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Quote# 78264

Remember the best and most satisfying relationship is already available: Jesus! He will give you intimacy, warmth, and companionship you can only approximate with a human! He NEVER fails; something that's important to me right now.


Acts5:41, RaptureReady 95 Comments [12/25/2010 6:09:39 AM]
Fundie Index: 54
WTF?! || meh
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Nicole

What a condescending and inconsiderate thing to say to a lonely person!

12/27/2010 11:40:04 AM

Reverend Jeremiah

Jesus has a warm, wet pussy and a set of titties for me?

Oh wait, a girl wrote this. Why would I want intimacy from a man, thats so gay.

..not that Im against gay people. If Jesus likes gay stuff, then by all means let him have at it. Let Jesus know I dont partake, so he will not hit on me... I dont like that stuff.

12/27/2010 1:59:25 PM

Reverend Jeremiah

Later in the thread:

"Yeah I'm single too. I have dated this one guy. He was the first guy who ever liked me and the first guy I ever dated. We broke up because we weren't as compatible as we though. (plus he was a non-believer). I know, pretty stupid of me to date a non-believer, but I never had attracted a guy before. I know I'm not ready for marriage anytime soon, but I wish for prayer to find the right guy when the time comes. "

Yeah, not much of an all powerful deity when you have to say things like "but I wish for prayer to find the right guy when the time comes." Thats like saying "Soon I may find myself in a tough situation" and then consider that person who said that to be a prophet.

12/27/2010 2:13:33 PM

freako104

but I am hetero, I do not want intimicay with Jesus.

12/27/2010 2:36:56 PM

Tolpuddle Martyr

That and he's nailed to a tree and can't complain make it a match made in heaven!

12/27/2010 3:59:08 PM

TheJebusFire

I thought sex before marriage was a sin.

12/27/2010 7:23:38 PM

Iczer-four


12/27/2010 7:35:24 PM

nutbunny

Flirty Fisher, right?

12/28/2010 2:46:09 AM

Zemik

Does that mean he's gay?

12/29/2010 7:10:07 PM

Anon-e-moose

@Zemik

"Does that mean he's gay?"

Like I say, he did hang around with twelve men, two of whom were sailors.

'Tom of Finland', and all that jazz eh, Acts 5:41? So far in that closet you're almost in Narnia, eh?! One doesn't need to be Freud to figure you out, Actypoos. Two Words: Ted Faggard:



Just sayin'.

(*Goes off, whistling "In The Navy" by The Village People*)

X3

12/30/2010 11:44:29 AM

Osiris

Gay for Jesus Award.

12/31/2010 1:29:06 PM

Bro

however, jesus won't let you put your penis inside him.

12/31/2010 9:31:30 PM

Shadoboy

Eh... as much as I like Jesus I don't think I could get into THAT kind of relationship with him...

1/2/2011 12:05:36 AM

Trilby

This is actually very sad. It basically exemplifies what I have known for a while now: that religion is mostly an emotional crutch for a psychologically unstable species.

It's so...depressing.

1/2/2011 6:30:35 PM

Joke

Reminds me of "The Children of God"/"the Family of Love"/"the Family"/"The Family International" (they have changed their name a couple of times)

They encouraged their members to imagine Jesus during sex or masturbation (imagine him as their partner), men was also told to imagine them-self as women to avoid homosexuality.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_International#Loving_Jesus

1/3/2011 2:25:35 PM

Brianisha

Im sorry, but my real living breathing husband is more of a boon than your dead savior.

1/12/2011 11:52:28 AM

anti-nonsense

Jesus never returned my phone call.

1/12/2011 12:02:20 PM

DaMentalFunism

Eww.

1/16/2011 3:42:44 PM

Quantum Mechanic

"He NEVER fails"

Hell, he never even exists.
Idiot.

7/13/2013 11:13:56 AM

Blarghonius

Jesus RealDoll now available! Only 10% of all your wealth plus shipping and handling!

7/13/2013 1:01:42 PM
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