Quote# 74566

[if me and my unmarried but obviously conjugal partner were not allowed to stay in the same bed (and using simple good manners to not have noisy sex) I would have BOTH of us stay in a hotel... and that's just one step away from not bothering to visit at all. If there is no secret that their relationship isn't just Victorian-era 'courting' ]

You aught to be glad that you don't live in my house. Because if you did, you would be out on your A** in a hot tick. Also I would not be paying for your collage ether because you now have a conjugal partner. He can start taking care of you and pay for all the stuff you need. Show No Respect You Get No Respect.

Bob, Dear Abby 44 Comments [7/24/2010 12:30:28 PM]
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Well, I wouldn't pay for a collage either. Unless it was a really good one.

7/24/2010 12:40:38 PM


Harsh! This guy obviously doesn't have kids. Or if he does, I feel sorry for them. And where did that Show No Respect You Get No Respect come from??

7/24/2010 1:13:11 PM


Wow. I'm glad you're not my father. About the only thing I agree with is the last part, but I'll bet it's not for the same reasons.

7/24/2010 1:18:31 PM


I got no problem with this.
The fact he'd make a different decision from me doesn't make him fundy or wrong.
His financial obligations to his adult daughter ended when his parental authority did. Child abuse excepted, those who would dictate a family's behaviour in their own home are totalitarians, whether religious or secular.

7/24/2010 1:18:54 PM


Yay, let's play the classic game of shun the whore! After all, it reflects badly on men if they can't control their women.

I'm glad my parents aren't that Victorian. Dear God, I feel sorry for this man's daughters/hope he never breeds.

7/24/2010 1:27:46 PM


I gotta agree with John_in_Oz on this one. If someone is supporting their adult child, I have no problem with them saying "My money/house/whatever, my rules". They're not under any obligation to continue supporting their child if said child doing something they don't approve of. Even though I think having a problem with pre-marital sex is pretty stupid, it doesn't change that.

7/24/2010 1:33:59 PM


"paying for your collage"

It's clear you didn't go.

7/24/2010 2:01:25 PM


who wants a 'collage'; I want.... a SHRUBBERY!!!

7/24/2010 2:09:52 PM

Philbert McAdamia

And where did that Show No Respect You Get No Respect come from??

Rodney Dangerfield?

7/24/2010 2:10:18 PM


There is a difference between college and collage. Which do you mean?

Show no respect you get no respect: same applies to you too Bob, you arsehole.

7/24/2010 2:13:30 PM


Bob just because your wife won't let you try to stick that tiny little thing in her any more isn't a reason to rain on everyone else's parade.

7/24/2010 3:06:09 PM


Fuck you, you unrespectable cunt.

7/24/2010 3:14:48 PM


So having a bf/gf who you have sex with is grounds to get kicked out of your house by your parents? What the fucking hell?!?

Repressing sexuality ftl.

7/24/2010 5:15:19 PM

I'm also going to agree with John in Oz. While the dude is being a little dickish about it, if the child feels that they are ready to be an adult, then the should learn to be able to take care of things on their own.

7/24/2010 5:18:35 PM


Good. We need more kids to wash our cars and mow our lawns; and based on your lack of support for your children if they disagree with you, your kids seem like they're going to be the perfect candidates.

7/24/2010 5:29:22 PM


Virgin Whore Complex anyone?

7/24/2010 5:49:53 PM

Allegory for Jesus

"Grown adults having SEX!? Not in MY house!!"

7/24/2010 6:46:22 PM

caustic gnostic

Any parent who pulls that shit is an automatic Fail.

7/24/2010 7:21:59 PM

The Watcher

Simply refusing to adhere to one of your parents' rules (whether it's stupid and arbitrary or not) does not constitute "showing no respect." It's not showing COMPLETE respect, but it's not showing NO respect either.

For those of you who think Bob here is justified, you agree that women who have sex deserve to forfeit their college tuitions because the guy they're sleeping with (who is presumably around the same age) suddenly has enough money to pay for it? Why would anyone tie their kid's college tuition to their virginity? Women aren't their father's property to be transferred to a husband later. That's just fucked up.

7/24/2010 10:34:49 PM

Professor M

Bob has no real sense of what "respect" is. He doesn't even demand respect -- he demands deference, obedience, and submission. Respect is mutual.

7/24/2010 11:01:12 PM


The Watcher, I'm not even sure what you're asking.

Basically, if someone is paying for their adult child, they're allowed to set certain rules of behavior that their child should follow if they want to continue to be supported. I plan on doing the same thing when I have kids in college (granted, mine will be tied to no drinking, drugs, or failing grades, not to pre-marital sex, but the principal is the same)

Why should someone financially support another adult whose actions they don't approve of?

7/25/2010 1:27:44 AM

The Watcher

@Vana: They shouldn't. But what's the daughter doing that Bob should disapprove of? He clearly does disapprove, but why should he?

Further, Bob is disingenuously equating financial adulthood with sexual adulthood. Bob knows as well as you and I that just because you're emotionally mature enough to handle an adult, sexual relationship, that doesn't mean you magically have enough money to support yourself. But we all know he doesn't ACTUALLY believe that part about "he can take care of you." He's simply being an incredible misogynist by falling back on the idea that a woman belongs to her father until she belongs to her husband, and is wisecracking that she's already moved from A to B, so he can stop paying.

Again, we all know he doesn't mean that, but it's infuriatingly backward and sexist that he'd bring it up at all.

7/25/2010 7:27:33 AM


That would be "college" and "either". Not collage and ether. Your house, your choice. Good luck with your kids keeping in touch with you in your later years.

7/25/2010 7:37:35 AM

This is why I paid for college myself. So I could fuck and drink and smoke pot all I wanted without any strings attached. My friends did that too but when their grades slipped, their parents cut the teat off and most dropped out. I made it through and have a good career as an electrical engineer. Yeah, it was tough and I'm just paying off my student loans after 14 years but the six-figure salary helps. :-)

7/25/2010 8:00:52 AM


The Watcher:

The original question on Dear Abby had to do with a daughter writing in about the fact her boyfriend, whom she just met during her first at college, was going with her to meet her parents over (I believe) summer break. She wanted to sleep in the same room as her boyfriend during the visit, which her father wasn't happy with.

I'm assuming, based on the context, that Bob would have a problem with his unwed daughter sleeping with her boyfriend in his house.

The fact that he should not have an issue with this does not mean that he doesn't have every right to withdraw his financial support of his daughter over it. It's stupid, but I have no problem with parents instituting "My money, my rules" with their adult children and following through with it.

Also, I'm not sure why you're so hung up about what he said about the boyfriend paying for everything. While it's insulting that he assumes she'd need a man to financially support her (or not, seeing as, if he’s paying for everything now, she obviously does need someone to support her), I doubt he meant it any differently than if he'd said "You can start taking care of yourself and pay for all the stuff you need". He’s pointing out what is going to be the consequences of her actions, not what he thinks is the reality of her financial situation just because she’s having sex.

Basically, I think your reading what he wrote waaaay too literally. Just because he wrote “You’re boyfriend can start paying for everything” doesn’t mean he actually thinks her boyfriend can or should support her.

7/25/2010 8:03:35 AM

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