Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 75186

Children of a secular god lack proper interest in others. They are ill -trained to share a bed, a dream, or a life. They prove to be uncomfortable in a situation calling for commitment. They are typically users, needy and demanbding, used to getting their own way. Living with one can be like sandpapering a bobcat’s behind in a phone booth.

Ron Carlson, Grace Centered Magazine 85 Comments [8/14/2010 4:04:33 AM]
Fundie Index: 80
Submitted By: centaurie
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3 4
Distind

Why the fuck would you do that to a bobcat in the first place?

8/14/2010 4:04:29 AM

jdeeek

What's a secular god? I'd have thought god would be mostly non-secular

8/14/2010 4:12:10 AM

Mathew

First of all, what the hell is a secular god? Sounds like an oxymoron to me. Secondly, don't purport to know a lot about children growing up in different faiths when you probably have barely made contact with any at all. That speaks arrogance on your behalf.

8/14/2010 4:36:23 AM

Efrain

Wait...what?

8/14/2010 4:42:53 AM

Xotan

"Children of a secular god lack proper interest in others."

Is that so? I would have thought that fundikids are on such a different plane from reality that they would be the ones who would have difficulty in relating to normal kids.

TW, What exactly is a secular God? Gods require worship - i.e. religion. Religion is not secular. Someone here hasn't a clue what he's talking about.

Trained to share a bed? Is this for real? and as for commitment, the divorce rates among fundies is hardly strong evidence to this contention.


"They are typically users, needy and demanbding, used to getting their own way. Living with one can be like sandpapering a bobcat’s behind in a phone booth."

Sounds like the perfect description for a fundy!

BTW, bobcats have rights too, so if you use sandpaper on its arse, you get what's coming to you, and serrves you rith too!


8/14/2010 4:51:42 AM

TGRwulf

Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah. Let's see I've been non-religous since early high school. My girlfriend has been so for even longer. The two of us have been together for over 3 years and plan on moving in together. If that's not "commitment" I don't know what is. That wasn't hard at all to blow your theory out of the water there buddy.

And that is one fucked up analogy at the end there dude...

8/14/2010 4:56:17 AM

Mudak

About the bobcat, sandpaper, and phone booth bit, do you speak from experience or did you pull that out of your own sandpapered ass? (not unlike, of course, the rest of your post)

8/14/2010 5:10:22 AM

Canadia

That's...some fucking analogy.

It's like an ant-eater buying a Toyota from a British midget!

8/14/2010 5:19:39 AM

Haseen

The manatees that made the jokes for Family Guy* have been put to use in an analogy machine...

Also, look to the corporate advertising culture as to why we're so materialistic, not the (lol oxymoron) "secular god".

*look up the South Park episode if you have no idea what I'm talking about.

8/14/2010 5:28:40 AM

dotyrs

Uhmmmm....actually, I have a homosexual inter-species relationship with a bobcat (his name is Mike) and I can tell you first hand that he likes to have his ass sandpapered with 220 grit or finer...really gets him off. Oh, and we both worship Bill Gates, the secular god. Not only do we share a bed...but also the same litter box. As for the dream...well, we hope that some day we can legally marry in this country...bobcat and man. As for commitment...well, he's a fucking cat...so that's not likely on his part. But for me, I'm his slave! As for needy and demanding...again, we're talking about a cat here! But I'll be here! To love and serve him!

8/14/2010 5:41:52 AM

Serph-no-Okami

Ignoring the inherent contradiction of a secular god, I think you'll find children who weren't trained to hate and fear everything that's different from them and the few people around them, to be quite capable of commitment. I.e. children with non-fundie parents, also called "normal people". And yes, this includes atheists, obviously.

8/14/2010 5:48:55 AM

Huckster Sam

For all the fail, at least it's a creatively bizarre analogy.

8/14/2010 5:59:42 AM

The Jamo

Living with one can be like sandpapering a bobcat’s behind in a phone booth.

Sounds like you're speaking from experience, you sick son of a bitch.

8/14/2010 6:10:16 AM

Proserpina

Secular God? There tends to be a prerequisite of belief in a 'god' which I think you'll find the term secular negates quite effectively...

8/14/2010 6:34:32 AM

Pule Thamex

Hey Ron, you sound as though you are a particularly stupid simpleton of the slobbering and impotently spouting gibberish variety. As such, everybody will find it very easy to picture you as a gullible moron who believes everything he's told and will find it to be unsurprising that you are a drooling fundie.

Just to let you know Ron, sandpapering a bobcat’s behind in a phone booth is child's play in comparison to living with me. Just kidding. I'm really a pussycat, unless you're a droolobot barbarizing promulgator.

8/14/2010 6:59:00 AM

Allegory for Jesus

What the hell is a secular god, how do you know how "children of a secular god" are in bed, how do you know what sandpapering a bobcat's behind is like, and what does a phone booth have to do with anything?

Either take your meds or become a comedian, ASAP.

8/14/2010 7:03:38 AM

Zeus Almighty

Children of Yahweh lack proper interest in others. They are ill -trained to share a bed, a dream, or a life. They prove to be uncomfortable in a situation calling for commitment. They are typically users, needy and demanbding, used to getting their own way. Living with one can be like sandpapering a bobcat’s behind in a phone booth.

There. Fixed that for ya!

8/14/2010 7:39:26 AM

John

So how come religious people commit more crimes and fundamentalists have a higher divorce rate?

8/14/2010 7:40:37 AM

dionysus

Children of a secular god lack proper interest in others.

Ignoring the "secular god" oxymoron, secular people have an interest in FAR more people than fundies because we're not terrified that they're agents of Satan and don't masturbate to the thought of them going to hell. We can be friends with Christians, Muslims, Buddhists, Pagans, atheists, and anything else you've got and not throw a fit or try to convert them at every opportunity.

They are ill -trained to share a bed

I thought secular people were promiscuous according to most fundies. Now we don't have enough sex? Hey, who cares about consistency as long as you're bashing the opposition, right?

a dream

Secular people don't dream? Then what the hell was I doing thinking about that nice car I eventually want to get?

or a life

Yes, all secular people are hermits. That's why you never see them in public. Oh wait.

hey prove to be uncomfortable in a situation calling for commitment.

Depending on the nature of the commitment everyone gets uncomfortable. Christian brides and grooms get the pre-wedding jitters as much as anyone else.

They are typically users, needy and demanbding, used to getting their own way.

Are you talking about fundies here?

Living with one can be like sandpapering a bobcat’s behind in a phone booth.

And here too? Because that's the only way these two sentences make any sense as secular people are usually easier to live with than fundies as they're not constantly judging/evangelizing/fearing people who are different in any way.

8/14/2010 8:00:35 AM



"Secular God" ?

Wait, what?

8/14/2010 8:31:12 AM

Berny

After nearly twenty-five years of marriage to the same woman, raising two children to adulthood without any problems, paying down a mortgage, holding a steady job for nearly thirty years, and doing all this without paying any mind to your petty dictator of a god, I can call bullshit on your ill-informed rant.

8/14/2010 8:41:27 AM

Evilution Teacher

"ill-trained to share a bed" LOL!

8/14/2010 8:44:43 AM

DevilsChaplain

"Living with one can be like sandpapering a bobcat’s behind in a phone booth."

Wait, what?

8/14/2010 9:08:21 AM

Headache



8/14/2010 9:08:40 AM

The Duelist

"demanbding"?

Ooh, that sounds cool!
What is it, a new spell for D&D?

8/14/2010 9:12:43 AM
1 2 3 4