What about this?
...and soon, Jesus was verbally scourged, crowned with thorns, and nailed to a cross at the Democratic National Convention. Upset at the cruelty he endured, he decided to go on a long pilgrimage through the desert, where he met Barack Obama.
"If you are truly the Son of Man, turn these stones into bread, and this sand, into my favorite type of koolaid so my constituents can drink!" Obama stated.
"It is written: One does not live on bread alone, but by the very word that comes from the mouth of God... or Ronald Reagan... or Chuck Norris." Jesus replied. Obama was displeased. He decided on a second temptation. He sent out one of his finest weapons, an unpleasant succubus commonly known as the "Nancy Pelosi", a foul creature with the power to magically spawn illegal immigrants and venom potent enough to make any man think evolution could be a valid theory. The succubus started caressing the 'Obamanation'.
"See Jesus? Come on! Don't you want some of this? Serve me, and you'll get all the babes you want. It's a great perk, just ask my friend, Mr. Anthony Wiener! I mean, your not a 'queer' are you?"
"Sorry Obamanation but I believe in a higher calling. The calling of family values, where adultery is frowned upon, but looked over in favor of the cause that homosexual persons are scapegoated as the cause of every human atrocity, and shamed and scrutinized to the point of killing themselves. Begone with this foulest of female demons!"
Obama didn't give up. He had a final temptation. He took Jesus to a high mount, where he miraculously showed an image of a giant television screen in the sky. The channel: MSNBC, The show: Keith Olbermann.
"Serve me as your god, and I will give the Main-Stream Media to you! You will finally be among my politically correct! You will have it all, along with your Fox News, World Net Daily, and the holiest of holies: Conservapedia!"
"That's enough! You've clearly shown yourself to be worse than two men who love each other intimately, or a mother a step from death's knell who undergoes abortion to save her life! Get thee behind- Oh sh- crap. I almost walked into that one. Ehh, just... get away from me! You Left-wing Marxist, socialist, leftist, liberal, progressive, communist, fascist, statist, libtard, liebral, libby, Demoncrat, evilutionist, faggot, sodomite, nancy boy, Stalinist, Maoist, immoral, queertard, Muzzy-lover, Christophobic, pervert, deviant, sinful, abomination, Hussein, Leninist, Brownshirt, Nazi, *catches breath* and overall insane Obamanation! And keep your change!"