tracer

There was a project to translate the Bible into Klingon some years back.

It splintered, because there was one camp that wanted to stay true to the original, and another camp that wanted to translate it in a way that fit in with Klingon culture -- e.g. claiming that the New Testament's messages of peace and brotherly love had no place in a Klingon Bible and should be altered or omitted entirely.

I'm betting the same thing's going to happen to your Conservative Bible project.

2/22/2010 2:05:53 PM

hmcook87

Wait, THEY are the ones writing the new bible, THEY are the ones taking "God's Word" and changing it to suit their political agenda. For goodness sake it's supposed to be a TRANSLATION, it's suposed to convey the exact same meaning as the origional, not a "conservative" or "liberal" interpretation...

Sure it's just right wing Christians fighting with left wing Christians, but really, how can they claim to have the unchanging perfect word of god, when they're still fighting about what it should say 2000 years later?

2/22/2010 2:55:08 PM

Kevin Klawitter

@breakerslion

Actually, you can polish a turd. I saw it on Mythbusters.

2/22/2010 3:36:47 PM

the old firm

There are people who support Andy Schlaffys madness? Oh my...

2/22/2010 4:17:20 PM

EonBlueTriad

most every modern translation skews the context to serve their own agenda.

:facepalm:

2/22/2010 4:37:44 PM

Noir the Sable

So... 1611 is "Modern"?

2/22/2010 4:59:55 PM

I fucking hate it how the term "politically correct" is applied to everything that isn't far-right. I usually stop taking seriously anyone who uses that silly term. Automatic defense mechanism against MASSIVE facepalmage.

2/22/2010 11:56:49 PM

"converting God and Jesus (they think are the same)"

Okay, I have through 14 years of catholic education been told that God and Jesus were two parts of the SAME being

Since then I have had conversations with people who told me that JESUS was the only true GOD. In other words they used the terms Jesus and God interchangably. So I really think you screwed this one up.

2/23/2010 2:55:30 AM

The mission statement posted for the re-write project says in clear terms that they intend to insert politics and so-called free-market capitalism, among other things, into the Bible.

2/23/2010 4:13:09 AM

Teb

In the first sentence they'll talk about how the Bible is the innerrant word of God, to be followed literally without exception. Then the very next sentence, the Bible needs to be re-written because of too much bias inserted by various peoples with an agenda! How do their minds handle the contradiction without exploding!

2/23/2010 7:05:45 AM

shockmeshockmeshockmewiththatdeviantbehavior

Barney, Barney, Barney... *sighs... shakes her head* sit down before you confuse and hurt yourself with all those big impressive words you are saying that have absolutely no meaning to you whatsoever. And take this piece from me as enlightenment... more than ANY OTHER SOURCE IN THE WORLD... it is the CHRISTIANS and God fearing religious folk who twist and distort the Bible to fit their own agenda.. where as people who DONT believe in it... would rather leave it untouched and unnoticed. Get your facts straight... then come try again... but dont hurt yourself little one. *pat pat pat*

2/23/2010 11:04:05 AM

shockmeshockmeshockmewiththatdeviantbehavior

Barney says: "This is due largely to the fact that you yourself don't understand the context and message presented in God's word."

Oh and you do? Really now? STO9P THE PRESSES! EVERYONE STOP AND LISTEN TO WHAT BARNEY HAS TO SAY! HE KNOWS THE TRUTH! HE CAN REVEAL ALL GODS SECRETS AND KNOWLEDGE TO US! AND FOR JUST 5.99 IN THE COLLECTION PLATE YOU CAN ALSO GET A FREE GIFT FROM YOUR GODLY LOVING FATHER... A PLUSHIE DOLL, "BARNEY", BETTER THAN THE PURPLE SINGING AND DANCING DINOSAUR!

Seriously... you dont have any clue just like any of the rest of us... the Bible was BUILT on interpretation... WE ALL INTERPRET IT OUR OWN WAY. If the Bible was truly GODS WORD and HE is the divine author... then why cant everyone read and understand it the same and know the truth all together? hmmm.... lets think on this one.... moron. I believe in God... BUT NOT THE BIBLE. Its a load of crap. Centuries of men manipulating others through fear and "their word (Gods Word)" to get what they want and set up things the way THEY THOUGHT it should be.... HYPOCRITE!

2/23/2010 11:19:23 AM

shockmeshockmeshockmewiththatdeviantbehavior

#1123746
Pule Thamex

Hi Barney, I'm currently working on my own translation of the Bible, to be known as the PTV, can you tell me what you think from the small sample I reproduce below? Thanks.

Barry 6:21-25

21 Jesus said unto the shepherd Barry, Dost thou know thy brother is a seeker of men whom he is wont to dally with?
22 Nay my Lord, saith the shepherd, he is my blood yet I know not that. What should I do, saith he as blood did engorge his cheeks. O Lord I desire to act so that my Lord will know me righteous in my conduct?
23 Be not ashamed Barry. I know you as a loyal and true caretaker of your flock and of my Father's word. Take thine crook and catch it round your brother's leg so he tumbles. And then thou may'st strike him when he is down and let him forever dwell in my Father's torture chambers.
24 The Liberal horde did rise up with many complaints to Jesus saying, Thou did'st stir brother against brother till the one was murdered by his own flesh. Henceforth we know thee as a hate-monger and agitator of vile passions and inciter of foul deeds.
25 To this unseemly affront Jesus did reply, Shut the fuck up ye unholy Liberal commie/facist faggots. And He pulled out a gun and pumped them full of lead so that they joined their fellow fag in eternal torture.

As you'll notice Barney, the main thrust of the translation concerned turning modern English into a sort of faux Shakespearian shit. Still hope you enjoyed it.

Fare thee well, Pule.

ME: HAHAHAHAHHAHA I LOL'D HARDER THAN A DOWN SYNDROM RED HEADED STEPCHILD SMOKING CRACK IN EPCOTT WITH THE DAHLI LAMA AND MURDERING DARTH VADERS DOG SPUDS MCKENZY! XD TY!!!!! POINT WELL PROVEN. TWO THUMBS WAY WAY UP!

2/23/2010 11:35:59 AM

WWWWolf

> #1123521
> David B.
> Hey, why not just use the Catholic versio vulgata? That's 5th century, so surely old enough for you?

But according to Andy Aschfly, the number of Powerful New Conservative Words increases at geometric rate every century. One of the reasons why Conservative Bible Project exists is that it allows conservatives to use these powerful new expressions that did not exist in the 5th century.

No, I'm not making this up.

2/23/2010 12:01:41 PM

Rumpshaker slim

Finally, we get to see what a bunch of conservative white men think the bible should say.

2/23/2010 2:44:23 PM

/I fucking hate it how the term "politically correct" is applied to everything that isn't far-right. I usually stop taking seriously anyone who uses that silly term. Automatic defense mechanism against MASSIVE facepalmage./

@#1124010: Don't forget that people also use it whenever minorities/non-whites are ever given the time of day. "You included a black woman on the cover of this magazine? Politically correct! You made a Puerto-Rican woman a Supreme Court Judge? Politically correct! You acknowledge that there are people who don't celebrate Christmas and who in fact celebrate other holiadys around the same time? Politically correct!"

Meanwhile, these are often the same people who shriek and wail if whites aren't getting their dues (like they haven't been getting enough already) and whine about "reverse racism."

P.S. Actually, now I'm curious to see what would happen if someone tried to rewrite the entire Bible from Satan's/Lucifer's/the devil's point of view (and yes, I've read "Paradise Lost," so I know all about it). The fundies would probably go into hysterics, but I think it would be pretty funny.

P.P.S. Pule Thamex for the win!

2/23/2010 3:05:08 PM

Following your logic, nobody could translate the Bible eh?. Time to learn some languages?

2/24/2010 7:57:53 AM

Newhere

AHH! Ow! Man, my irony meter just exploded and hit me in the face...

2/27/2010 8:31:40 PM

conservative bible project

keyword: conservative

conservative and liberal are opposite political ideologies

therefore this project is politically motivated. thats how real logic works, instead of coming back to the same point.

3/27/2012 11:12:17 AM

CinnamonGull

"Reality has a well - known liberal bias."
- S. Colbert

3/28/2012 9:05:46 AM