Quote# 64908

(The Rapturds are speculating about the hot new bodies Jesus is going to give them)

So we will all be like dolls? Bald bodies?

Or maybe we will be able to change body hair and hair length, by will. No razors or scissors necessary.

But what about plucked eyebrows? Most women love doing that a lot. Very few women don't pluck their eyebrows. We're gonna have plucked brows there? Or will they all be grown back?
And what about makeup? Its hard to picture wearing makeup up there...

TwinklingOfanEye, RaptureReady 73 Comments [8/19/2009 4:39:57 AM]
Fundie Index: 44

Username  (Login)
Comment  (Text formatting help) 

1 2 3 | bottom


That's a lot of vanity and pride.

8/19/2009 4:45:37 AM


Poe. At least I hope so...

*reads again*

*shakes head*


8/19/2009 4:49:14 AM

Philbert McAdamia

What is that, this months cover of Zombie Life?
Ooh, I can't wait to die and have Farrah Fawcett hair. And a new dress, every day, in my mansion built of gold! Thank you Lord Jesus.


8/19/2009 5:03:13 AM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

I just got a mental image of a heavenly choir made up of a dozen Tammy Faye Bakkers. It's not a pretty picture.

8/19/2009 5:06:09 AM


just to put this insane shit in perspective, this is (probably) an adult who is going on about this, let me repeat, AN ADULT! can you imagine being around this person? this is some scary stuff.

8/19/2009 5:07:17 AM


Sings "You're So Vain"

8/19/2009 5:13:42 AM

Mister Spak

Everyone will be like Mystique. Nobody will be able to tell who is who.

8/19/2009 5:23:08 AM


Are you guys even reading what you type? Shit.

8/19/2009 5:25:19 AM

Table Rock

Major self-image issues being projected here.

8/19/2009 5:33:33 AM

Quantum Mechanic

"Its hard to picture wearing makeup up there..."

Am I just getting old or are people getting even more pathetically stupid?

8/19/2009 5:34:48 AM


I want elf ears! And large eyeball-covering iridescent blue/purple/green combo irises. And a foot-long dick. And pterodactyl wings.

8/19/2009 5:43:07 AM

Mihangel apYrs

you also forgot to mention "greed".

for Xians they sure do do a lot of deadly sins!!

and if they're to spend eternity singing "holy, holy, holy" (or "sanctus, sanctus, sanctus" by the better educated) they're not going to be in mansions, and their clothes and accessories won't matter.

8/19/2009 5:44:56 AM

Paschal Wagner

Yes. And you will get to have sex with Brad Pitt every day, and all the people who wouldn't talk to you in high school will be sooooo jealous.

Now take your fucking meds.

8/19/2009 5:50:18 AM



You are going to spend eternity on your knees 'praising Gawd'. Apart from the sheer tedium of that, you are not supposed to be vain even whilst here on Earth, hence in your 'perfect' heaven, it won't sodding matter what you look like. The rest of will all be downstairs in the warm and doing all the stuff your not allowed to...(apparently).

EDIT: You just have to take a look at the whole thread, it is hysterical! At one point they speculate about whether they will have shaved their legs when they are raptured!

8/19/2009 6:00:43 AM


Heaven: Because if you're pretty on the outside and really, really believe hard enough, all the horrible shit you do and say will disappear.

Ironically enough, that's called the Halo Effect.

8/19/2009 6:03:09 AM

El Zorro

So many questions. Not enough answers.

8/19/2009 6:14:09 AM


No honey, you won't need scissors or a razor. They're not allowed in here, remember? And yes, you'll get a nice white robe.
Orderly, can we have a clean gown over here, please?
Now come on, Twinkie, Let's get you back to bed.
At least the meds are working, he's in his happy place.
let's hope we have a quiet night.

8/19/2009 6:25:21 AM


Sorry. Double post.

8/19/2009 6:25:28 AM

Doubting Thomas

And what about a Brazilian wax? Since heaven is a completely happy place, I'd think that Brazilian waxes would be painless. Will women be able to change their pubes at will? They could go from 70's bush to a trimmed & neat hairy triangle, to a landing strip, or completely bald just by wishing it.

8/19/2009 6:35:54 AM

Dr. Shrinker

So this is a bigger concern for them than all of the people, including friends neighbors and loved ones, who will be "left behind?" Well, whatever gets you out of bed in the morning...

8/19/2009 6:42:47 AM


You're not supposed to wear makeup on earth, never mind in heaven. You might cause some man to look at you lustfully and Jesus would never allow that. You're all supposed to spend eternity praising the lord, with no distractions.

8/19/2009 6:50:19 AM

Caustic Gnostic

You will all look like sheep.

8/19/2009 7:03:36 AM

Chancellor Gorkon

*facepalm of epic proportions*

Don't these people have jobs?

8/19/2009 7:18:01 AM


Heaven is Second Life?

8/19/2009 7:19:49 AM


Right now in Africa women and girls are being raped on a daily basis, and you are sitting around worrying about whether your god is going to make you look like Tammy Faye Baker while you're hanging out with Jeffrey Dahmer for eternity. Someone's priorities are slightly skewed.

8/19/2009 7:20:16 AM

1 2 3 | top: comments page