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Quote# 70675

[Board titled "America Needs A Witch Law"]

No need to be sorry. You're dyslexia is probably caused by a witch. A lot of things people take for granted that weren't around hundreds of years ago are because we are not tough on witches anymore. I have a friend who has dyslexia and it was at its worst in middle school when he was always bothered by this strange girl. I witnessed her doing magic experiments with potions one day and told the principal but he said there was nothing he could do. But then one day she started harrassing another boy and started leaving him alone. The next month he broke his elbow and my friend's english grades and test scores started doing a lot better. He caught up with a normal reading level the next year. I think it's because the witch stopped bothering him.

God bless you and wish you well. Look around at the people in your life. You'll probably find some seem a little suspicious like they might have a reason to bewitch you. Try to avoid those people. They are probably witches.

ChristsAdvocate, Topix 73 Comments [2/19/2010 12:35:37 AM]
Fundie Index: 80
Submitted By: Ajax
WTF?! || meh
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2/19/2010 7:18:11 AM



Oopsie, triple post!!

2/19/2010 7:18:42 AM



Don't you hate it when a principal doesn't listen to your legitimate concerns and ban chemistry? I'll bet he didn't even consider organising a pep rally so the girl could be executed with a baying crowd in attendance. Stupid, Satan loving, liberal educators.

2/19/2010 7:19:23 AM

Shann

Baby, please...

Like I have nothing better to do with my time that strike you (or someone else) dyslexic. Your creator already struck you stupid, anything I could do after that would be just plain cruel.

2/19/2010 7:42:39 AM

Lucilius

It must be fun to play live-action Dungeons & Dragons 24/7.

2/19/2010 8:24:09 AM

David B.

Kid, if that were true there'd have to be a whole coven of them somewhere wishing the stupid on you.

2/19/2010 8:33:33 AM

Atheissimo

'You're dyslexia'

.........
........
......
....
...
..
.

*snort*

2/19/2010 9:30:09 AM

Table Rock

Troll. Totally making up bullshit.

Witnessed her doing magic experiments with potions? Where? In the alchemy lab in her locker? And your friend got better only after breaking his elbow? Was that the curse or the cure?

2/19/2010 10:13:10 AM

Anon-e-moose

"they might have a reason to bewitch you."

And how. One Word: Elvira.

"Try to avoid those people. They are probably witches"

This trio are. Why would I want to avoid them?:


2/19/2010 10:25:46 AM

Doubting Thomas

"Bewitched" was not a documentary.

Seriously? Witches? You actually believe in witches?

HAHAHHAHAHA!!!!!!

2/19/2010 10:30:00 AM

GodotIsWaiting4U

So it's not, say, your friend's hard work and self-discipline that fixed his grades. Nope, it was because of magic completely outside his control. You're an asshole.

2/19/2010 11:01:49 AM

Zuzu

@David B.

As someone who works with dyslexic students, I am absolutely blown away by ChristsAdvocate's ignorance and stupidity. I was about to have a good old rant... and then I read your comment and sat around giggling for ten minutes instead.

My blood pressure and I thank you!

2/19/2010 11:10:41 AM

caustic gnostic

Witch Hazel is in trouble now....

2/19/2010 11:15:15 AM

Sisyphus

You know, I come from a family of witches. Probably THE MOST life altering thing any of my witch relatives has ever done was put masses of slugs in her enemy's garden.

Witches can't cause dyslexia and without the aid of a baseball bat they can't cause broken elbows either.

EDIT: BTW the slug thing was AWESOME! They decimated his "prize" *snort* garden.

2/19/2010 11:30:17 AM



Or your friend's grades improved because he started trying in school.

I don't pretend to understand all the theories behind magic, but from what I do understand magic practitioners believe that casting negative spells only attracts negative forces in the caster's life. Ergo most of the ones who actually believe in magic tend not to curse people.

2/19/2010 11:40:48 AM

Rumpshaker slim

He broke his elbow and his grades improved?

He must have a magic elbow!

Seriously? Witches? Isn't this the fucking 21st century?

2/19/2010 12:18:02 PM

Dane

She turned me into a newt!

Edit - Beaten to it

2/19/2010 12:44:27 PM

Translation:

I witnessed a girl using mouthwash in the bathroom in middle school, and since I didn't know what it was, I assumed she was working with weird blue witchy potions. Since my (only) friend was dyslexic and I had (have) no idea what causes that disorder, I automatically assumed it must be the devil. I continue with this line of thinking on a daily basis in my adult life. If something happens that I don't understand, IT'S FUCKING MAGIC! Like where babies come from. And how flowers grow. And why the neighborhood dogs always growl at me. They're witch's familiars and know I'm righteous so they hate me, especially when I try to get the neighborhood kids to come to my house and 'see the light.'

2/19/2010 12:50:28 PM

Antichrist

Damn my conscience. I really want to get rich and retire off of these idiots, but I just can't do it. But I've got a stupid little voice in my head telling me that I shouldn't abuse the stupidness of others.

Must be a witch.

2/19/2010 12:51:24 PM

freako104

Wonder if the bullshit that you typed showing your ignorance and stupidity came from a witch. A law for witches? You're going to burn and hang them?

2/19/2010 12:57:14 PM

pete

I think I'll just back slowly away from this one and wait for the guys with the dart gun and straight-jacket.

2/19/2010 1:01:29 PM

Old Viking

Join the fight against witches. Contribute to D.A.M. (Mothers Against Dyslexia).

2/19/2010 2:57:59 PM

Zeus Almighty

Actually, I think your friend's problems are more likely due to his being a demon.
Take him outside and stone him in the village square before it's too late.

2/19/2010 3:18:03 PM

Teb

Someone needs to tell them that "Sabrina" and "Bewitched" are NOT documentaries!

2/19/2010 4:01:56 PM

Gore

Of course she's a witch, she even turned me into a newt...

well... I got better... Burn her anyway!

2/19/2010 4:09:16 PM
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