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Quote# 78264

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Jesus! He will give you intimacy, warmth, and companionship you can only approximate with a human! He NEVER fails; something that's important to me right now.


Acts5:41, RaptureReady 95 Comments [12/25/2010 6:09:39 AM]
Fundie Index: 54
WTF?! || meh
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Justanotheratheist

Tough choice. Do I snuggle up to my wife, or to a bloke who's been dead for two millennia?

Mmmm, sorry. Jesus loses. Again.

12/25/2010 10:57:22 AM

Alleyprowler

I had to look up Acts 5:41 - "And they [the apostles] departed from the presence of the [Sanhedrin] council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer shame for his name." (KJV)

In other words: Hurrah, we get to be disgraced! FOR JEEBUS!

You're a creepy little creep, Acts.

12/25/2010 10:59:52 AM

Fawful has seen God has a vagina on top of his penis.

http://www.google.es/imgres?imgurl=http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web02/2009/4/10/15/inflatable-jesus-sex-doll-nsfw-12170-1239393180-3.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.buzzfeed.com/savage/inflatable-jesus-sex-doll-nsfw-1g6&usg=__WC9LcSSsZymQm30SOBCiwZCqfb0=&h=400&w=400&sz=87&hl=es&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=746tYAeD4uCmjM:&tbnh=122&tbnw=122&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dinflatable%2Bjesus%26um%3D1%26hl%3Des%26sa%3DN%26rlz%3D1B3WZPB_esMX327MX327%26biw%3D1280%26bih%3D545%26tbs%3Disch:1&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=59&ei=nDMWTfW7JpO4sQOJj_GECg&oei=nDMWTfW7JpO4sQOJj_GECg&esq=1&page=1&ndsp=23&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=52&ty=57

12/25/2010 11:10:56 AM

Quantum Mechanic

Always failed me.
But then I'm not looking for a husband.

12/25/2010 11:11:22 AM

pretty puppy

So, that's why some people want Jesus to come in them?

This isn't at all fundie though, just another aspect of some Christian religion beliefs/sayings that is easily open to double entandre making.

12/25/2010 11:14:52 AM

ANALH

You know honestly this one's not that fundie. This is the kind of thing a normal Christian might say. The only thing that makes this quote fundie is that its from Rapture Ready.

The accidental "sexual innuendo" is pretty funny though I gotta admit.

12/25/2010 11:50:33 AM



I hope this person is a woman..............well, I hope she´s not proyecting.

12/25/2010 12:23:01 PM

Papabear

Just another sad, sad deluded person who can't get a date.

12/25/2010 12:23:51 PM



Jesus is now my waifu

12/25/2010 12:47:10 PM

gaijinlaw

Intimacy? Warmth? Pfft, I can't even get the dude to drive me to the airport.

12/25/2010 1:03:36 PM

WMDKitty

Um, yeah, that's great if you like being celibate and all, but the rest of us have, you know, NEEDS.

12/25/2010 1:12:33 PM

Philbert McAdamia

@ feralboy12
Jesus: the ultimate inflatable fuck puppet.


Billion dollar idea, there, feral; inflatable Jesus.
You'd sell 100 million of them below the Mason/Dixon line alone.

> He NEVER fails; <

Macho J-man, always up for whatever.

12/25/2010 1:26:48 PM

I read about the afterlife

Sorry, I make a point not to be with men who only like me when I'm on my knees.

12/25/2010 1:34:40 PM

Old Viking

He's a ding-dong daddy from Dumas, you ought to see him do his stuff ...

He's a ring-tailed roarer from Horton's Corner, you ought to see him strut ...

12/25/2010 1:38:10 PM

SpukiKitty

What? Mary Magdalene's on the computer (okay, so I dig Gnosticism & the idea of Jesus & The Magdalene being a couple)?! It's a nice sentiment when taken non-literally or as a delaration of a celibacy vow but c'mon...

...A Jesus Sex Doll? That's...uh...interesting.

12/25/2010 2:04:32 PM




12/25/2010 2:12:30 PM

Freethink

I've always suspected fanatical religious fervor was just sublimated sex. This kind of proves it.

12/25/2010 2:19:33 PM

what???

Yeah, but does he take it from behind? No? Oh well, I guess he's not what I'm looking for.

12/25/2010 2:22:11 PM

nazani14

Makes Harlequin novels look positively normal.

12/25/2010 2:25:10 PM

Mudak

Puts "suffer the little children to come unto me" in a different perspective, doesn't it?

12/25/2010 3:18:24 PM

Karana

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Neptune!

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Thor!

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: A unicorn!

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Frodo Baggins!

You could put anything else supernatural/imaginary in there and it would still be the most ridiculously unsatisfying non-existant relationship ever.

I'll keep my real husband thanks.



12/25/2010 3:27:54 PM

Berny

He's also imaginary.
Congratulations on the placebo husband.

12/25/2010 3:29:08 PM

Kinnell

He will give you intimacy, warmth, and companionship you can only approximate with a human!

That's ok - I'll settle for an approximation. One that I can see and feel, and actually exists in reality. I'm not greedy.

12/25/2010 3:31:37 PM

Rat of Steel

(Karana)
"Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Frodo Baggins!"


*shrugs* Well, if you're gonna go with someone fictional, you could do far worse than someone played by Elijah Wood, who is rather cute, after all.

12/25/2010 3:34:06 PM

whatever

There's not a female alternative for lonely guys though.

(Insert advert for Tenga Flip-Hole).

12/25/2010 3:43:11 PM
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