Quote# 7004

In all seriousness, this is my sons favorite part of going to heaven. He's only 9, but says he can't wait to kick satan's butt for all the times he duped him into believing his lies. My son goes: Mom, I'm gonna get one of those cool sparkly shields of faith, and that Huuuuge sword of righteousness..you know ma, the one that will scare the 'bajiddlies' outta satan and then I'm gonna open up a can o'whoop on him. Then he prances out of the room. Gotta love it.

Bethshaya, Rapture Ready 37 Comments [4/1/2004 12:00:00 AM]
Fundie Index: 10

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...yes, it's great... However, I suggest making him realize that that's about as impossible a goal as beating up Santa since neither he nor Satan exist.

1/2/2008 5:28:51 PM

Doctor Fishcake

"Cool sparkly shield of faith"? I'm calling Poe.

1/2/2008 5:35:37 PM

Philbert McAdamia

Uh . . . your son "prances"? Something tells me you aren't going to like the direction this is going. That Huuuuge "sword" idea may bear watching, too.

1/2/2008 7:25:40 PM


Poe... Please?

1/2/2008 7:33:35 PM


When are you going to teach your son to speak English?

1/2/2008 7:51:49 PM



Philbert, you're my new best friend!

1/3/2008 3:02:26 AM


He doesn't need a shield, just a giant sword. And a cool attack with explosions and everything.

FINISHING STRIKE! *thrusts sword forward* FINAL BLAST! *leaps up with sword making a plume of fire*

(that one's mine)

1/3/2008 4:02:52 AM


better warn him about Satan's thorny cock - he loves fucking little boys (almost as much as the Catholic priests do)

1/3/2008 4:46:05 PM


This kid is gonna get DEVOURED come High School.

1/4/2008 5:54:56 AM


lul sword of righteousness

Still, how are you going to strike Satan from all the way up in Heaven?

5/12/2008 6:03:06 AM

El Guapo

Your son = Dennis the Manace x Voltron - Awesome.
Besides, who the hell talks like that?

5/12/2008 9:24:04 PM


Then he prances out of the room.

Looks like we got us one of them queer-o-sexuals.

12/14/2008 12:02:25 PM

Titan Uranus

Satan wins by kicking the prancing queer sparkly shield wielding christian kid in the face.

12/14/2008 12:06:30 PM


Sounds like someone's been playing too much WoW.

2/23/2009 5:31:53 AM

If the kid is going to heaven, how will he get to Satan? I thought Old Nick was banned from the big party in the sky?

2/23/2009 8:43:59 PM


Is a can o' whoop like cool wHip?

2/23/2009 11:35:49 PM

G. Fieendish

Let's see what weapons Satan has in his armoury, to counter this deluded fool, shall we...
(all weapons are from the Rapture RPG sourcebook, Fist of God)
1) Screamer - This weapon is the demonic equvalent of a sonic stungun, made out of a child's skull, which when emits a screech, from presumebly, the souls of the damned. The victim must make a wisdom/will save vs DC 18, or lose 1d6 points of Wisdom & gain a GM allocated insanity...
2) Hellfire Thrower - This weapon is the demonic version of a Plasma Gun, in that it fires bolts of plasma from the forges of Tarturus, at it's victim, or victims, as the bolt itself has a 10ft blast range, inflicting 4d8 damage to anything in the blast radius...
3) Ripper - This appears to be a metal tube/pipe. When used in combat, a mass of barbed, hooked cords spring out form the end, piercing the victim's flesh... However, it's when said cords retract back into the device, that it gets its name, as said cords turn the victim into a mass of bloody ribbons, inflicting 4d10 damage...

2/26/2009 5:21:38 PM


Eh, i have a BFG 9000.

8/6/2009 12:38:39 AM


Arngrim said:

"He doesn't need a shield, just a giant sword. And a cool attack with explosions and everything.

FINISHING STRIKE! *thrusts sword forward* FINAL BLAST! *leaps up with sword making a plume of fire* "

Like this girl from bleach?

Tobiume (literally, "Fire Plume"), Hinamori's Zanpakuto.

Taken from this episode, 2:38


8/6/2009 2:03:17 AM

Swedish Pagan

Sparkly shields of faith? WTF?

I would be seriously concerned if my nine-year-old talked about attacking others with swords.

Have your son met Satan? How did he dupe your son into believing his lies? What lies?

8/6/2009 2:41:47 AM


Bajiddlies? Can of "whoop"? Are you two? You and your son must have a lot of fun together.

Then he prances out of the room.

Oh dear. I think we'll be hearing more from this one in a few years.

8/6/2009 3:38:13 AM


The fuck are 'bajiddlies'? Oh and he gets a sparkly shield and prances. Wow...

5/24/2010 10:42:19 PM

It's so cute when little boys want to attack someone with a sword!!!

Doesn't Satan live in Hell?

5/25/2010 2:54:07 AM

David B.

If there is anything, anything, that most blatantly screams how deluded these folks are it's their vision of heaven.

* Heaven is a place where everyone lives in a big gold mansion covered in jewels.

* Heaven is a place where you get to sit all day every day with your personal hero, who'll tell you how great you are.

* Heaven is where you get to watch all the people who ever made you feel bad being brutally punished while you look on and gloat.

* Heaven is where you get to fight your villains with superpowers and magic weapons which they can't hope to beat so you are always victorious.

* Heaven is where all the things you always wanted to be true, from the world being 6000 years old to black people being inferior, will turn out to be true and everyone will congratulate you for being right all along.

It is the literally puerile imaginings of someone who can't come up with anything more sophisticated for their eternal blessed afterlife than wish-fulfilment and getting their own back.

5/25/2010 3:50:17 AM

Blaidd Drwg

You do know that (in psychology) a sword or knife used to kill is symbolic of a penis - right?

Ergo, your son really wants to fuck Satan. Add to that the "prances" and it sounds like you have more problems than you're willing to talk about on RR...

5/25/2010 4:27:55 AM

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