Tammy Drennan #fundie

Tammy Drennan #fundie homeschoolchristian.com

[Excerpt from a work of fiction "presented to stimulate thought and assist Christian families in homeschooling their children"]

One day while Father was away at work, a knock came at the door of the family's home. Mother opened the door and found a stern man with sharp teeth and a very pointy nose standing on the doorstep.

"May I help you?" Mother asked.
"I am here," snarled the man, "to inspect your home and your children."
Mother was surprised. "Whatever for?" she asked.

"It has been reported," snapped Mr. Pointy Nose, "that you do not institutionalize your children, as is the norm. It has been reported that you spend an abnormal amount of time with your children, and you have been seen laughing with them, and they with you. It has been reported that your teen child is not embarrassed to be seen with you and that she smiles while working in your garden and hanging laundry. I will have to inspect your house and ask you some questions."

Mother invited Mr. Pointy Nose in and offered him a cup of tea. Mr. Pointy Nose pulled a great pile of papers from his briefcase and began asking important questions: "How many television sets do you own, how often do you dine out, why do you have so many books, what do you have against institutions, why do you grow your own food, do your children know who Madonna is, how about Beavis and Butthead?"

89 comments

old comment by LDM

I used to work with a woman who was homeschooled. I used the term "woman" loosely because at 28 she had the maturity of a 12 year old. Could not function independently whatsoever, no fucking clue how to get along with people, couldn't cope with the ups and downs of life in the workplace. If the boss criticized her she cried and threatened to walk out. (which she eventually did, to no one's disappointment) She's now in her first ever relationship with a very controlling man, and sees nothing wrong with it and is morbidly obese because she has no concept of nutrition, and has no friends because she doesn't know how to make them and because she expects everyone she meets to wait on her hand and foot the way her mother did.

Yeah, great thing, homeschooling. But hey, she wasn't embarrassed to be seen with her parents. Only because she never knew another person until her early 20's.

Oh and academically, she was, to put it kindly, dumber than a box of rocks. Knew nothing about all those subjects homeschooled kids supposedly excel in.

old comment by Freethink

If someone has been or is being home schooled by a fundie you can usually tell by how UNschooled they really are (spelling, grammar, factual history, science, etc., etc.. I really fear for the future of our country, with the ignorant "teaching" more ignorance to a whole new generation.

We might have been colonizing Mars by now, or have found a cure for most horrible diseases if it were not for these wretched, ignoramuses and the "education" of their children.

It makes me very sad to see the decline in general knowledge that abounds these days; in the 21st century, with horse and buggy ideas.
Anyone familiar with "2001 a Space Odyssey" knows how capable we could have been, by now("HAL" notwithstanding).

This isn't an indictment on home schooling in general. I know some very intelligent and capable people that are home schooling their children and doing a great job of it.

old comment by Geno

I like how they point out the 'inspector's' features first thing to make him seem untrustworthy. That's right, teach your children to fear people because of how they look! Judge books by their cover! Way to raise your kids!

On top of that, how ludicrous is this?? Someone sees a teenager acting decent instead of like most of their obnoxious peers, and they call someone to look up on them? Are you serious? On top of that, what sort of organization would dedicate themselves to making sure that teenagers don't read and are enrapt in pop culture of the nineties?? And I ought to point out that none of these things have anything to do with homeschooling!

Inciting paranoia for the sake of making people insular for the lose!

old comment by Zeus Almighty

One Saturday morning while I was sleeping late someone rang the doorbell of my home, and kept ringing it until I got up in a rage and went to it wearing only boxer shorts.
I opened the door to find a not-very-bright looking, morbidly obese man with yellow teeth and sweat-covered forehead standing outside.
"What the fuck?" I said.
"I am here," snarled the man "to see if you have found Jesus."
I was surprised. "Why, I didn't know he was missing," I answered.
The man scowled briefly before restoring a yellowed smile to his face.
"It has been written," snapped Mr. Pork Belly, "that you do not attend any of the nearby houses of worship, as is the norm. It has been reported that you spend an abnormal amount of time with your dogs, and you have been seen playing games with them, and they with you. It has been reported that you are not embarassed when you see your neighbors returning home from church on Sunday mornings even though you did not attend. I must tell you about my savior Jesus."
I helpfully advised Mr. Pork Belly on several inventive ways in which he could go fuck himself.

old comment by Gloria

1. "institutionalize" implies locking the victim up in a padded room for minimal psychiatric care. Sending your child out into the world to socialize with other children and be taught by a qualified teacher does no really fit with that implication.

2. "wretched" and "aversion" are not particularly difficult words. a thirteen year old who can use them correctly is nothing extraordinary. I'm pretty sure I knew them when I was eight, and I (oddly enough) didn't get almost-seized by child services for it.

3. your "mother" character is too cutesey and preachy for words. Why did you write this if all you were going to do was set up a strawman and then preach at it until it died of boredom?

4. Given the quality of your writing (or lack thereof) I find the phrase "She has tutored children and adults in English, writing..." rather disturbing. You should not be teaching writing to anyone.

old comment by Josh

As a homeschooler myself, I implore you to please keep in mind that the majority of us are rational, levelheaded people with a genuine interest in knowledge and learning, not delusional paranoids like this writer. With any group, you will get your extreme individuals, and making decisions based on faulty perceptions is bad for any group. You can bring up examples of extremely foolish people who were homeschooled, and I can point to examples of illiterate individuals graduating highschool (besides the fact anecdotal evidence is terrible, for or against any conclusion).

All I'm saying is, not everyone who homeschools does so because they feel like they are being persecuted because they can't act "holier than thou" in a public school without being knocked of their high horse. Some people, like myself, do so because of legitimate concerns with the public school system, or because they have a style of learning that does not work well in a classroom setting, as just a few examples.