[What will your role be in heaven?]
I would like to like to keep the pearls shiny or maybe sweep the streets of gold and praise and praise and praise.
123 comments
You know in heaven there is no conflict everything is perfect. It would drive one insane.
Pretty boring, give me Val Halla where I can watch death sports as a pasttime.
I get this eerie feeling that Rapture Ready is secretly a meeting place for S&M fetishists. For instance, this is MsSophie telling us in code that she is a submissive that would like to wear a french maid outfit while praising her big, strong Master.
I'll never understand why physical items like pearls and gold would be used in the construction of the Christian Heaven. All of the construction materials they speak of have been fought over and are generally considered to be symbols of opulence and overindulgence and I . . . . Ooooooh, I see. Got it.
Karlsbad: And oblivion is an improvement how, exactly? Boredom is not something that can hope to be inescapable, but how does one escape oblivion?
Anyway, I do wonder how praise can be a joyous process in and of itself...
@Skyknight : Because oblivion is free from such things as pain and boredom, and the suffering that they bring with them. One need not escape from oblivion, because oblivion is the escape.
I should say that I wouldn't prefer oblivion to a short life though, just in preference to an eternal one.
An infinity of pearls that you have to shine, ( and what, I wonder , is there in heaven that will tarnish them ?), never ending, never changing. Just pick up, polish, put down, repeat for ever and ever and ever and ever.....
That sounds like heaven to you ? Sounds like hell to me.
If heaven is so perfect why would you need to shine pearls or sweep the streets?
As for the praising, sounds more like hell to me.
If it's boring on earth, why would it be less boring in heaven?
Oh right, you're brainwashed.
"#1100078
Zeus Almighty
Why MsSophie, when Jesus comes he just might give you a pearl necklace."
Jesus will give Sophie that Pearl necklace because not only did she make Jesus come but she swallows too.
" keep the pearls shiny "
Reminds me of an earlier quote...
http://www.fstdt.net/QuoteComment.aspx?QID=69425
" Lord willing, I'm going to start at His head and kiss Him all the way down to His toes, and the whole time I'll be saying 'Thank You MY LORD and SAVIOUR, 'Thank You MY LORD and SAVIOUR, Thank You MY LORD and SAVIOUR' and even that won't be sufficent enough, so ya'll may just have to take a number and stand in line to wait about a million years behind me, before ya'll get to say your 'Hello's. "
I wouldn't say I'd like to live forever, merely by virtue that I think living past the end of the world would have consequences that I can't imagine, but I doubt would be pleasant.
But living for all existence seems like it would be interesting to me. The world is always changing, so there's always something new to see or learn. I have no idea how someone could get bored.
You know the Bible never really described heaven, much less the "fluffy clouds and harps" version people are so familiar with.
And to quote GWAR since it's actually kinda relevant: "What were you told? / That the streets would be paved with gold? / I got news for you... / YOU are the road". I personally look forward to walking on a road made of fundies.
According to Revolations 21, there will be a Jerusalem in Heaven that will be a cube twelve thousand furlongs equal in length and breadth, with high walls made of jasper and other rare stones with twelve pearl gates, with the streets of the city being made of pure gold.
Revolations - 21:11-21
Not heaven itself I understand, but it seems to me the best place in the Bible as to what the general area will look like to those who die, and go to heaven.
@Skyknight
"Karlsbad: Pain and boredom are hardly things that can last forever. They're well worth the ability to experience things. Existence is strictly superior to non-existence, anyway."
Care to qualify that statement? You didn't exist for many millenia before you were born, the non-experience doesn't seem to have scarred anyone in the least.
Now, I am all for fundie-bashing, but this is a sweet post. If she loves her God this much, why wouldn't she want to spend eternity woshipping Him? It sounds like the perfect reward, to get to praise the one in person you've been praising in faith your whole life.
Wait, her idea of heaven is to be a roadsweeper or a housecleaner? And why the hell would either be needed in the first place? Heaven is supposed to be this perfect place in the presence of a perfect god. How could there be dust or tarnish to need sweeping or polishing.
This is the very limit of this woman's hopes and dreams. Her idea of paradise, of an eternal reward for her faith and devotion, is to be a skivvy. It is one of the saddest things I have ever read on FSTDT.
Like Anna, I'm not going to bash this one, but I disagree that this is "sweet." MsSophie should be commended for not wishing for golden crowns and enormous spectral mansions, or ringside seats at the lake of fire. But to have such limited horizons, such meagre desires, goes beyond just virtue. In rejecting self-indulgence she has passed by self-improvement, in discarding greed she has lost growth. I pity her.
May your god give you your heart's desire, MsSophie. For what it's worth.
(louislois)
"Sounds a lot like North Korea..."
Actually, Richard Dawkins made that very comparison. He went on to say that "at least one is able to escape from North Korea in death", whereas even that isn't an option in heaven.
IS pearl polishing a term for lesbian oral sex ?
Is that streets of gold or code for golden showers ?
Is Praise praise praise code for spend my time in continual orgasm shouting OH GOD over and over again for eternity ?
Well,I think I'll "project manage"the lard a tad when I get to heaven.He didnt do such a spiffing job with his creations here on earth,what with cancer an all.
Plus there.s this perpetual hiding from plain sight or senses for that matter,show yourself mate,helps the credibility along swimmingly.
So heaven is filled with earthly materials then?
I kinda think the lard has respect for someone who stands up for him/herself,especially seeing as I could be a useful advisor to said deity,being a bit violent and kinda petty that he is,bit of a spoilt child really,needs a spanking methinks.
So, in heaven all you're going to be doing is polishing the pearl? Can I watch? And would you mind if I brought a video camera?
And why is it that masturbation is evil on earth but OK in heaven?
Damn! I finally understand why so many cult initiations boil down to free drudge work. Like shooting fish in a barrel.
It sounds to me like this person's concept of happiness could be obtained by combining LSD, Oxycontin, and a severe case of Down's Syndrome. Basically, "switch off brain forever, ga-ga Da-Da! Ga-ga!" while grinning like an idiot. Were the Buddhists right, this person aspires to be a cud-chewing milk cow in her next life.
My version of heaven would be something like the Playboy mansion with filet mignon and shrimp for dinner, a staffed wet bar with the finest quality double-malt scotches from around the world, and a wine cellar with the finest quality wines.
And Ms Sophie would stop by once a week to polish the pearls on my front door and sweep the golden street in front of my mansion while I soak in the hot tub with several young, naked, hot & horny women.
Oooooooooh, may I polish the chrome on jesus' hot rod, and all the brass doorknobs and such? Huh? May I pleeeeeeease . And pick up the cigarette butts all over heaven forever like I did for 4 years in the navy? See, I'm qualified for the job.
@ David B.
This is the very limit of this woman's hopes and dreams.
It reminds me of a biker who won $12,000,000 in the lottery a few years ago. Asked if he would be buying a lot of choppers or what would he do with the money he said, "Buy another bike? Naw, the old lady already has hers. I guess just pick up some toys for the kids and stuff."
No concept of what had just happened. He'd be just as happy winning a couple hundred, which is probably what he was left with when all his new found friends made the move on him.
There was a guy who won the Irish Sweepstakes around 1963. His job was replacing the lightbulbs every night in a New York City high rise. He said he was going to hire a guy to carry the ladder.
One person's heaven seems to be another's hell.
I also find sad that the conception of heaven of these people is so focused on material stuff.
Roads of gold and pearly gates... If paradise truly exists, it is not something that mundane.
Plus, you know, that heaven is inmaterial. Hard to get gold there.
"I would like to like to keep the pearls shiny or maybe sweep the streets of gold and praise and praise and praise."
Yeah, you do that. Meanwhile, we in Hell will be partying with all the cool people. A poolside bash, with babes & hunks for those not married previously (or are swingers), the best in eats & drinks, and of course Lucifer as the host & DJ (hey, remember who has all the best tunes?!).
...what, you think it's gonna be a Lake O'Fire with infinite pain, unimaginable & eternal torments? Wailing, moaning & gnashing of teeth?! Just remember why Lucifer was cast down from Heaven MsSophie, and everyone on Ruptured Retards.
MsSophie. You dont get that choice.
In heaven you get ONE choice, To kneel on that hard gold floor, and grovel to your god for all eternity.... Rising only when your god commands you to march off to war.
But only if you are one of the 144,000 "elect", who's names were picked out befor the creation of the world.
And guess what MsSophie... Those 144,000 are all virgin, male, jewish, warriors.
@solomongrundy:
Yeah. Reading it in context, I'm not actually sure if this is a sincere expression of humility/low expectations on the part of MsSophie here, or if it's part of this competition half the thread seem to be running on who can be the most humble. "I want to sweep the floors in heaven!" "Yeah? Well, I want to clean up the horseshit! Top *that*!"
@Rat of Steel
"Actually, Richard Dawkins made that very comparison. He went on to say that 'at least one is able to escape from North Korea in death', whereas even that isn't an option in heaven."
Actually it was Christopher Hitchens who said that.
[What will your role be in heaven?]
Jesus and I are going to snort blow off the asses of hot chicks, drink Irish whisky and jam to Jimi Hendrix and other great musicians ever night. There are no hangovers in heaven, you never have bad acid trips, and the hot chicks never have STDs.
... And in the morning we'll play video games. I'm going to totally bust all of Jesus' high scores.
Isn't there ever a point at which it's ok to stop thanking someone for something? I mean, there would have to be, or the other person would be a sociopath, right?
How cute. You know, when I was 5, I wanted to be the one to sweep the clouds out of the sky.
Wait...this is an ADULT??? Oh.
o.0
You know, I'm a million times more humble than thou art!
But that's enough about me, I'm off: the Galactic Internet's not going to build itself, you know.
Sorry, but what is the point of having streets of gold in heaven anyway? Sure they'd look nice for a few minutes, but after a while it'd look as though god let 50 cent and a bunch of his rapper mates do the interior design.
If you read the original thread one of them points out there would be no dust in heaven, so in that case what kind of god would force his followers to clean up non-existent dirt for all eternity... as a REWARD!
> I would like to like to keep the pearls shiny or maybe sweep the streets of gold and praise and praise and praise.
Oh yeah? That sounds boring. I'd probably grab a bunch of those pearls to simulate universe . Doing something worthwhile to pass time in immortality and all that!
Given the quality of people who seem certain they're getting into heaven, then I hope, if there is a such a thing as heaven and hell, that I get admitted to hell. Think about it--eternally warm, filled with billions of interesting people (and aliens, plants, animals, etc.), plus great music, great books and movies, hot sex--all the things you're supposed to go to hell for--and Satan himself hosting the party. The only ones who would be wailing, moaning, and nashing their teeth would be the ones who couldn't stand such fun--picture, for a moment, Hitler sobbing in misery as his victims party around him.
Given the fundie idea of morality, Jesus himself would probably be in hell, telling Hitler and Torquemada that he forgives them, then walking away in frustration as the two continue to wail in misery at the sheer horror of being forgiven by a Jew.
that sounds incredibly fucking boring. That's the best you can imagine for a perfect paradise?
Me, if I had to pick an afterlife, I'd want an infinite library.
That doesn't sound like heaven, that sounds like hell...
What are you, some kind of masochist?
They're fighting over who gets the crappiest job because of the Bible verses that say something along the lines of "He who humbles himself will be exalted." So rather than face the humiliation of choosing an awesome job and having Jesus say, "Nope, scrubbing toilets for you," they're hoping that if they "hope for" scrubbing toilets, Jesus will say "Friend, what are you doing here? Go test video games!"
Well, that's what some of them are doing, anyway. Others are probably just thinking that if they're lucky enough to get into heaven, they'd better keep their mouths shut.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.