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Quote# 77000

The first operation described in the Bible was the removal of a rib from Adam, which was performed by first putting Adam into an unconscious, "deep sleep-like trance."[2] This was the equivalent of anesthesia -- thousands of years before anesthesia was developed by William Mortan in 1846. Had scientists been more openminded about Genesis 2:21, they may have discovered anesthesia far sooner, and saved many more lives.

Andy Schlafly, Conservapedia, Biblical scientific foreknowledge 119 Comments [10/19/2010 3:31:34 AM]
Fundie Index: 145
Submitted By: Night Jaguar
WTF?! || meh
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1 2 3 4 5
#1219741
Sasha

Where, exactly, does the Bible describe how to create anesthesia? Where can we find the recipe?

10/19/2010 6:01:19 PM
#1219746
Hotspur

Words just fail me.

10/19/2010 6:22:46 PM
#1219749
Papabear

Being that open-minded their brains would have fallen out.

Just what would they have discovered, that deep, sleep-like trances exist? People have known that since way before Genesis was written.

10/19/2010 6:47:05 PM
#1219758
moose

Thanks Andy. I think I will just create another woman by doing that rib surgery.

Knowing you from the stupid things you say has actually helped me Andy. Evidently you seem to be happy with your fantasy life. If I ever get alzheimers, I have no fear. I will be more coherent in dementia than you are in normal life.

10/19/2010 7:33:01 PM
#1219762
Alencon

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! The stupid, it HURTS!

10/19/2010 7:46:42 PM
#1219772
nazani14

Had the followers of Abraham been less assholish, Orientals might have shared their opium with them. Humans were using it long before your god supposedly created the universe.

10/19/2010 8:16:14 PM
#1219785
SleepNeed

So much fail...

1) Men and women having the same number of ribs (though one apologist tells me that its the baculum, a kind of bone that helps to provide erections in mammals which humans lack. But that's can be debunked as well and is beside the point.)

2) Where is the description to MAKE the anesthesia? I mean its not so simple as grabbing random chemicals and gases and putting them to the face (unless you want a painful death in some cases.)

3) Even IF they could make anesthesia, what about post operation care? I know when I had a minor operation to remove some impacted wisdom teeth, I was put on a heavy regiment of antibiotics. Infection killed more people than bullets in the Civil War after all.

4) This was made AFTER the fact, not before like every other "claim" of modern science in the bible.

5) There are plants that do cause anesthesia like states but they aren't nearly as effective as modern anesthesia (like in some cases if you had to much, you weren't waking up. To little you wake up mid procedure. Anesthesia even now is a very fine line you have to work with.)

These are all that I can think of off the top of my head, I am sure that I could fine tens, if not hundreds, more if I did some casual research.

10/19/2010 11:29:42 PM
#1219786
Mrs. Antichrist

@reynagade

Yeah, I wasn't being literal.

10/19/2010 11:31:15 PM
#1219816
Tolpuddle Martyr

But they were held back by the relative morals of General Relativity, right Schafly?

To those who don't get the reference, this is what Andy actually believes.

10/20/2010 5:21:29 AM
#1219820


Had scientists been more openminded about flying carpets in the arabian nights, they may have discovered airplanes far sooner.

~ John_in_Oz

10/20/2010 5:56:56 AM
#1219825
Pup

Andy, stop trying to troll us.

10/20/2010 6:46:00 AM
#1219840
breakerslion

All right, one more.

"The first operation described in the Bible was the removal of the Universe from God's ass."

fixed.

10/20/2010 8:50:00 AM
#1219847
panz

Goddamn you're a moron.

It's not that people didn't know to put others asleep for an operation. It was how to do it without inflicting further harm you fucking moron. Hence why for centuries the way to do it was to get people liquored up.

10/20/2010 9:27:24 AM
#1219851
Seagoon

Really? Again, Andy? You sure you don't want to throw in a little more of Deepak Chopra's Quantum Flapdoodle™, because it's even easier to spot the BS than the last time you tried to use that line of non-reasoning.

I take it that if scientists would only spend more time leafing through the Bible, they would finally find a way to overcome death, a la Jesus's resurrection? Maybe a way to part the oceans? Make light from nothing? A more efficient way to burn bushes? Distill wine from water?

Twit.

10/20/2010 9:51:43 AM
#1219853
Pule Thamex

So, following the same logic, if scientists are to be as open minded about Genesis 2:22, as Schlafly says they should have been with Genesis 2:21, then I can awaken to a brand new woman. A spanking hot woman all my own, a woman to do with as I please, and entirely made from my own rib. Excellent. It just remains to think of what to do with my newly modeled rib. Of course, she'll need instructing. Heh, heh! I'm sure I'll think of something. Cartoon style insane cackling a la mad scientist ensues...

10/20/2010 10:23:07 AM
#1219889
Admiral Crunch

I wonder if Adam's nose lit up and make a buzzing noise when God let the tweezers wander too much.

10/20/2010 12:10:57 PM
#1219902
makes sense

and also according to the bible, polluting the body in any way, including tobacco, alcohol, drugs (that would include anesthesia), etc is not allowed. Sinners.

10/20/2010 12:32:53 PM
#1219943
Spiddermin

Ah, it's always nice to hear from you, Andy. It took me just the first two lines to know it was you.

By the way, you're an idiot. The world does not fucking WORK that way.

10/20/2010 2:21:18 PM
#1219950
Elia

Did Andy dislocate his shoulder reaching this far up his ass?

10/20/2010 2:51:05 PM
#1219967
tracer

Of course, silly us! We all skipped over the well-hidden Genesis chapter 2, verse 21-and-a-half:

"And God did it by capturing diethyl ether in its vapor phase (the byproduct produced by the hydration of ethylene), storing it in a pressurized tank, and then administering it via a plastic mask strapped to Adam's face."

How could we have missed it for all these centuries!

10/20/2010 3:57:18 PM
#1220007
Evilution Teacher

Agh! Bullshit and just agh!

10/20/2010 6:19:16 PM
#1220029
DaMentalFunism

Had God decided to share His anaesthetic techniques with humankind, yes, we could have.

10/20/2010 8:17:28 PM
#1220038


The first vehicle described in the Vedas was the Vimana; this was the equivalent of an airplane -- thousands of years before airplanes were developed by the Wright brothers in 1903. Had scientists been more open-minded about Rig Veda 1:164:48, they may have discovered airplanes far sooner.

10/20/2010 8:59:58 PM
#1220088
FMG

The first anaesthetic is alcohol... Its use is listed as an anaesthetic and antiseptic repeatedly throughout history. The earliest reference is from the works of Sushuratha and in the writings of egypt which encouraged patients to drink heavily before surgery.

10/21/2010 7:33:45 AM
#1220102
Vortex

Unfortunately the bible doesn't tell us HOW this was done. (Just like it doesn't say how God created the universe.) Maybe if God wasn't so secretive we could have saved many more live.

10/21/2010 8:48:46 AM
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