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Quote# 78264

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Jesus! He will give you intimacy, warmth, and companionship you can only approximate with a human! He NEVER fails; something that's important to me right now.


Acts5:41, RaptureReady 95 Comments [12/25/2010 6:09:39 AM]
Fundie Index: 54
WTF?! || meh
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Gawd


Somehow I just knew this was from a thread titled, "Praying for a husband".

12/25/2010 6:15:41 AM



That's great and all, but last time I checked, you can't have sex with Jesus.

12/25/2010 6:19:17 AM

fmitchell

I'll stick with my satisfying relationship with Wonder Woman, thanks.

12/25/2010 6:32:42 AM

TGRwulf

Intimacy in a relationship often involves sex you kinky xian you!

12/25/2010 6:41:08 AM

Serph-no-Okami

Ehm, I'm a guy and straight, so I'll just stick to my girlfriend, thanks. Besides, I thought you guys hated the ghey, so what's with this relationship with Jesus bit? Or are you only adressing women?

12/25/2010 6:46:30 AM

jsonitsac

Kind of weird the way Acts5:41 is putting it, but this seems more like a statement of faith than anything fundie.

12/25/2010 6:58:29 AM

Szena

More unintentional eroticism from RR.

12/25/2010 7:02:51 AM

Horus IX

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Imaginary Cosmic Best Friend! He will give you intimacy, warmth, and companionship you can only approximate with a REAL human! He NEVER fails; something that's important to me right now.

FIXED

12/25/2010 7:12:17 AM

shadkat

Look, even if this whole Jesus thing was true and all, the relationship would be a bit one sided by normal human standards. Humans look for direct contact. With Jesus, you can talk to Him, and hope He's listening, but you don't know for sure, and He sure as hell won't keep up His end of the conversation. You can't touch Him, or be held by him, and anything more intimate is way out of the question...unless you go all Linda Blair as Regan on this, and that's just disturbing.

12/25/2010 7:24:07 AM

Anon

When you are terminally ill, does Jesus then: Drive you to the hospital, hold your hand, take care for you (including preparing meals, wash your body when you aren't able to do anymore, change your clothes), and stays at your side in your last hours?

I and my father did all of this to my mother when she got terminal cancer.

Jesus didn't do anything of this. Sure, because he is nothing but an imaginary figure.

12/25/2010 7:28:54 AM

mtgcostello

FAIL

12/25/2010 7:44:22 AM

Evil Pirate Captain Mel

It looks like someone never outgrew the need for an imaginary friend. I pity you.

12/25/2010 7:57:39 AM

Dexter

Intimacy? Really?

He'll never rub your back, he'll never hold your hand, no kisses and all that.

A relationship that dosn't exist outside of your imagination.

Intimacy? My ass...

12/25/2010 8:01:07 AM

Doctor Whom

@#1237824

That's great and all, but last time I checked, you can't have sex with Jesus.

You mean you can't call out, "Oh, Jesus!" while masturbating? Hey, it makes as much sense as the rest of it does.

12/25/2010 8:03:56 AM

Jezeus

...but can he make you cum?

12/25/2010 8:07:40 AM

LDM

@jsonitsac

Believe me, Acts5:41 is as fundie as they come. All of her posts are about "handing out Jesus", and if her posts are to be believed, she pretty much spends every waling moment and every penny she has, on passing out bibles everywhere she goes.

12/25/2010 8:09:50 AM

B K

Jesus love you... IN BED!

12/25/2010 8:24:25 AM

Mihangel apYrs

just remember to wear a condom - he goews qith anyone who asks him

12/25/2010 8:33:40 AM

The Lazy One

Honey, I might suggest that you get a decent download connection and find something nice to fap to, and then buy a vibrator or something. It might not be very warm and good company, but at least it will be slightly less depressing for you.

12/25/2010 8:37:17 AM

PiGirl13

If you want to have a so-called relationship with a fictional character who you have to pretend is nicer than he is, become a Draco Malfoy fangirl.

12/25/2010 9:26:50 AM

Brendan Rizzo

Does she want... to have SEX with JESUS?!

12/25/2010 9:50:28 AM

Canadia

He's been failing for the past couple thousand years, actually, something about returning to life in his follower's lifetimes, still waiting.

12/25/2010 10:05:07 AM

dionysus

That's nice, but what if you're a lonely man? Can you have a gay relationship with Jesus? Is fucking Jesus better than fucking a woman? Does Jesus give good head? Actually, since he's supposedly a 2000 year old virgin, I think I'll stick with women.

12/25/2010 10:23:24 AM

D Laurier

What the fuck?
These people are fapping to their imaginary freind.

12/25/2010 10:37:02 AM

feralboy12

Jesus: the ultimate inflatable fuck puppet.

12/25/2010 10:54:01 AM
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