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Quote# 70170

We will frequently use demon-kabobing to escort them to the cross. The other day a demon tried to bite my wife, so I was particularly upset with this one. I bound it's hands to it's ankles and invited the angels to demon-kabob him. Let's just say that demon had a "ride" on a sword to the cross, without any more trouble. I love that the Lord will also show up with a sword.
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True Freedom comes from the ONE who is THE TRUTH!

Donius, Ministering Deliverance 64 Comments [2/9/2010 2:13:16 PM]
Fundie Index: 77
WTF?! || meh
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Dane

Wait...what?

2/9/2010 2:15:32 PM

freako104

Wow. Just wow.

2/9/2010 2:16:16 PM

aaa

Did somebody spike the water supply with LSD again?

2/9/2010 2:17:07 PM

Godbuster

You're schizophrenic, oh no... wait... you're a christian, so it's okay.

2/9/2010 2:18:12 PM



Yeesh, I hope this was all just in the guy's head. Otherwise I'd be worried about finding out about a series of fucked-up impalement deaths.

2/9/2010 2:19:30 PM

Mat

Ah yes, the peaceful loving God is packing metal!

Isn't it kind of his fault for going near a demon in the first place...

2/9/2010 2:19:47 PM

SurfinSeaOtter

Looks like Ministering Deliverance is killing vagrants again...

2/9/2010 2:30:33 PM

Doubting Thomas

Anyone else get the idea that Ministering Deliverance is like Dungeons & Dragons for fundie Christians? All of their stories sound like something you'd hear in a D&D game only with a Christian slant.

2/9/2010 2:33:33 PM

anevilmeme

@ Doubting Thomas:

That sums it up beautifully.

Demon enters house..... Fundie casts level 8 thunder cross.

2/9/2010 2:49:17 PM

sha_lyn68

Is this a murder confession, a paranoid delusion or both?

2/9/2010 2:51:25 PM

Quantum Mechanic

Take your anti-psychotics and step away from the keyboard.

2/9/2010 3:05:34 PM

Tolpuddle Martyr

Is a demon kabob like a doner kabob with extra chili?

2/9/2010 3:18:52 PM

Lag

My problem with quotes like this is that it seems to be trolling. While I don't doubt there are those out there that believe this kind of thing, the odds are much higher that it's a troll of some variety.

2/9/2010 3:26:13 PM

Sinister

Always the obsession with all things anal.

2/9/2010 3:27:19 PM

macavitykitsune

Why does this whole thing seem vaguely pornographic in nature? Riding the Lord's sword in a demon-kabob fashion....

2/9/2010 3:31:31 PM



You should stop calling your dog a demon.

2/9/2010 3:36:13 PM

Xotan

Is this person speaking English?

What is demon-kabob?

And no. I do not believe that a demon bit his wife. This is a case of lying for Jesus. Quite clearly. This one is sliding down the slope into the lake of fire.

2/9/2010 3:40:35 PM

Hellboy

Wait...

My Pentecostal to English translator must be malfunctioning. Did he just admit to calling over a bunch of his buddies to gang-rape a small dog? Because that's what I'm getting from this.

2/9/2010 3:51:08 PM

Sisyphus

Okay I'll need 10mg of Haldol STAT! Get the animal tranquilizer darts ready too this guy may not go down easy.

2/9/2010 4:02:27 PM

Sandwich Board

Unless this is an out-and-out troll there is no way this can end well. Drugs or psychosis, pure delusion or interpretation of actual events.

Then again, there is another post in that same thread:
"<excessive applauding smilies> NOW THAT IS COOL
Can't say that i have experienced that one yet. "
Which makes me want to add: "Can I have some of what you're smoking?"

2/9/2010 4:03:38 PM

Mike Sihl

And in local news an area mailman was violated today after making a delivery to the home of a local mental patient.

The mailman, whose name is being withheld, had only just finished delivering mail to the home of the area man, know only as "Donius", when the mentally desturbed man reportedly burst through the door, grabbed the mailman, accused him of biting a blowup doll belonging to "Donius" before he bound his hands to his ankles and invited serveral other men and women, who also have a history of mental health, around to his home to "demon-kabob" him, during which the mailman was violated repeatedly with a broom handle.

"I feared for my life" the anonymous mailman told police. "It seemed as though the were actually trying to push the broom all the way through my body. They were really trying to get that handle up my anus and out through my mouth."

"Donius", whose real name is at this time unknown, claims his equally disturbed friends are angels who help him to exorcise demons. "Donius" is believed to have been responsible for many other bizarre sexual attacks on area residents in the past. After posting about the attack on an internet forum "Donius" was made president of Way of the Master and is expected to have his own show on Fox News by May.

2/9/2010 4:17:59 PM

Mike Sihl

Opps, double post

2/9/2010 4:18:15 PM

Imroy

It looks like Sinister and I are thinking along the same lines.

Try this on for size:
"I bound it's hands to it's ankles and invited the angels to ____ him. Let's just say that demon had a "ride" on a sword to the cross"

Yeah.

Oh, and:
It's = contraction of "it is"
Its = possessive form of "it"

2/9/2010 4:25:58 PM

Blasphemina

Mike Sihl wins the Internet.

2/9/2010 4:26:06 PM

Random Guy

That's one poorly-disguised closet you're hiding in.

2/9/2010 4:30:35 PM
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