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Quote# 66482

If you read the Bible with an open mind , it appears that Jesus is the son of a human (Mary) and "God"/"Holy spirit", i.e. a hybrid. This means that this "God" must be genetically similar enough to humans to breed with us which makes the Nordics the most likely suspect. The aliens of the Bible look so much like humans that humans can't tell the difference (the angels/aliens who visit Lot are assumed to be "men").

Slightly off-topic: While I was looking through Matthew I discovered that Matthew starts with showing how Joseph is a descendent of some pretty important people in the Old Testament. Why does that matter seeing that Joseph is not Jesus biological father? Joseph is a descendent of king David, not Jesus. They also state that Joseph "knew her not" until Jesus was born. How would anyone know that? Interesting.

The passage I was looking for is:
Mat1:18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost.

No detail as to how they came to that conclusion. I derive from there that she was either impregnated by an alien directly or they used artificial insemination.

There is also:
Luke1:27 To a virgin espoused to a man whose name was Joseph, of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary.
Luke1:28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.

Lannock, If Jesus was an alien, what species? 22 Comments [10/18/2009 3:44:36 PM]
Fundie Index: 8
WTF?! || meh
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The WHHAAAMMMM Burglar

Sounds like a bad X-Files episode. Lannock's brain is out there somewhere, Scully and Mulder are currently looking for it.

10/18/2009 4:24:11 PM

Tolpuddle Martyr

Bible + Nordic master race + Aliens, congratulations!



[size=50]YOU WIN THE TRIFECTA[/SIZE]

...of gibbering idiocy.

10/18/2009 5:19:54 PM

SurfinSeaOtter

I have to admit.. I have never heard this one before.

this guy is actually able to think, too bad he's insane :P

10/18/2009 6:41:09 PM



@Tolpuddle Martyr

Nordic is type of alien, like Greys or Reptilians

10/18/2009 7:44:20 PM

jsonitsac

Sorry Tolpuddle, but it's only a bifecta, if that. In UFO circles the "Nordics" are a race of human like aliens that look like people from Norway, only they are on average 7 feet tall.

10/18/2009 8:34:14 PM

Antichrist

Well in a lot of ways this is no crazier that the shit we get off of RR, except it has better biblical support!

10/18/2009 9:22:30 PM

aaa

What.

10/18/2009 11:05:32 PM

Nathan the Wise

Lannock's mind is so open his brain done fell out.

10/18/2009 11:30:49 PM

WMDKitty

It's mythology, they can make it say anything they want.

10/19/2009 12:34:50 AM

Zits

Star Trek time...a little zygote got beamed in snug and safe into a virgin's fertile womb...

10/19/2009 12:49:02 AM

werewolf

Fantasy is fun because you can just make it up as you go along.

One question: As a hybrid, where would Jesus keep the batteries? D or 2A?

10/19/2009 11:20:29 AM

Doubting Thomas

Jesus was an alien... congratulations, that's one I really hadn't heard before, to my knowledge.

The internet... proving that there's no shortage of kooks in the world since 1993.

Oh and BTW, this does kind of sound like a Star Trek TNG episode where the one lady (counselor something) was impregnated by an alien who wanted to learn what it was like to be human.

10/19/2009 2:04:23 PM

Table Rock

If Jesus was an alien, he would be like E. T.. When Jesus comes back though, he is totally going to be like Predator.

10/19/2009 2:39:06 PM

Percy Q. Shunn

lol.

Whut?

10/20/2009 3:58:30 AM

Misty

You know... before going to the aliens hypothesis, I'd think that she... I dunno... Lied and had sex with some dude.

10/20/2009 5:19:17 PM



If you're trying to tell me that Mary was a Pamela Anderson look-alike(remember that her genes must be in Jesus too), please, try better. She was born in Nazareth, same as Joseph.

10/21/2009 1:54:10 AM

atrasicarius

Oh god, the title of that thread is pretty much the best line ever.

10/22/2009 5:45:09 PM

Raffello

News flash, buddy- nothing in the bible makes any sense.

10/23/2009 7:24:47 AM

Totenkopf

I refuse to acknowledge there is anyone on abovetopsecret who seriously believes this shit...

10/23/2009 10:28:51 AM



This isn't really violent or the sort of thing that would cause them to start trouble. If anything it will bother the fundies, so I wouldn't really say its that huge :P

10/23/2009 4:37:16 PM

anonymouse

Couln't it have been a reptillian? I remember one of these kooks saying that they are shapeshifters. How cool would that be if Ol' JC was some kinda lizard themed superhero of the age of superfluous prophets.

2/9/2010 9:53:04 PM

Anon E Mouse

"open mind"

To a scientist, an open mind means "Don't reject a falsifiable position until it is subjected to sufficient experiments". Most normal people have a similar definition, minus technical terms and maybe a bit more fluid.

To a true believer, an open mind means "If you imagine that what I'm saying is true, it's pretty obvious to see that what I'm saying is true". It is beyond the pale for a true believer to imagine that somebody could listen to their evidence and then reject it except if they have a "closed mind".

3/12/2012 9:49:53 PM
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