Christian Fundie Beliefs #17: The Value of Belief:
Belief is rewarded, but not always on earth. Satan tests believers with stuff like sex, drugs and money; whereas God tests believers by giving them cancer, having their children raped, and destroying whole cities with volcanoes and earthquakes.
God does, however, occasionally reward belief. For example, suppose a good Rapture Ready Baptist and a liberal Methodist both trip and break their elbows. For the Baptist, it’s obviously a reward: God has stepped in and saved her from also breaking her neck. For the Methodist, it’s equally obvious that God has broken her elbow as a punishment for being a homo-loving, latte-sipping, pro-choice Democrat. And remember, ever since Kentucky Homeland Security gave God His proper credit for protecting them, there have been no terrorist attacks in Kentucky. It’s true that adding "under God" to the Pledge and putting "In God We Trust" on our money hasn’t given the same protection to the rest of the country, but that’s because their good work has been negated by all the atheists, gays and liberals* griping about it.
God sometimes helps believers. For example, if you need a seven while shooting craps, God will sometimes give you one. But since gambling is sinful, He’ll only do it about one time out of six**.
* Actually, this is redundant, since we know all liberals are gay atheists (and vice versa).
** Roulette apparently is even more sinful. He only makes your number come up about one time in 38 (37 on the slightly less sinful single-zero wheels).