Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 78264

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Jesus! He will give you intimacy, warmth, and companionship you can only approximate with a human! He NEVER fails; something that's important to me right now.


Acts5:41, RaptureReady 95 Comments [12/25/2010 6:09:39 AM]
Fundie Index: 54
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3 4
Epicurus

@feralboy12

Na, all the air would leak from the holes in each hand.

12/25/2010 6:27:10 PM

Nithing

Jesus : approximate with a human

12/25/2010 6:56:37 PM

GodotIsWaiting4U

Ah, but he won't give me something a human CAN give me: pussy. And that makes all the difference.

12/25/2010 7:16:49 PM

Raised by Horses

Stop praying and do something useful. Meet people. Join a book club. Anything. Please.

12/25/2010 7:17:18 PM

Nowonmai

Some guy who died 2000 years ago can be intimate with you? Umm ew.

12/25/2010 9:20:48 PM

John_in_Oz

Your imaginary friend will never let you down.

12/26/2010 1:09:57 AM

rubber chicken

Jesus, putting the Messiah into MILF since 4bce

12/26/2010 3:03:06 AM

chaosof99

This one reminds me so much of that South Park episode where Cartman has a christian rock band. "Oh sweet Jesus, I want to feel your salvation all over my face!"

12/26/2010 4:24:48 AM

Doubting Thomas

So, it's not so much that you love Jesus, but you're in love with Jesus?

I would suggest, though, that if women on RR (or men for that matter) are looking for a future spouse they should drop the whole whacko religion thing because a lot of (read that most) people get seriously turned off by fundamentalist Christianity.

12/26/2010 7:44:03 AM

Percy Q. Shunn


12/26/2010 8:57:04 AM

DevilsChaplain

"Hot For Jesus" Award?

12/26/2010 9:54:54 AM

aaa

You really are pathetic.

12/26/2010 11:37:49 AM

Anon-e-moose

(emphasis added):

"Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Jesus! He will give you intimacy, warmth, and companionship you can only approximate with a human!"

If you're a female who's 'saved', fair enough. But what if you're male?

I thought you fundies were supposed to be hyper-anti-gay? Ah, but then, Jesus hung around with twelve men (two of whom were sailors), wore a dress, never married a woman, and implored people to 'Love your fellow man.'

Show some consistency, please.

12/26/2010 12:03:25 PM

John

He will give you intimacy, warmth, and companionship you can only approximate with a human!

Gee ... all the benefits of a Labrador retriever without the vet bills or walking him in the rain.

12/26/2010 1:28:49 PM

Swede

Gee, I think I'll stick with my husband, who can actually drive me to the hospital after I've had an epileptic seizure.

I don't really care what's important to you right now; I want a man who can load and start the dishwasher, load and start the washing machine, and hang the clothes after, who can cook me a meal, and who can fix my computer when it's bothersome. Can Jesus do any of those things, Ms Acts?

12/26/2010 1:52:20 PM

Mycoid Mike

I'll give her this much: no one ever got an STD from an incorporeal partner.
But on the balance this is just too creepy.

12/26/2010 6:44:29 PM

LadyJafaria

You probably stay away from Twilight because it's occult. And you probably stay away from corners of the Internet besides Rapture Ready itself because there are bad nasty atheists there. So you have no idea how much contempt, disgust, and deep, primal, Cthulhu-fucking horror the following statement actually contains for you:

I have seen saner Twilight fangirls.

12/26/2010 8:46:30 PM

HumMis1349

@Karana:
Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: A unicorn!

Well, I would expect a unicorn stallion to be anatomically similar to a regular horse.


12/26/2010 9:18:23 PM

Bizarro

Someone has a hard time getting a date...

12/26/2010 9:53:06 PM

Mr Blur

Yeah, but will he promise not to come in your mouth?

12/27/2010 2:24:16 AM

solomongrundy

Acts5:41 also wrote (at http://rr-bb.com/showthread.php?153583-Increase-in-Unusual-Postings:)

...about 1% of the population is bipolar, and many don't take their meds... which leads to some very odd posting.

I've been that poster... before medication.


Which explains a lot...

12/27/2010 6:06:28 AM

Xotan

It would be nice if Jesus would actually put in an appearance once in a while so that we could believe he exists. But since he doesn't, I have to conlcude that those who insist he does exist are hallucination.

12/27/2010 8:05:12 AM



@#1237824:
"That's great and all, but last time I checked, you can't have sex with Jesus."

So he claims:



But the evidence suggests otherwise:






12/27/2010 8:53:42 AM

Zeus Almighty

OK, I really just feel sorry for this person, sitting on the couch eating Cheetos and watching Fox "news" or some huckster preacher, halucinating that a ripped, blue-eyed Jesus is lying on top of her (I assume it's a her) fat, flabby body.

12/27/2010 9:40:36 AM

Mister Spak

Have you tried Harry Potter?

12/27/2010 10:58:09 AM
1 2 3 4