/2009 11:23:34 AM

You couldn't find Scotland on a map you twat.
As for finding Loch Ness...it's dull, usually raining, and the road to it is shite..

4/8/2009 11:55:46 AM


The Scottish authorities hiding the Loch Ness monster? You mean the same Scottish authorities who can barely stop a bunch of Glaswegian futbol fans from singing sectarian songs at futbol matches? What a dumbass!

4/8/2009 1:39:10 PM


'Do you think that the Loch Ness 'monster' is hidden by Scottish authorities on purpose?'

Yes I do think this. That's usually the time I take my meds.

4/8/2009 1:53:35 PM

Captain Britannica

@ ozznova: Nope. Earliest mention of any such thing in Loch Ness is ... 1930. CE. It's an interesting sociological phenomenon, actually ... but not a zoological one. There really isn't anything in the loch bigger than an otter.

(If you're referring to the St Columba incident, much touted by monster believers, quite apart from the veracity of hagiography, the Life of Columba locates the encounter not in Loch Ness but in the estuary of the River Ness ... in the sea, in other words).

4/8/2009 2:31:48 PM


Totally true, we are hidding it because frankly she's ours, and we don't want our beautiful countryside mucked up by hordes of monster watchers. The few crazy types we get are about enough for tourism.

Leave our monster alone!

4/9/2009 3:12:39 AM


@ Captain Britannica: Actually, some videos of the Loch Ness Monster have been conclusively proven to be large seals. Seals, birds, hysteria, and standing waves caused by Loch Ness' long and thin shape have been responsible for "Nessie" sightings. The sonar readings finding large underwater animals were caused by a particularly strong tidal seiche peculiar to Loch Ness. The famous "Surgeon's Photo" (commonly thought fake, but the debunking was dubious) may have been a photo of an elephant from a visiting surface.

4/9/2009 5:01:35 PM

Mrs. Antichrist

Could be, or maybe it's because the Loch Ness monster doesn't exist.

4/9/2009 10:10:03 PM

Captain Britannica

@ Chamale: Seals may indeed account for some of the sightings, but they are scarcely bigger than otters, and are not common on the Loch - although I note one was reported there in 1933, at the height of monster mania.

The Surgeon's picture is irrelevant, not an elephant. There's no evidence whatever it was even taken in Loch Ness, there's nothing in the picture to provide context or scale ... it looks like a stick to me.

Perhaps the most common origin of Nessie sightings is roe deer. They occasionally swim across the loch, and there are photographs of them doing it. But if you were expecting to see a monster ... It is notable that sightings have fallen off dramatically since binoculars and telephoto lenses became widely used.

[Edited to take account of the latest evidence re seals]

4/10/2009 3:31:20 AM


"Do you think that the Loch Ness 'monster' is hidden by Scottish authorities on purpose?"

Yes. Yes I do.

4/10/2009 6:51:13 AM


What do I think? I think you're on your way to becoming the next CEO of Dipsh*t, Inc. Your business savvy stinks on ice, and your ability to winnow fact from fiction seems not to exist... just like the Loch Ness monster.

4/10/2009 2:06:19 PM


Right. Because, if the Lock Ness Monster WAS found, it would get old very quickly.

Are you kidding me? Even zoos - with regular, common creatures - attract tourists for an everlasting time. If a cryptid were to be found, everyone would flock to the site to have a look at it for years and years, until it dies.


4/10/2009 2:38:46 PM

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