Quote# 72313

It's amazing how many crazy white people there are out there, none of whom feel the wrath of the racial pathology police as a result of their depravity. Which brings me to rule number one for identifying the race of criminals you hear about. If the crime involved vampirism, infanticide, Satan worship, or cannibalism, you can bet your ass the perpetrator was white. Never fails. Every damned time.

teldemkrakersdat , Weekend Dad 28 Comments [4/18/2010 11:15:28 AM]
Fundie Index: 20
Submitted By: DevilsChaplain

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Captain Klamydia

NO! White people do NOT commit vampirism. We're Werewolves get your facts right.

@Smilidon: Naw we kicked them out awhile ago, They blubbered like babies.

4/18/2010 11:23:43 AM


@Captain Klamydia

Have the fomori been active in your area? Things are quiet over here at Chitown.

4/18/2010 11:36:20 AM


Vampires? I eat those sparkly bastards for breakfast.

4/18/2010 12:21:57 PM


Infanticide? Cannibalism? Yep, 'cause no one other than a white person has ever killed their baby or eaten another human.

4/18/2010 1:16:55 PM

Really? I've heard of black cannibals and child killers. Vampires and Satan worship do have stronger ties to European folklore (although there certainly are Asian vampire folk tales), though, but it's not unheard of for people of other colours to partake in them.

4/18/2010 1:38:41 PM


By "amazing how many" I think the amazing part is how small the number is.

Unless you're Geraldo Rivera in the 1980's those sorts of crimes come up only once or twice a year. They get big media coverage but in a country that has about 200,000,000 white people 1 instance per year is statistically insignificant.

4/18/2010 2:34:05 PM

Tolpuddle Martyr

We are anthropophages not cannibals thank you very much and we'd love to have you over for dinner! Bwahahahaha...

4/18/2010 4:27:46 PM

dog on

Blacula would like a word with you.

4/18/2010 7:06:15 PM

Rumpshaker Slim

I'm writing a movie about vampire cannibals who kill infants and worship satan. I call it "Those Wacky Honkies".

4/18/2010 8:28:33 PM


4/19/2010 3:53:26 AM

Doubting Thomas

I know this is a stereotype, but it does have a hint of truth to it. Every time you see some nutjob in the news charged with some bizarre crime and there's some kind of witchcraft or Satanic belief connected to it, it's usually a white person. But it's no worse a stereotype than saying that armed robberies of liquor stores, drive-by shootings, and drug deals are done by black people.

But really, how often have there really been instances of cannibalism? Last guy I can think of was Jeffrey Dahmer, and that was way back in the early 90's. There just aren't roving bands of cannibals or devil worshippers running around trying to steal your kids for ritualistic Satanic sacrifice. It's primarily an urban legend, and anyone who actually does claim to be a devil worshipper are usually going through a phase or just playing at it.

4/19/2010 6:29:17 AM

Reality Check

There is an asian "vampire"... amongst the crowd of "vampires" in the "vampire" community.

By "vampire" I mean retards that drink human blood in hopes they will be seen as cool.

4/19/2010 8:25:59 AM

Vampirism, Satan worship..................can you cite a REAL crime, not an imaginary one?

4/19/2010 9:56:40 AM

Street Sharks

@ Doubting Thomas

Honestly, it seems that more often than not, witchcraft related crimes involve black Haitian immigrants.

Not to stereotype or anything....

4/19/2010 3:35:52 PM


Well yeah, but only because Vampires are really pale, dude.

That said, only aliens are cannibals. Get your facts straight.

4/19/2010 4:40:07 PM


Lol. I'm black and this guy is proof that indeed non-white people can be racist. I don't get into these stupid "who commits the most crime" arguments but his BS was flat-out stupid. There are vampires in African mythology and some vodoun and santeria practices involve blood draining. Black people kill babies just like everyone else. Cannibalism is very rare today but there have been black murderers who ate their victims just like Jeffrey Dahmer.

I don't think any African religions worship Satan (as he doesn't exist in African religions) but Christians would consider the spirits African religions worship to be demonic. But that's another debate and depends on what you believe about religion.

4/20/2010 11:51:47 AM


@Rumpshaker Slim

I lol'd.

4/20/2010 12:28:15 PM


I can't speak for "vampirism", and serious Satanists don't go in for that shit, (really, if you find a cannibal killer who claims to be a "Satanist", he's either a dabbler, or completely bat-shit. Usually both) and infanticide? Not limited by race, really. Now, enough with the idiotic stereotypes of "Satanic vampire cannibals". It's old.

4/20/2010 6:34:20 PM


Blade is angry with your inaccurate stereotypes.

4/20/2010 8:08:38 PM

@Doubting Thomas.

This is a major case of research fail.

4/21/2010 6:23:18 AM

Tolpuddle Martyr

@ Vox

You are forgetting that according to some Xtian fundies anything that isn't in the Bible is automatically Satan, Satan, Satan!

4/22/2010 2:26:42 AM

Space Lizard

There's not much to say about this post. It's self-demonstarting in its stupidity.

But I do find it interesting that cannibalism itself is usually not a crime until somebody gets arrested for it. See, cannibalism generally requires murder, which is a crime. But there are rare cases where somebody willingly gives someone the consent to eat their body after they die naturally...and so whoever does that gets off scot free and they pass a law so it can't happen again.

I think that exact case happened in Germany once. Hm...

4/22/2010 8:35:23 AM

Satan worship is a crime in secular America?

4/22/2010 12:44:51 PM


Captain Klamydia "Naw we kicked them out awhile ago, They blubbered like babies."

Hmm, good news. Perhaps the war between us and the Wyrm is finally turning in our favor.

4/22/2010 3:54:08 PM

I read about the afterlife

It's because white people are just as fucked up as every other race.

4/25/2010 11:47:25 AM

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