Dear Washington DC, for a while I've had this uncontrollable crush on my dog, Jackson. We would like to get married. No, not to reproduce but because we love each other. What do you say? -Sincerely, a citizen taking advantage of your constant destruction of moral barriers.
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Dear John Wesley Reid,
No, you cannot. Normally this would be because dogs are not sentient, responsible creatures able to give informed consent the way an adult human of either sex can. But you, in fact, are a special case. Your dog is abnormally intelligent and can give informed consent. However, your dog thinks you are a really creepy dipshit and has in fact filed for a restraining order on you.
Just as sincerely,
Washington D.C.
Dear Mr Reid,
Absolutely! All you'll need to do is take your dog to a qualified psychiatrist and get them to certify that your dog is of a human intelligence level, is capable of understanding the complex institution of marriage, and gives his full and non-coerced consent to enter into a marriage with you. At this time, your dog will be granted legal personhood and full citizenship of the United States. Then you will be able to apply for a marriage license just like any other consenting persons.
Yours, Washington D.C.
(I find the constant comparisons between marrying someone of the same sex and marrying an animal deeply disturbing. If according to fundie logic, these two things are comparable, then it follows that according to the same twisted logic, a homosexual is little different to an animal.
That really, really disturbs me.)
Dear John,
(darn it, I'm too late to do this joke!)
Given that Washington DC is not a person, I'll answer the letter:
Dear Mr. Reid,
Please bring your magic talking dog (which it would have to be to agree to be married) to the nearest research facility ASAP, however, if it's just a normal dog then it can't get married. I am glad to hear that you're not intending to reproduce though and encourage you to at least keep up that part of the bargain.
Sincerely,
Dear John Wesley Reid, you cannot marry your dog as your dog does not have the intelligence capacity to speak in complete sentences let alone ask for your hand in marriage. Instead, you'd might be better off exercising those last few brain cells of yours before they all turn to mush (Well, I think we might be too late on that one). Society shouldn't tolerate your sick perversion.
I'm sorry, John, but even if your dog could consent, he still wouldn't want to marry you.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Dear Mr. Reid,
Since your dog cannot give informed consent, nor can it put a signature to paper, your request is a crock of bullshit.
Sincerely,
The person unlucky enough to have to answer your letter.
P.S. Will you quit projecting your own desires onto others already? It's not good for your health.
Hate to break this to you, dude, but in a lot of states, it's completely legal to marry animals. Of course, these tend to be the same states that find the concept of same sex unions abhorrent.
Hint: they also tend to be the same states where religious fundamentalism grows thick.
Sorta tells you something, doesn't it?
The dog doesn't have a consent to give. Also, since it's not recognized as a person, it does not have rights and freedoms beyond animal cruelty laws.
Animals can, however, get married to each other, but such cases are generally for ceremonial purposes and I highly doubt that you're a member of any of the religions that perform said ceremonies.
If having two people of the same sex get married to each other is itself as bad as all that then it should be possible to say why , instead of just rabbiting on about bestiality.
Coffee is bad for you because drinking sulphuric acid would burn your oesophagus out.
Incidentally, why doesn't John Wesley Reid actually write to (whatever the relevant office would be in) Washington, DC. instead of blurting this out in Facebook? If the U.S. Government is anything like mine, there'll be a legal obligation to answer mail.
Dear Washington DC, for a while I've had this uncontrollable crush on this nigger acquintance, M. Jackson. We would like to get married. No, not reproduce but because we love each other. What do you say?
Marriage is between a man and a woman, except when it's between a man, a woman and her handmaid, or a man with a crown, his many wives, and his soldier's wife.
Face it, John. Marriage isn't even your definition in the Bible.
No, you can't marry a dog. Dogs don't understand marriage. However a number of species of bird do "mate for life" which is essentially the same as marriage. So if, with an ornithologist acting as an interpretor, said bird demonstrated through courtship behavior that she had chosen you as a mate, than I think you would have a good case.
Dear John Wesley Reid, which social benefits have your dog taken lately?. By the way, is he accountable in court?. In other words, has he consented?. Thanks for playing.
Sorry, we won't let a hideous, violent, mindless beast such as you inflict the traumatism of rape and the pain of sexual slavery on a noble, sentient being.
Heh, it gives a whole new meaning to the word "bestiality".
Dear John,
Dear John Wesley Reid,
You are a sick bastard. You are also incredibly stupid and have no clue how to construct a valid comparison. By all means, however, please continue posting.
Unintentional hilarity is still hilarious.
Dear John Wesley Reid;
Sincerely,
Adult, consenting humans marrying =/= humans marrying animals.
The law in every sane country says so.
But I notice in certain states of the US, it's legal to marry your first cousin. A fair few in the Bible Belt, I notice...!
(*Walks away, whistling 'Duelling Banjos' tune *)
Prove that your dog has consented to this, that he is aware of what you intend to do, then we can talk.
Why this fascination with bestiality among fundamentalists?
When he can unequivocally, being of sound mind and body, apply for a marriage license, and say "I Do" then y'all can get married. My guess though is he probably wouldn't have a twit like you.
*face palm*
Humans. Adults. Consenting. Keywords.
I'm keeping it short, but I know it still won't go through your mind.
Also: Poor Jackson doesn't want to get married. He prefers a bachelor lifestyle and all the bitches.
Go for it, marry your fucking dog.
He won't understand it anyway, and as long as you don't rape him, who the fuck cares?
Depends. Does the dog consent? If not, then sorry.
If you say the dog consents, I'd like to see it sign the marriage license showing that it indeed does consent, partially because that's a necessary legal component, and partially because a dog that can sign a marriage license is a pretty impressive sight.
Now, to turn the question a little bit, IF they could give informed consent and demonstrate full intelligence, would marriage be acceptable? Acceptable and legal? I wrote a piece of speculative fiction based on that very question, featuring sentient and sapient canines living alongside humans.
Dear Dickfuck, Walker Texas, I fuck my dog. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?. Least I ain't no Liberal Atheist
Rod Serling just channeled me and says:
"Witness now, as now is reckoned, translation of insanity:
SEEK. FUCKING. HELP....... NOW.
Oh and just so you know? Not only are you a retarded mongaloid baby to refer to homosexuality being = to beastiality.. but you are also a sick fuck to even dare THINK of such a comparison.
First, animals cannot give consent, and gay people are not animals. Second, people can and do marry for love, not so one can become the other's sperm vessel. Third, you're an idiot.
So....... John Wesley Reid takes his dog "Jackson" to the psychologist as a requirement of the city to ascertain consent to marriage from the dog.
"we"
That word there. It's wrong. No, "we" don't want to get married, only you do. Dogs don't know what marriage is, they don't understand the concept of marriage as marriage is a human invention. There's where your comparison falls apart, since gay people aren't dogs and gay people can understand what marriage is.
Gay people can therefore say "we" want to get married because the desire to get married would apply to both parties involved.
You can't say "we want to get married" when talking about you and your dog, because your dog can't want to get married.
tl;dr: fail.
Sure. Just send in the marriage license with your signature and Jackson's signature...Oh that's right, dogs don't have legal standing and can't express consent like adult human beings can. Not to mention can't hold a pen, much less write a signature.
Get help dumbass.
Alright, enough of the beastiality crap, ok? It's stupid and it's tired. I think what you should really worry about is a future where people are marrying replicants. Chobits, anyone?
Why is it so hard for some people to understand the word "consent".
On another note, why is it so damn hard for assault players in bc2 to drop some damn ammo packs.
Dear John Wesley Reid,
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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