Quote# 77442

Quantum tunneling is the ability of particles to move through energy barriers even though ostensibly impossible based on traditional laws of mechanical physics. This was not discovered by scientists until the 20th century.

Jesus proved this was possible in John 20:26, when he appeared before the Apostles in a closed room with completely shut doors.

Andy Schlafly, Conservapedia, Biblical scientific foreknowledge 91 Comments [11/17/2010 4:47:39 AM]
Fundie Index: 107
Submitted By: Night Jaguar

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are you sure Jesus wasn't just an omega-level mutant? cause that'd do it too.

11/17/2010 5:24:04 PM


The 1951 movie "Mr. Peekaboo" involved a man who could walk through walls. Of course that was fiction, too; just like John 20 and the rest of the Bible.

11/17/2010 5:42:00 PM

Mrs. Antichrist

Quantum Jesus in the house!

11/17/2010 7:26:50 PM

Quantum Mechanic

Jesus was an electron.

11/17/2010 7:38:16 PM


Anyone have any Tylenol, I just hurt myself *facepalming*

11/17/2010 9:13:19 PM


Internet, I need you to make me an "Oh, ANDY!" macro.

11/17/2010 9:32:57 PM



Jesus H. Fucking Christ. How can anyone be this god damned stupid. Do the words just go right from his ass to his mouth without stopping off at even his shrunken brain.

Just WTF!

11/17/2010 10:19:06 PM

Raised By Horses

Schlafly is either a complete lunatic, or the greatest satirist since Jonathan Swift. Personally, I'm hoping the latter turns out to be true. Just imagine, on his deathbed, Schlafly reveals to his followers that he was joking all along, and their (already limited) mental functions will all just shut down forever.

11/17/2010 10:23:56 PM


So, every burglar sneaking through a window unobserved is Jesus?

11/17/2010 10:49:14 PM

Tolpuddle Martyr

Ooh, like he invented the hovercraft and the drive in bottle shop via Biblical forknowledge too Andy?

11/18/2010 12:31:30 AM


You'd think these idiots would realize that "proving" miracles scientifically kinda...kills the miraculous nature of the alleged event itself. After all, science deals with the natural, and miracles by definition are supernatural phenomena.

11/18/2010 2:35:51 AM


A lot of the Characters From My Fave Manga/Anime can do that too.

Dose That mean Alucard is God??


11/18/2010 2:47:29 AM


So what you're saying is that Jesus wasn't a deity, he was just Sufficiently Advanced.

That takes Christianity to a whole new level. Honestly though, all you're doing is changing it from "because magic" to "because technology" and still leaving out the requirement of any sort of evidence.

11/18/2010 4:22:24 AM


Mr Bean: MAGIC!

11/18/2010 5:22:31 AM



"A lot of the Characters From My Fave Manga/Anime can do that too."

To say nothing of Nancy Makuhari (a.k.a. 'Miss Deep'):

PROTIP: The anime "Read or Die"* is not a documentary, Andy Schaftafly.

*- All hail Yomiko Readman, Goddess Queen of Meganekkos!:

^_^ :3

11/18/2010 8:02:00 AM


So if the bible says it happened it must have happened, right? I mean, the bible is so fucking accurate in every little detail that we can of course take it all at face value without demanding some form of corroboration. You know, the talking snake thing, for instance.

11/18/2010 10:27:43 AM


11/18/2010 1:52:01 PM


Not just shut.
Completely shut.

11/18/2010 7:33:08 PM


"closed room with completely shut doors" tells me that nobody fucking knows what actually happened, e.g. the apostles or whoever wrote the passage made it all up from whole cloth, and naive little Andy of course believes everything without question.

11/19/2010 1:46:32 AM



"So, Jesus is a subatomic particle then? Huh. I always thought that Jesus was strange.

You know, if you "interpret" something enough, you can get it to mean anything.

I could argue that oh, say, because anytime anyone looked at a Gorgon they were turned to stone or that Eurydice disappeared the moment that Orpheus looked back at her when leaving the underworld, that Greek mythology had predicted the Observer Effect.

It would be a bloody stupid argument. It would reveal that I know absolutely nothing about quantum mechanics. It would be completely absurd. But it wouldn't be any more absurd than half of what Andy says."

Andy Schaftafly had better not read "The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" then, if he knows what's good for him. Specifically the part about the Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

Not even his security blankie (which I 'interpret' as his faith) would be sufficient.

'Hey, you sass that un-hoopy Andy Schaftafly? There's a fool who doesn't know where his towel is!'

And not even a towel will save him from something infinitely worse than a ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal: When his own insanity bites him on the arse - the levels of such could make the Heart of Gold's Infinite Improbability Drive give up it's own existence as a bad idea, and turn into a digital watch. Certainly when mainstream fundie Christian clergy get a load of the dingo's kidneys that is his Conservative Bible, and make him wish he was subjected to Vogon Poetry for eternity.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster and a lie-down. Andy Schaftafly's latest load of pre-verbal leg-removed Arcturian* Megadonkey manure is making my brain feel as if a couple of Hyper-intelligen Pan-Dimensional Beings have prepared, treated & diced it, then served on platinum platters at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe - whilst Disaster Area is playing a gig there.

*- Which of course, doesn't matter if it's male.


11/19/2010 9:47:46 AM


Well, I hope that the scientists who discovered this phenomenon were sure to cite the bible in their references

11/19/2010 10:28:39 AM


Everytime i've thought that Assfly has hit bottom, he finds a new blow-up shovel in his pocket...

11/19/2010 3:43:33 PM

So what you're saying is that Jesus was, in fact, a single particle?

How the BALLS did they get "him" up on the cross?

11/19/2010 4:44:28 PM


First you have to prove that Jesus existed, then you have to prove he did that, then we can talk about how he did it. Until you do that, you're just pulling crap out of your ass.

11/19/2010 4:49:38 PM


So your admitting that the so called "miracles" of the bible are totally explainable. Thus there is nothing sacred about your church, thus your religion is wrong.

Neither Jesus or god are holy figures or anything worth worshiping. It's all a sham, we just didn't figure out the science of it all till now. Science and reason are the path to truth, not religious worship.

Good to know. Thanks for making that clear.

11/19/2010 10:12:28 PM

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