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Quote# 65778

I guarantee that if you give up on Christ your life will definately get better.... why? Because the devil will not care about you.... he'll leave you alone. As you draw close to God you can expect attack.

Caveat Lector, Y! answers 53 Comments [9/19/2009 7:48:36 AM]
Fundie Index: 24
WTF?! || meh
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Dakota Bob

Thanks for the good advice, fucko!

9/19/2009 7:51:39 AM

Lucilius

Now that's some world-class rationalization for a shitty life. The gap between "Jebus makes it all wonderful" and "My life still blows" must be bridged somehow.

9/19/2009 7:57:13 AM

RavenWood

Sound like good a good reason to leave them both alone.

9/19/2009 8:04:24 AM

EvoPagan

Let's see.

The devil will let be do anything I like, with anyone I like. He won't pretend to love me but then punish me with eternal torture for not playing some rigged game correctly. If I give him my soul, I'll have unbelievable, unlimited pleasures and anything that I want. Meanwhile, if I give my soul to YOUR god, I'll have to deny all my natural human urges and live in misery and be a good little Nazi until I die, and then I get to kiss his butt for eternity.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Oh Satan, where do I sign???

9/19/2009 8:05:29 AM

Caustic Gnostic

All the more reason to avoid god, if he automatically attacks us brain users who stray too close to him. Definitely.

9/19/2009 8:17:47 AM

Marc

So, Satan makes life easier, and God makes it harder?

And we should turn to God, why again?

9/19/2009 8:35:42 AM

John

So wait a minute. When people get cancer, children get raped and whole cities are destroyed by volcanoes and earthquakes, which is it: God's testing our faith, or it's all Satan's doing? Fundies need to get their stories straight.

9/19/2009 8:37:56 AM

Mudak

And yet, the devil is responsible for far fewer deaths than god...

9/19/2009 8:39:52 AM

Painful

Wait, what now? My life will get better, but then I'll be attacked? What kind of deal is that?

9/19/2009 8:40:40 AM

Papabear

Give up on one fictional character so that another fictional character will leave you alone? O_o

9/19/2009 8:51:44 AM

The FBI is controlling your thoughts via your toaster

Wait, Why should I avoid the Devil again?

9/19/2009 9:16:16 AM

Berny

Now there's an argument in favor of your religion!</snark>
Some asshole god you worship. You're probably the type of idiot who finds the story of Job to be inspiring.

9/19/2009 9:16:52 AM

Clown

And... that's a bad thing somehow?

9/19/2009 9:40:38 AM

Wehpudicabok

If God were real, he would make it easier to worship him than Satan, not the other way around.

9/19/2009 9:55:19 AM

aaa

I prefer going in solo anyway.

9/19/2009 9:58:57 AM

Old Viking

Reminds me of "Cheer up! Things could be worse. So I cheered up. And sure enough, things got worse."

9/19/2009 10:11:43 AM



I guarantee that if you give up on Christ your life will definately get better....

Actually, it did.

Can someone explain to me why conservatives cannot spell the word "definitely" correctly?

Because the devil will not care about you.... he'll leave you alone. As you draw close to God you can expect attack

And he always attacks in the rectory.

9/19/2009 10:37:58 AM

Horsefeathers

"I guarantee that if you give up on Christ your life will definately get better.... why? Because the devil will not care about you.... he'll leave you alone."

Wouldn't that make things worse? You "give up on Christ" thus are no longer receiving any special protection from him (*snicker*) so wouldn't Satan see you as a freebie and come after you even harder?

"As you draw close to God you can expect attack."

Funny that your supposedly loving deity allows such things happen to his most loyal followers without ever lifting a finger in their defense...

9/19/2009 11:44:42 AM

EllwyenDarwin

I should avoid the devil because.....

9/19/2009 12:41:40 PM

Godbuster

So wait, if I get closer to got, Satan will attack, or god? Either way good reason to staty away, fuck that shit.

9/19/2009 12:43:49 PM

Xotan

What a recruiting Sergeant for Satan is Caveat Lector.

BTW, that's Latin for let the reader beware!

Dic mihi, Lector, nonne Satanas vero est?

Oh, btw 2, I also expect you to answer in Latin.

9/19/2009 12:54:13 PM

John

So either God lets Satan beat the hell out of you on earth and then treats you nice in the afterlife, or Satan treats you nice on earth and then God beats the hell out of you Himself in the afterlife? Sounds like something made up by a loser to try and convince himself that all he has to do is say "Jesus is my savior" instead of getting educated, getting a good job and working hard, and he'll have a crappy life on earth but get his reward later.

9/19/2009 12:59:22 PM

szaleniec

People killed in the name of God: millions, I don't even know where to start counting.
People killed in the name of Satan: 0

9/19/2009 1:17:26 PM

werewolf

Since neither of them exist, wouldn't embracing reality be much better?

9/19/2009 1:34:21 PM

Galileo

I'll keep that in mind. Now DIAF.

9/19/2009 1:36:09 PM
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