I guarantee that if you give up on Christ your life will definately get better.... why? Because the devil will not care about you.... he'll leave you alone. As you draw close to God you can expect attack.
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Let's see.
The devil will let be do anything I like, with anyone I like. He won't pretend to love me but then punish me with eternal torture for not playing some rigged game correctly. If I give him my soul, I'll have unbelievable, unlimited pleasures and anything that I want. Meanwhile, if I give my soul to YOUR god, I'll have to deny all my natural human urges and live in misery and be a good little Nazi until I die, and then I get to kiss his butt for eternity.
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
Oh Satan, where do I sign???
So, Satan makes life easier, and God makes it harder?
And we should turn to God, why again?
So wait a minute. When people get cancer, children get raped and whole cities are destroyed by volcanoes and earthquakes, which is it: God's testing our faith, or it's all Satan's doing? Fundies need to get their stories straight.
I guarantee that if you give up on Christ your life will definately get better....
Actually, it did.
Can someone explain to me why conservatives cannot spell the word "definitely" correctly?
Because the devil will not care about you.... he'll leave you alone. As you draw close to God you can expect attack
And he always attacks in the rectory.
"I guarantee that if you give up on Christ your life will definately get better.... why? Because the devil will not care about you.... he'll leave you alone."
Wouldn't that make things worse? You "give up on Christ" thus are no longer receiving any special protection from him (*snicker* ) so wouldn't Satan see you as a freebie and come after you even harder?
"As you draw close to God you can expect attack."
Funny that your supposedly loving deity allows such things happen to his most loyal followers without ever lifting a finger in their defense...
So wait, if I get closer to got, Satan will attack, or god? Either way good reason to staty away, fuck that shit.
What a recruiting Sergeant for Satan is Caveat Lector.
BTW, that's Latin for let the reader beware!
Dic mihi, Lector, nonne Satanas vero est?
Oh, btw 2, I also expect you to answer in Latin.
So either God lets Satan beat the hell out of you on earth and then treats you nice in the afterlife, or Satan treats you nice on earth and then God beats the hell out of you Himself in the afterlife? Sounds like something made up by a loser to try and convince himself that all he has to do is say "Jesus is my savior" instead of getting educated, getting a good job and working hard, and he'll have a crappy life on earth but get his reward later.
When I gave up on the magic sky daddy, my life stayed pretty much the same, except that I got to sleep in on the Sabbath, save the money that I had been tithing, and ignore the dead hand of superstition.
I guarantee that if you give up on Christ your life will definately get better.... why?
I know! I know! Let me answer!
Because the devil will not care about you.... he'll leave you alone. As you draw close to God you can expect attack.
Really? I was going to say feeling shame for things that are perfectly natural and normal. Like masturbating, eating pork and shellfish, and so on and so forth. Boy was I off, I never would have thought of how one mythical being not caring about you if you stop caring about another.
Never went in for that Christ - stuff son, as for the "devil." I'll grant that he's a more interesting and well rounded character than either Yahweh or his alleged son.
Personally I prefer modern deities that everyone knows are made up like Cthulhu or the FSM. None of that silly agonising over natural bodily functions or urges. One just wants to eat you and the other tastes delicious.
Well, if the theology of the Bible is right, HE WILL try to tempt you even more. After all, why going after a guy who doesn´t care much about the two anyway?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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