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The 'Exploding Giraffe' Award

Now get that image out of your head

Quote# 77556

My Creation science teacher once told the story of the Giraffe. He asked us, "how large the heart of a Giraffe is?"
We said, "most likely larger than that of a human."
He said, "Yes it is." That it takes a large heart to pump blood continuously up that long neck." He went on to say, "What happens to a Giraffe when it leans down to get a drink?"
We just stared at him.

If a Giraffe leans down to take a drink and the blood supply to the brain is not shut off the Giraffes head would explode or massively hemmorage. But what is amazing is that their is a valve placed in the system that closes off the blood supply when he leans down allowing the Giraffe to get a drink.

He then asked, "How many Giraffes heads exploded before evolution created the valve?" It was interesting.

At any rate, His point was we were all created by species in like form as we are today. We do not need to try and fit our Bile into science.

mikhen7, Rapture Forums 117 Comments [11/20/2010 12:29:37 PM]
Fundie Index: 172
Submitted By: Grigori Yefimovich
WTF?! || meh

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Think or GTFO

Not quite on the same level as the burning nostrils, but it's close.

11/23/2010 12:09:03 AM


"My Creation science teacher"

How the fuck did this 'Creation science teacher' get a job, post Kitzmiller vs. Dover - certainly post-Kent Hovind - sucking off the head of the school board?!

"We do not need to try and fit our Bile into science."

For once I agree with a fundie. Venom & vitriol certainly fits in the Bible, along with it's Bile.


"Well, it's just after eight o'clock, and time for the penguin giraffe on top of your television set to explode."

Reminds me (and which appeals to my sense of the surreal) of something on one of Spike Milligan's "Q" series, with (I think) Stella Tanner and David Lodge (star of "Cockleshell Heroes"), sitting watching TV, when suddenly their gas fire starts moving and travelling in the direction of the doorway, out of the living room, ultimately exiting the house. Stella (as calm as you like) says:

'The fire's gone out.'


11/23/2010 10:16:39 AM



Given the number of public school science teachers in America and the number of creationists (especially in certain areas of the country), there are certainly going to be some creationists who end up teaching science in some American public schools, however unfortunate it may be. There are some parts of the country where the parents are going to be predominantly creationist and the few who aren't won't blow the whistle because they don't feel it's that important or they fear their child being ostracized by the community. If no one is willing to report a public school teacher for teaching creationism, then what the law says isn't going to matter.

However, I have trouble believing that any teacher in an American public school would actually refer to himself (or herself) as a "creation science teacher" -- because the school is going to at least nominally follow the state curriculum, and there is no way "creation science" is part of any state's science curriculum.

11/23/2010 1:55:58 PM


So, I don't think this person is referring to a teacher in an American public school, which leads to several options:

1.) This person isn't American. I don't know what the standards of science education are in other English-speaking countries. Heck, his English is so bad, that it wouldn't entirely surprise me if it was a second language. Maybe he isn't even in a country where the primary language is English. I know even less about the standards of science education in countries where English isn't the predominant language, so I guess I can't really speak on this.

2.) This person attends a private religious school, so the curriculum is exempt from most state regulations.

3.) This person is homeschooled. He doesn't mention that this "teacher" is one of his parents because he thinks it will make him lose his (non-existant) credibility, or because a group of parents has teamed up to with each parent covering a different topic more in-depth.

4.) He's taking a course at a non-accredited religious "college" -- though no one old enough to go to college in America should have such a poor grasp of the English language. Then again, we all remember Kent Hovind's doctoral dissertation in all of its shining glory.

5.) He's making this entire thing up. He just wants to make his exploding giraffe theory more believable by putting it in the mouth of a science teacher.

11/23/2010 1:56:29 PM


Also, learn the proper application of quotation marks. You just finished your sentence there, within quotes, instead of putting down the sentence the teacher would have said.

I'm a writing tutor goddammit jim!

11/24/2010 12:34:29 AM


So, why don't their feet explode when they stand up real tall? HMMM?

11/24/2010 9:48:02 AM


Or more likely the ones that mutated to include a valve that constrained blood pressure were able to eat more because they could grow tall enough to reach leaves that hadn't been stripped and still take a drink of water.

Over time, that valve shut down completely.

Or maybe it happened another way. We won't know till we find a really great specimen.

Also, I quite agree with your last sentence, even without the typo.

11/24/2010 12:27:35 PM

Steven Mading

"We do not need to fit our bile into science."

Best. Typo. Ever.

I'd like to ask that teacher how long he thought a brain can stay awake without blood. Notice he doesn't describe it as "reduce blood flow to the head" (what actually happens). He describes it as "cut off blood flow to the head". As in... altogether. Where are all the fainting Giraffes trying to drink water and then collapsing unconscious or dead?

12/7/2010 10:05:15 PM


In order for life to even exist, most cells in any organism are told to commit suicide. Most cells aren't even used, they just die. That's not very efficient and not what you would expect from an intelligent designer.

Your move.

12/13/2010 7:07:49 PM

Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!!! No realy, what dipolmia mill did your teacher get their degree from.

1/12/2011 3:59:15 PM

Rabbit of Caerbannog

5/16/2012 6:12:03 PM

Rabbit of Caerbannog

10/12/2012 8:37:43 PM


And if he drinks for too long, he'll die of a combination of oxygen deprivation to the brain and drowning.

1/15/2014 7:38:25 AM


Later the teacher asked how many people had to use their other had to hold their glasses in front of their eyes before evolution created the nose.

1/16/2014 5:07:32 AM


> We do not need to try and fit our Bile into science.

I agree.

> He then asked, "How many Giraffes heads exploded before evolution created the valve?" It was interesting.

Assuming you meant: "How many giraffe heads exploded before the valve evolved," Assuming for a moment that the valve did not evolve until after the giraffe's neck was too long, I'd guess a large, but not population-destroying amount.

How is that an argument against evolution? That valve seems like the classic quick-fix evolution is famous for!

1/16/2014 2:55:12 PM


No they just have to smash science with a sledgehammer until it fits with the bible.

1/16/2014 2:58:57 PM

"We do not need to try and fit our Bile into science."

That's because others like you are already trying to fit your bile and your bible into public school science classrooms, claiming it IS science. They're claiming there is a "controversy" about evolution (there isn't) and the big bang (there isn't) and that we should "teach the controversy" and let the kids decide. If you think that, there is controversy about mathematics (numerology), chemistry (alchemy) psychology (phrenology), magic, and human birth (stork delivery). Of course we need to then teach ALL the controversies to the kids, they can sort it all out and figure out what is true.

1/16/2014 7:37:55 PM
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