Dear Mr. Lincoln
We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!
In fact we held a big meeting and took a vote in Kansas City this week. We voted to condemn a political revival of that old abolitionist spirit called the ‘tea party movement’.
The tea party position to “end the bailouts” for example is just silly. Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn’t that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bail outs directly to us coloreds! Of course, the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People is the only responsible party that should be granted the right to disperse the funds.
And the ridiculous idea of “reduce[ing] the size and intrusiveness of government.” What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!
The racist tea parties also demand that the government “stop the out of control spending.” Again, they directly target coloreds. That means we Coloreds would have to compete for jobs like everybody else and that is just not right.
Perhaps the most racist point of all in the tea parties is their demand that government “stop raising our taxes.” That is outrageous! How will we coloreds ever get a wide screen TV in every room if non-coloreds get to keep what they earn? Totally racist! The tea party expects coloreds to be productive members of society?
Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house. Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.
Precious Ben Jealous, Tom’s Nephew NAACP Head Colored Person
Mark Williams, Reid Report 22 Comments
[7/27/2010 7:25:24 AM]
Fundie Index: 37
Satire from a wit with a room temperature IQ?
7/27/2010 8:01:17 AM
More racist Teabaggers. What a shock.
7/27/2010 8:10:11 AM
What is this, 1950?
we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing.
Ahh, you made a joke there, didn't you?
What kind of massa would ever not want to control my life? As Coloreds we must have somebody care for us otherwise we would be on our own, have to think for ourselves and make decisions!
Please repeal the 13th and 14th Amendments and let us get back to where we belong.
But remember folks, the people in the Tea Party claim they aren't racist.
7/27/2010 9:11:23 AM
Gee, after reading this, I can't figure out why anyone would think the tea partiers are racist...
7/27/2010 9:53:27 AM
Man Called True
First of all, Lincoln was only racist in the same way most Americans were in the 1800s. I have trouble considering him "the greatest racist ever" when his letters indicate his worst memory was seeing a slave shipment.
Secondly, the rest of this is utter bullshit as well.
7/27/2010 9:54:01 AM
@Man Called True: It's fascinating to read the evolution of Lincoln's opinions about blacks. The 'baggers can cherry-pick his earlier statements to show racism - or rather, as you say, the casual acceptance of popular stereotypes. He did abhor slavery, but still had condescending attitudes about blacks' abilities.
With the Civil War, however, Lincoln met people like Frederick Douglass and the families of black soldiers. He recognized the heroism of black troops in the face of prejudice, and was moved by the jubiliation of freed slaves as the war neared its end. By then, Lincoln realized that blacks were people just like himself. He knew that full equality would not fly politically, but he was cautiously moving in that direction when he was assassinated. Who knows how far he would have gotten; but the politically inept Andrew Johnson, though pursuing many of Lincoln's policies, couldn't get them accepted.
7/27/2010 10:13:17 AM
Percy Q. Shunn
Blacks have widescreen TVs in every room?
Where does one go to put in an application to become black? *begins Google search*
*edit* I found nothing, but if you could give me more info, I would really appreciate it. I'm fucking dying to get some of those TVs!
7/27/2010 10:18:52 AM
And the result of this letter? Obama fired a black woman because FOX blew her edited video out of proportion.
7/27/2010 10:21:16 AM
Kids, this is what the far right really thinks about black people.
7/27/2010 11:41:18 AM
Is this a troll? Or just that fucked up?
*Edit* Having seen the site,just that fucked up. 'Think your own risk' huh....
7/27/2010 6:43:37 PM
7/27/2010 10:08:11 PM
7/28/2010 6:06:15 AM
The tea party isn't racist, we swear! There's no evidence we're racist at all! All of the evidence is liberal lies and slander!
There's no evidence I said! Ignore the man behind the curtain! Oh wait we didn't even bother putting up a curtain. Well ignore the racist he's a liberal illusion!
7/28/2010 8:36:15 AM
"abolitionist spirit called the 'tea party movement'"
What? You mean the movement that believes that Obama needs to be kicked out of office because he's black? Yeah, that's really progressive and totally in line with the abolitionist movement.
7/28/2010 3:56:50 PM
"We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don’t cotton to that whole emancipation thing"
"Freedom means having to work for real"
Because bondage and servitude was such an easy ride.
"That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop!"
I'm sure we can all bring to mind whole black communities that are relatively poor, violent areas whose residents tend to be on benefits. But I can recall the same with entirely white areas too. Being a twat and living in a chavvy area is not exclusive to a skin colour.
Bleh, the rest of it is just a rant about how welfare is a bad thing and that nobody should be taxed any more. The stupid here is more pitiable than laughable though.
"Mr. Lincoln, you were the greatest racist ever. We had a great gig. Three squares, room and board, all our decisions made by the massa in the house."
Okay, that's pretty funny. Slaves had such an easy life, didn't they? Everyone knows how they fought to remain slaves tooth and nail so that the free ride wouldn't end. -_-
7/29/2010 12:27:05 AM
1186406, you can bet your life that the pun was intentional.
7/30/2010 6:02:52 PM
Project much, Williams?
7/31/2010 8:36:48 AM
This is why niggers are what they are: Filthy, unintelligent, moronic, apes.
7/31/2010 3:21:51 PM
As somebody who studied forensic linguistics, this piece of shit is an easy cake to uncover as fraud.
8/2/2010 5:22:50 AM
That certainly rebuts the accusation the Tea Party is racist!
8/2/2010 4:07:43 PM
This is actually one of the most disgusting things I have ever read. Wow. Good job, Teabaggers.
10/7/2010 1:57:10 AM
Niggers should never have been brought to a shining new land. Why would you build a marble mansion and then, first thing, track shit all over the floor?
7/10/2011 8:11:53 PM