KarenWaits4Him #fundie

KarenWaits4Him #fundie rr-bb.com

thread titled 'Help with my Jewish friend....she won't come to Christ?'

My neighbor is Jewish, not a Christian. She is not particularly comfortable discussing her faith with me and tries to avoid the subject relentlessly whenever I happen to discuss church, the bible, or anything related to my faith. I have tried to show her the path numerous times throughout our friendship together, yet she continues to pull away. She is not aggressive or forceful about it, but it saddens me that yet another soul will be lost without her accepting her creator and savior. Still, I pray each day that she will find the correct path, but some people just refuse to open their skulls for the truth....

128 comments

old comment by John

My neighbor, Karen, is Christian, not Jewish. She is annoyingly pushy about discussing her faith with me and I try to avoid the subject relentlessly whenever she happens to discuss church, the bible, or anything related to her faith. I have tried to show her the path numerous times throughout our friendship together, yet she continues to push. She is not aggressive or forceful about it, but it saddens me that she demeans my religion and claims my soul will be lost without my accepting her creator and savior. Still, I pray each day that she will find the correct path, but some people just refuse to open their skulls for the truth....

Karen's Jewish Neighbor

old comment by Jeff Weskamp

Look at it this way, Karen. Suppose you had a Muslim friend (unlikely, I know, since you're a Rapture Ready poster, but please bear with me). Imagine how you'd feel if this friend was constantly trying to persuade you to convert to Islam. No matter how many times you make it clear that you are comfortable with your Christian beliefs, this friend keeps trying to bring up the issue of your converting to Islam.

You may reply that you do not need to become a Muslim because you're already "saved," but from the Muslim point of view, you are not saved. From the Islamic perspective, you are just as unsaved as you perceive your Jewish friend to be. Wouldn't you eventually dread talking to that friend? Wouldn't you feel as though you are being pestered by the world's most obnoxious telemarketer or car salesman?

Basicall, you cannot pressure or coerce people into accepting your faith, just because you fear they'll go to Hell for not believing as you do. After all, they are many who believe that you are on the path to Damnation for not believing as theybelieve.

old comment by Maguffin

dear Karen,

You have done your best to save your Jewish friend, but seeing as that hasn't yet worked, and you care so very deeply for her, I will let you in on a little-known tradition within the missionary community. I'm afraid it has fallen completely out of style over the last few centuries, but it is nonetheless still dreadfully effective -- for example, despite what all the books you never bothered to read have had to say about the matter, it's actually why Emperor Constantine converted to Christianity.

But where were we? Ah yes.

You have done your faithful best to educate your Jewish friend (hereafter referred to as DIRTY JEW), but she has avoided you -- more accurately, insulted you -- at every turn. The only proper response now is for you to file a petition 927B- with an official representative for the local Port Authority of your designated faith; this will ensure the request is put to a vote.
If your request receives sufficient support to be passed, your Deity of Choice will be duty-bound to challenge your Dirty Jew friend's Deity of Choice to a match of strength and wits within the squared circle. Should your Deity of Choice win the match, he/she/it/twee/plop/moo then becomes the default Deity of Choice for the losing party (your Dirty Jew friend).

I'm afraid there is only one catch, though it is a big one -- in the event that YOUR Deity of Choice loses that match, you would be bound by all the Laws of Elder Funk to adopt your Dirty Jew friend's Deity of Choice as YOUR OWN, thus no doubt becoming some other poor missionary's Dirty Jew friend. I thnk you'll agree with me, however, that the odds are stacked in your favor as we both know that our Chosen Deity, the good lord himself, Jesus Christ, Esq., is the only REAL LIVE DEITY in all existence, and that when your Dirty Jew friend's Deity of Choice shows up, it will only be so that we can reveal to the world that what she worships is actually just two dogs humping madly inside a festering horse-carcass dressed up in a sheet and a SpongeBob SquarePants Halloween mask.

In other words, the tradition is foolproof. It worked on the Red Indians of the Americas, and it'll work on your Dirty Jew friend. I'd wish you luck, but that would be completely redundant, now wouldn't it? :))

Yours in Snackdom,

-- Maguffin

old comment by Lilith

Judaism: Everyone is born with a clean slate.
Christianity: Everyone is born stained by sin.

Judaism: We are stewards of the Earth and should look after it.
Fundy Christianity: It was given to us to use as we wish, so we can pillage to our heart's content.

Judaism: Tzedakah - the religious obligation to perform philanthropic acts and to seek social justice for all.
Fundy Christianity: 'The poor will be with us always', so why bother trying to help, and they are probably poor because they are sinners, anyway, and God is punishing them.

Judaism: If you lead a good life and try to make the world a better place, it doesn't matter whether you even believe in God or not.
Fundy Christianity: You can lead a perfect life and still end up in Hell if you don't accept Jesus, but you can rape and cannibalize babies and still get to Heaven so long as you have a deathbed conversion.

Is it any wonder Karen's neighbour isn't interested in Karen's version of God?

old comment by DrBlizzardo

People who still cling to the empty superstitions of any religion in general, and who are held in thrall to the musty mythology of bronze-age Arab herdsmen, be they Jewish, Christian or Muslim, in particular, are obviously incapable of comprehending that there is NO god, that morality and ethics come from within and not from fear of eternal punishment and that peace will only come with education and enlightenment--which bring acceptance, tolerance and understanding. The universe (and we secular humanists) can get on quite fine, thank you very much, without your god and without you.

Outside that, Karen is obviously a self-centered, insensitive, nagging bitch. Typical christard.

old comment by Truth

Karen. There is a sickness in your brain. You are mentally disturbed. You have come to be this way because you were brainwashed with this nonsense most likely as a child by parents or relatives who were just as mentally ill as you have become today. This sickness causes your mind to reject fact in favor of fiction. You are living in a delusional state and you are showing signs that your illness has progressed to a point where you attempt to infect others with it. If you continue to act in such a manner, you will become a great threat to yourself and others. Your mind is disturbed. Please seek professional care.

Do you know who Jesus was? He was the Light of the of the World, the Saviour of Mankind, the Son of God..

He is also a Solar Messiah.. The reason he is this is because his story.. every aspect of it.. has been shared throughout history by hundreds of other gods who all had the exact same stories too..

They were all the Sun.. The one true light of the world, the true saviour of mankind.. The stories of the life of jesus and all these other gods are nothing more than solar events anthropomorphized into colorful stories for easy remembrance.

Much like people say "My Very Excellent Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas" to help them remember the order of the planets from the sun. Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Pluto.

We should consider ourselves lucky that no one has taken that literally and decided to start a holy war killing millions thought history in search of the holy pizza promised by the goddess of all..*rolls eyes*

KarenWaits4Him #fundie rr-bb.com

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