Jesus's Girl #fundie

Jesus's Girl #fundie rr-bb.com

I remember my grandmother said when she was younger, "When I was a little girl, the rapture was near". Now she's 70. That's not so comforting because people were even saying it then and now, almost 2010, Jesus hasn't shown up yet. I just need some encouragement because I want Him to come so bad that I am seriously trying not to say "He could come tonight" cause when another day passes I become so depressed... Does anyone else feel like this? I wish Jesus would come NOW!

146 comments

old comment by Pule Thamex

Hi Jesus's Girl, The good news is that He could come in the next ten minutes. Can you imagine that? How exciting would that be? There'd be barely enough time to straighten your hair and put some lipstick on whilst rushing about trying to find and put on a clean pair of knickers, not that you'll be needing them where you're going, whether they are clean or not.

The bad news is He might not come within the next 10 billion, billion, trillion years. By the end of that time of course mankind will have long become extinct, in which case, there won't be any point in Him coming at all.

So your best bet is try to take a balanced view and consider the available evidence before getting your hopes up. Bit of a dilemma really, next ten minutes or never? Ten minutes, never? Ten minutes, never? Oh dear, I do see how it's quite possible to get worked up about the timing. Oh well. Never mind, it'll sort itself out one of these days, I expect.

old comment by Percy Q. Shunn

I can't help it, it's like candy...

Jesus is a friend,
Yeah, I know he's been
A good friend of mine
But lately something's changed
That ain't hard to define
Jesus's got himself a girl
And I want to make her mine
And she's watching him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body,
I just know it
Yeah 'n' he's holding her in his arms late,
Late at night

You know, I wish that I had Jesus's girl,
I wish that I had Jesus's girl
Where can I find a woman like that
I play along with the charade,
there doesn't seem to be a reason to change
You know, I feel so dirty
When they start talking cute
I wanna tell her that I love her,
But the point is probably moot
'Cos she's watching him with those eyes
And she's lovin' him with that body,
I just know it
And he's holding her in his arms late, late at night

Like Jesus's girl,
I wish that I had Jesus's girl
Where can I find a woman,
Where can I find a woman like that
And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time,
Wondering what she don't see in me
I've been funny,
I've been cool with the lines
Ain't that the way
Love supposed to be
Tell me, where can I find a woman like that

[Solo]

You know, I wish that I had Jesus's girl,
I wish that I had Jesus's girl
I want Jesus's girl,
Where can I find a woman like that, like
Jesus's girl,
I wish that I had Jesus's girl,
I want,
I want Jesus's girl

old comment by Antichrist

Really people look at this list, it fits you to a T

If you identify with several of the following signs and symptoms, and they just won’t go away, you may be suffering from clinical depression.

* Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. A bleak outlooknothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.
* Loss of interest in daily activities. No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.
* Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gaina change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.
* Sleep changes. Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).
* Irritability or restlessness. Feeling agitated, restless, or on edge. Your tolerance level is low; everything and everyone gets on your nerves.
* Loss of energy. Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.
* Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.
* Concentration problems. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.
* Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

I've also seen these symptoms on the board

Warning signs of suicide include:

* Talking about killing or harming one’s self
* Expressing strong feelings of hopelessness or being trapped
* An unusual preoccupation with death or dying
* Acting recklessly, as if they have a death wish (e.g. speeding through red lights)

* Calling or visiting people to say goodbye
* Getting affairs in order (giving away prized possessions, tying up loose ends)
* Saying things like “Everyone would be better off without me” or “I want out.”
* A sudden switch from being extremely depressed to acting calm and happy.

GET PROFESSIONAL HELP!
Do you really believe your god wants you to be miserable? What the hell kind of God is that?

old comment by Chris

This is just... seriously depressing. I wish there was something we could do to help these people, but they never seem to want to help themselves. I really think there are some potentially suicidal people on this site, and they all keep reinforcing their own miserable delusions. It's almost like they are TRYING to get each other to kill themselves...

I hate to say this, but I predict that at some point in the future, we will begin to see more and more posts on Rapture Ready that say something to the effect of;

"I think Jesus called me in my dreams last night to go home with him early, but I need to hurry before He changes his mind. See you all in Heaven! Bye for now!(insert obnoxious smiley here)"

And the worst part is, we will all be here to see it, and there will be nothing we can do to help them.

old comment by Anon-e-moose

"I remember my grandmother said when she was younger, "When I was a little girl, the rapture was near". Now she's 70."

Maybe that fact should give you the hint, dearie.

"That's not so comforting because people were even saying it then and now, almost 2010, Jesus hasn't shown up yet."

Truth hurts, doesn't it, bitch?

"I just need some encouragement"

Your 'faith' & 'beliefs' are LIES, and the whole (C)Rapture thing is a load of bollocks. That enough encouragement, sweetie?

"because I want Him to come so bad that I am seriously trying not to say "He could come tonight"

And when 12 midnight strikes tonight, that'll be further proof that one more day the (C)Rapture hasn't happened, is one more day we Atheists are proved right.

"cause when another day passes I become so depressed... Does anyone else feel like this?"

Why not try doing one of two things, Jesus's Girl?:

1- Accelerate said (C)Rapture by drinking the special Kool-Aid.

2- Acknowledge that it'll never happen, the (C)Rapture is a LIE, along with everything you've been made to believe, which is complete bollocks, and become part of reality by becoming an Atheist.

"I wish Jesus would come NOW!"

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old comment by Lucilius

One day when I was heading to class at college (late as usual), there was a little old lady tottering at the end of my sidewalk. She had to be well into her 90s, and was just barely standing. As I walked up, she thrust a slip of paper into my hand. I thought, "All right, I'll be a nice guy and help her find the address she's looking for, and be even later to class. She shouldn't be out here all alone." I looked at the paper, and she rasped out "A warning for you!" As she turned and tottered off, I saw it was a stock "Jebus is coming tomorrow to burn you, wretched sinner!" pronouncement. I saw that she'd put an identical slip under the windshield wiper of every car on the street. At the speed she was moving, it must have taken her hours.

Given her age (and the date), this woman could have been passing out identical "He's almost here!" garbage since end of World War I. And the disconnect and futility never, ever registered.

old comment by Doubting Thomas

You know, actually what makes these people think that Jesus' second coming and the end of the world is necessarily going to happen in their lifetimes? Even in the bible it states that no one will know the hour or the day, or something like that. But for some reason they've all convinced themselves that Jesus is coming to personally take them up to heaven. Guess it's part of the "I'm so special" attitude that they desperately cling to. That, and they've probably never really read or understood the bible. But I mean, if it's taken him 2000 years so far, what's another 2000 years to wait? Makes sense to me, but to them it's all, "No! He's coming any day now! Soon!"

And yes, I know in the bible Jesus told people that he would return and the end of the world would occur in their lifetimes, but it doesn't help trying to point this out to them, either.

old comment by Dr. Novakaine

You are the most pathetic people on the planet. You're like those shut-in nerds who act like total assholes on the Internet because they're incapable of amounting to anything in real life. Like them, you don't even make an effort to make something useful of yourselves, and you just whine about how things should be better for you without you having to do anything about it. Like having a good life is some sort of privilege you deserve, for what reason is completely beyond me because you've never done a single thing that's of any use to anyone.

I'm going to keep doing my job, learning things that could be used to better society, and make an effort to be remembered for helping others. And I will be happier than you will ever be, because you've decided to waste you life waiting for the world to hand you everything on a silver platter and whining because it will never happen.

old comment by Giveitaday

I remember my grandmother said when she was younger, "When I was a little girl, the rapture was near". Now she's 70.

That ought to tell you something right there.

That's not so comforting because people were even saying it then and now, almost 2010, Jesus hasn't shown up yet.

Considering he was supposed to be back in the lifetimes of his disciples I'd say he's rather fucking late. Why is it that feel that you are somehow entitled to have the rapture happen in your lifetime?

I just need some encouragement because I want Him to come so bad that I am seriously trying not to say "He could come tonight" cause when another day passes I become so depressed

Do you not have the sense to step back for a moment and see what you are doing to yourself? You are constantly and deliberately setting yourself up to be let down, and on a daily basis no less. Have you even give a thought as to how it effects your family to see you like this? Do you have kids? How do you think it makes them feel to see you get all worked and let down day after day?

Does anyone else feel like this?

If they do then I pity them, but only so much as it ultimately themselves who are the authors of their sorrow.

I wish Jesus would come NOW!

Because when it comes down to it, it is all about you and what you want, and everybody else be damnned.

old comment by moose

Hey Jeebus's girl, just to let you know. Jeebus DID return. The rapture happened. Not over here of course, over in Israel (that is why you didnt see it here, it was on the other side of the world). The sky opened, the trumpets started blowing, angels were flying all around, and a couple of seconds later, Satan come out of nowhere and cut jeebus's head off with an axe. The angels were mortified, and fled in horror. Satan sewed up the hole in the sky with a cloud. It all happened within a few seconds. Those that were not looking up at the sky thought it was just a few cars blowing their horns at a red light. Oh well. the long and the short of it: Jeebus came. Satan won. It all happened in the twinkling of an eye. It's over. Nothing to wait for. Now get on with your stupid miserable life.

old comment by Anon-e-moose

@botox

"So wants Jesus to comes? Does she prefer facials or creampies from Jesus and Disciples?"

Holy Bukkake, Batman!

@Typhon

"And please, guys, could you cut the sexual innuendo crap?
These people really do have a problem.
You wouldn't laugh at anyone else with clinical depression, right?
Grow the hell up."

Well, the solution is simple. Those on Ruptured Retards to grow up, realise that eveything they 'believe' is a lie, and that the (C)Rapture is nothing more than an 18th Century extra-biblical lie. That is their 'problem'.

...but there's nothing wrong with innuendo. Hell, much of the humour here in Britain is based on the Gratuitous Double-Entendre; "The Young Ones" & "Bottom", "Blackadder", Finbarr Saunders in "Viz" comic, and much earlier; "Up Pompeii", the "Carry On" films" and Julian & Sandy in the old radio series "Round the Horne"; even Max Miller on the music hall stage.

US TV's(h)itcoms could do with a bit of innuendo. Ye gods, but they're completely unfunny! (the only ones that made me laugh out loud were "Sgt Bilko" and "Third Rock From The Sun").

[/rant]

old comment by Angie!!!

Help when your mind is clouded with negative thoughts

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things" (Philippians 4:8).

Help when You am fearful

"I sought the Lord and He heard me, and delivered me from my fears " (Psalm 34:4).

Help when You am afraid of death

"Jesus too shared in our humanity so that by his death he might destroy him who holds the power of death - that is, the devil --- and free us who all our lives were held in slavery by our fear of death" (Hebrews 2:14,15).

Help when You cry out

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:17,18).

old comment by Angie!!!

Help when You lack strength

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is my strength" (Psalm 73:26).

Help when You am discouraged

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul ... Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me, your rod and staff comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever" (Psalm 23).

Jesus said "I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full" (John 10:10).

Do not let the horrors of this world weign down upon you so much young girl. Just remember to pray for others, speak kind words, do kind acts, and always smile so that when others see you they don't see a depressed young girl who is sad about life but a girl who loves Christ and loves others because Christ is within her heart and soul.

Jesus's Girl #fundie rr-bb.com

146 comments

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