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Quote# 70335

["And as he said these things unto them, the scribes and the Pharisees began to urge him vehemently, and to provoke him to speak of many things
Laying wait for him, and seeking to catch something out of his mouth, that they might accuse him." -Luke 11:53-54, KJV]

Proposed Conservative Translation:

As Jesus told them off, the scribes and Pharisees furiously interrogated Him about everything,
plotting and seeking to quote Him for a politically incorrect remark to use against Him.

Andy Schlafly, Conservative Bible Project 50 Comments [2/12/2010 11:08:02 PM]
Fundie Index: 31
Submitted By: Night Jaguar
WTF?! || meh
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Alencon

THAT'S a translation?

Poor Jesus, oh poor Jesus. He'll be unrecognizable after Andy gets through with him.

2/12/2010 11:13:04 PM

Alencon

THAT'S a translation?

Poor Jesus, oh poor Jesus. He'll be unrecognizable after Andy gets through with him.

2/12/2010 11:13:22 PM

Night Jaguar

"As Jesus told them off"

And Andy was complaining that newspapers were written at the 7th grade level.

"a politically incorrect remark to use against Him"

It's quite clear that you are not "translating" the Bible, merely dumbing down the KJV and making it say what you want.

2/12/2010 11:31:37 PM

Night Jaguar

And the winner of the 'The Conservative Christian Who Does Most Damage to Their Cause' Award goes to............

ANDY SCHLAFLY!!!

2/12/2010 11:33:14 PM

Kevin Klawitter

We need more of this thing posted. Maybe a separate site specially set up for real-time commentary on Andy's "translation" of the bible.

Or maybe what others have suggested and just a completely separate "Andy Says the Darndest Things" to avoid monopolization of FSTDT by Conservapedia.

2/12/2010 11:47:24 PM

GodotIsWaiting4U

You realize this is heresy, right?

2/13/2010 1:03:23 AM

solomongrundy

I wonder how Andy's going to translate the end of Revelation?

22:18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book:

22:19 And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.

2/13/2010 1:45:52 AM

Norman

@solomongrundy

He is possibly going to claim that ALL Bible changes are the falt of LIBERALS, because as far as Andy is concerned, LIBERALS are the cause of EVERYTHING that is bad, while CONSERVATIVES such as HIMSELF have light shining out of every hole in the human body.

2/13/2010 2:07:31 AM

Crocz


22:18 For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add liberal ideas unto these things, God shall add unto him the natural disasters, HIV epidemics and teenage pregnancy that are written in this book:

Schlafly is a whole category himself. How could one man be so screwed up, we will never know...

2/13/2010 2:12:46 AM

aaa

They are doing this with a straight face.

2/13/2010 2:44:41 AM

BobsOldSocks

At least some of the KJV has a certain gravitas and authority about it, even elegance. This conservative clap trap reads like a trashy novel aimed at teenagers.

You're destroying the bible, Andy! Keep up the good work!

2/13/2010 4:42:23 AM

MDB

@Crocz:

Oh, its quite easy to see how Schlafly could be so screwed up. Just learn about his mother.

2/13/2010 5:32:03 AM

Smilodon

Hey look everybody, free publicity!

EDIT: Scratch that, I thought he was changing the quote to make a veiled reference to this site.

2/13/2010 7:30:07 AM

Norman

Liberal Christian: This is heresy!

Andy: THIS IS CONERVAPEDIA!

2/13/2010 7:44:27 AM

Shann

This from the guy who complained about the juvenile quality of newspapers?

I could have my kids sit on a typewriter and fart out a better translation.

2/13/2010 8:13:41 AM

Anon-e-moose

"Proposed Conservative Translation:

As Jesus told them off, the scribes and Pharisees furiously interrogated Him about everything,
plotting and seeking to quote Him for a politically incorrect remark to use against Him."

As we use your own words, verbatim, to destroy your insane form of fundieism. Never forget, Andy Schaftafly:

Revelation 22:18-19 (KJV):

18: 'For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book'

19: 'And if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book.'

To paraphrase Hudson in "Aliens", 'You're on an express elevator to Hell: Going DOWN!'

2/13/2010 8:26:14 AM

Table Rock

Dude, did Jesus call them out for trying to totally harsh his mellow?

2/13/2010 8:48:11 AM

Doubting Thomas

Yeah good luck with that.

I honestly hope they put the "Conservative Bible" online when they're done so I can read it and laugh.

2/13/2010 9:21:49 AM

Night Jaguar

When Andy dies Jesus is going to tell him off.

2/13/2010 9:57:00 AM

M.M.

All I can do right now, is laugh. It's still hard to believe that Andy is a real person and is really serious about all of this.

2/13/2010 10:02:00 AM



"Politically incorrect" didn't exist back then. And this is no translation...this is just raping your own religion for your own ends.

2/13/2010 11:20:58 AM

Night Jaguar

While many groups in the past have tried to rewrite the Bible to fit their agenda I don't think anyone has ever been this obvious about it, while simultaneously reducing the book's quality to just below a Dan Brown novel.

2/13/2010 11:45:46 AM

caustic gnostic

Andy, you're stupid and your mother dresses you funny. She also thoroughly inspects your genitals when she changes your diaper.

Grow up already. Get a job.

2/13/2010 12:47:24 PM

Old Viking

I have never looked forward to anything as much as the Conservative Bible. It will be a prime source of hilarity for millennia.

2/13/2010 1:13:17 PM

ConCat

I've said this before, but I'm really waiting to see how the KJV fans will respond when the 'corrected' Bible hits shelves.

2/13/2010 2:09:33 PM
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