Okay, the fruitcake supply isn't all that limited.
10/8/2009 3:18:29 PM
Standard response to moon hoaxer:
One question I often hear is: "If the moon landings were faked, why haven't we been back since 1972, and why will it take until 2020 to go back?"
The problem is that soon after Apollo 17, the Lunar Module set was damaged by a falling crane, and we were never able to build it back to look convincing enough. We were able to fake the Skylab missions using the remaining capsule set, which we also used to fake the Apollo-Soyuz mission with the Soviets. Shortly after, we started work on another "spacecraft", known as the shuttle. Those models worked well for a while, but they're showing their age now and won't hold up much longer.
The original moon sets were damaged in a fire shortly before the Apollo 13 "landing", which is why we had to fake the whole explosion, accident thing. The sets were rebuilt, and we managed to get four more "missions" done.
Our Constellation program is going to be done with computer graphics from the beginning. This way, we don't have to worry about sets and models. The hardest part will be getting the footage of the space station model to match up with the CGI Orion capsule. That's part of the reason they announced that the station will be "de-orbited" soon after the first flight of Orion.
The reason it will take us until 2020 to get back to the "moon" is because camera technology has improved so much, and Hollywood special effects have gotten so good that we need time to get the details right or people will think it doesn't look "real". Also, the longer we stretch it out, the longer we get funding. It's a fine balance between pretending to spend enough that they keep giving us funds, and pretending to spend too much that we get cut.
We got the Soviets to go along with the whole thing by pulling out of the Vietnam War and letting them take over. We also told them they could have Afghanistan. Nixon had to erase the 18 minutes of the recording where he was discussing this, and the whole Watergate break-in was simply to distract people from the fact that there was something sinister going on. Later, the Soviets were making noises about revealing that it was all faked and planning to cut off the CIA's access to cheap heroin, which they were trading for cocaine in Columbia, to sell in the U.S., to raise money to support the Mujahideen, so we started supplying the Mujahideen to keep the Russians quiet. Christa McAuliffe managed to find out about a lot of the goings on, and was reluctant to take the bribes we offered to keep her quiet, so we stuck her into Challenger and actually launched her in it. To make sure she wouldn't talk, we then used the same type of invisible missile that took down TWA 800. Since then, we have been very careful to choose only loyal actors to play astronauts.
Even with the safeguards in place to choose loyal people, Ilan Ramon managed to get into the program. We discovered that he was one of those crazy communist Zionists working undercover for the Mossad. He had enough information to blow our cover wide open in retaliation for our support of Islamic Mujahideen in Afghanistan against his true masters at the KGB. We made sure that Mossad got the message that we weren't to be messed with by destroying Columbia over Palestine, Texas. Of course, the invisible missile didn't have the ability to take down a shuttle at this altitude, so we had to use one of the new vehicles we built by reverse engineering the UFO from Roswell. Elvis was very helpful in teaching us to adapt the technology to our lesser earth materials. While the alien engineers could have easily provided us with the know-how and the ability to travel to the moon, not only more quickly then the so-called “NASA” claims, but more easily then the public would readily believe, they refused, sighting the need for their own military and scientific security of their classified bases on the far side of the moon. It is also because of this agreement that no major asteroid has hit the Earth in the past hundred years. The reason they came to visit our planet was because of our sizable weaponry that was being created at the beginning of the 1900’s by Nikola Tesla. They were drawn by Tesla, who tested his first (but neither last nor most powerful) death ray by targeting the North Pole. Explorer Peary, working for Tesla, was on a trek to the North Pole in order to judge the magnitude of the blast, but the weapon went farther and was more powerful then first thought, detonating a single tree in Tunguska, Siberia, causing the great Tunguska Event. Tesla continued his research into high-energy particle beams throughout his life, faking his own death in order to gain privacy. After his death in the late 70’s, he was buried underneath Cheyenne Mountain, beneath his lab which is still continuing his work.
Of course, it's a good thing the Illuminati killed Kennedy when they did, allowing the reptilian in disguise, Johnson, to take over. If the assassination (organized by Illuminati officer, Jimmy Hoffa) had not succeded, Sam Giancana and the Mafia would have had him impeached and voted out of office by submitting hidden orgy photos and video tapes of certain “High Level Peace Talks” with certain foreign powers, starring JFK, RFK, Jackie, Marilyn Monroe and other well known celebrities and powerful people. The Mob would have then elected J. Edgar Hoover for president, seeing as they already controlled him through photos of a number of his own transvestite, homo-erotic functions hosted under the name of “Mary” and paid for by the FBI. Since Nixon, every U.S. President has either been known to be corrupt or of sub-optimal intelligence, being controlled by the real power behind the Oval Office and every other nation in the world, the Free Masons, led, until recently, by Orville Redenbacher. If JFK had stayed in power, he probably would have made us skip the whole conspiracy and actually land on the moon. As if something crazy like that would ever happen.
NASA, Johnson Space Center
10/8/2009 3:42:01 PM
10/8/2009 3:42:08 PM
Not only that but the internet is a hoax as well, it's really the FBI controlling your thoughts via your toaster!
10/8/2009 5:09:31 PM
Considering the gazillion dollars worth of computers in NASA, wouldn't it be cheaper to have them done up here in the US?
Think of the savings in postage.
10/8/2009 5:11:45 PM
@ Dr. Razark
That was incredible.
10/8/2009 6:09:57 PM
I bow to you Dr. Razark. (However, I think you told some of the information that we mentioned at the meeting would not be discussed.)
10/8/2009 9:26:53 PM
How fitting, racists that don't understand science. Hey, don't stop making "t3h 4ry4n rayc" look intelligent anytime soon.
10/8/2009 10:08:32 PM
I am thinking poe here.
10/8/2009 10:55:01 PM
Oh, for fucks sake. I could do better shops cheaper.
10/9/2009 4:38:12 AM
Um... because the objects they're photographing are light years away, and being that far away they appear stationary?
Seriously, has nobody ever photographed a mountain from a car moving at 65 MPH? Why don't you always get blurry images of the mountain? Close objects are blurry, yes, but not those far away.
And I guess my big question is what does NASA gain by making photoshopped fake images of distant stars?
10/9/2009 8:46:27 AM
Oh, look, another idiot who can't grasp the concept of things being beyond this planet. Bet he can't even froth at the mouth properly.
10/9/2009 12:46:33 PM
And I was just wondering where all of the hoaxers were, given all of the moon-bombing talk that's been going on this week. Silly me.
10/10/2009 12:20:28 AM
Dr. Razark, I salute you. Far better than my theory of the Illuminati emerging from the Bermuda triangle in black helicopters on 21 December 2012, dropping off chupacabras here and there and leaving chem trails.
Your investigative powers are astounding.
10/10/2009 4:48:51 AM
@ Dr. Razark
I bow to your awesomness, don't feed me to the space lizards!
10/11/2009 2:46:15 AM
It is futile to believe your own thoughts Mr Murray, since they are not yours, you only think that they are. In fact, your thinking that you think that they are, are not even your own thoughts either.
The truth is, Mr Murray you are an almost lifeless hulk plugged in to a computerized virtual reality machine on board an alien star cruiser headed for M33 the Triangulum galaxy. And your job is to operate the alien toaster via the electronic signals of, what might loosely be called, your brain.
10/11/2009 5:50:00 AM
@ Dr. Razark
wirklich gut und schön
10/12/2009 6:32:05 PM
@ Dr. Razark
OH MY GOD. People down the hall think im nuts now from how hard i laughed.
10/13/2009 5:01:49 PM
That guy comes off as being very sarcastic, so I'm actually calling Poe on this one.
10/15/2009 8:41:22 AM
Dr. Razark thank you, really epic thank you. I havent laughed that hard in a long time.
10/16/2009 8:55:06 AM
@ Dr. Razark :
Let me add my voice to the choir: kudos on a beautifully constructed conspiracy. I laughed my ass off!
10/18/2009 8:48:00 PM
Note: his argument also requires the a geocentric view of the universe, specifically one where the Earth does not rotate either. Otherwise, that would mean that the Earth is moving at space at ridiculous speeds as well, and yet we can just go outside and take a picture of the sky. Put the camera on a tripod and it'll be steady as anything else.
Also, is the World WidE Conspiracy of Ultimate Power so hurting for money (that they can just produce at will - there symbol is on the dollar after all) that they need to outsource the creation of critical documents to China?
2/9/2010 9:53:55 PM
Dr. Razark, I consider myself something of a connoisseir of conspiracy theories, and yours is the best I have ever read. Congratulations, friend.
2/10/2010 7:03:06 PM
Dr. Razark, just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any better, you concluded with,
"If JFK had stayed in power, he probably would have made us skip the whole conspiracy and actually land on the moon."
WELL DONE, SIR! ... OR MADAME!
5/21/2010 4:01:17 PM
How DO they get such clear images from a lens moving 17,000 mph? Especially when the long exposure required for photographing dim light tends to be long?
I'm not saying the cosmos is a hoax. I'm just wondering what it is that frees this billion dollar telescope from the limitations found in my Sony Cybershot.
5/21/2010 4:08:08 PM