I called forth the next spirit inside of Jeff.
"I demand the next spirit to come to attention, in the name of Jesus.'
"I'm here."
"What's your name, spirit?"
"I'm Chains and Karma and we are heading towards you, to attack you."
I immediately told the spirit that he would cease from coming near me, due to the fact that I was covered with the blood of Jesus. The demon was stopped from attacking me. I wanted to know the spiritual right the vile spirit had to Jeff.
"Why are you there?"
"Jeff had sexual contact with a cat."
This perverse demon had been tormenting Jeff for years because of the sin of bestiality that he participated in. My wife and I have dealt with many afflicted individuals who got demons through the sin of bestiality.
Jeff received this mercy and truth. I had the high honor of driving the many demons inside of him out. Not only did God deliver him from the many evil spirits tormenting him but God also healed him of the colon and skin cancer, moles, and sinus problems.
55 comments
Where exactly do they live that beastiality is a daily thing that keeps coming up?
Oh right, the Bible Belt.
"I had the high honor of driving the many demons inside of him out."
must.not.make.dirty.reference....
gaaaaaaah...
I'll just BET you drove some demons out of him...*cue 70's porn music*
Now where'd you get that? They sell that stuff in stores now? Must have been expensive that Blud O' Jebus...
This whole account reads like the dialogue of a comic book, and a really lame one at that. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: These people live in a comic-book universe (or at least they apparently think that they do).
"Not only did God deliver him from the many evil spirits tormenting him but God also healed him of the colon and skin cancer, moles, and sinus problems."
Sounds like "alternative medicine" claptrap in overdrive. Everything from evil spirits and multiple cancers to sinus problems? I honestly cannot think of anything sufficiently snarky to say to this. It's just so freakin' laughable as to be self-parody.
So, I can cure my sinus problems by having sex with a cat?
I think I might stick with nasal spray, if it's all the same to you...
Did God also cure him of all the scratches he got from fucking the cat?
And seriously, a cat? How does anyone... No, I really don't want to know. But I'm willing to state I don't think it's physically possible without doing serious damage to the cat, unless Jeff is unusually small or something.
My wife and I have dealt with many afflicted individuals who got demons through the sin of bestiality.
What crowd do you hang out with? Oh that's right GOOD TRUE CHRISTIANS
I've never met a cat fucking atheist, or at least they don't go around bragging about it.
God also healed him of the colon and skin cancer, moles, and sinus problems.
If you're going to tell stories, at least come up with cooler demons.
How about Kakfdh'akfl'f, the demon you have sexual contact with a succubus?
HOLY SHIT!! That sounds like it is beyond belief..I too want this as well!!!
Wait..its all bullcrap?
Yup, thought so. If it sounds too good to be true, then it is.
Jeff had sex with a cat? a housecat?
Poor bastard must be hung like Needledick the Bugfucker. No wonder his head is all fucked up. Demons, my ass.
<i>And seriously, a cat? How does anyone... No, I really don't want to know. But I'm willing to state I don't think it's physically possible without doing serious damage to the cat, unless Jeff is unusually small or something.</i>
A therapist friend of mine had a patient who molested cats. He'd come in to his appointments covered in scratches.
She's not a therapist anymore. The weirdness was too much for her.
Coming this May to theatres near you.
Karma is a demon? How strange. I was under the impression that it was a natural law originating form Eastern religions like Brahmanism and Buddhism, but apparently, this guy knows more about than I do...
Not.
Someone please pass legislation permitting the mental evaluation of individuals like this on a mandated basis. Crazy like this, should not be walking free to spread it further. We live in an age of science, reason and technology, while we have morons like this spreading misinformation that promotes cancer and other disease. Treatable disease, that morons will otherwise not have examined and treated medically, because they believe invisible fairies are actually responsible for their melanoma.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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