The Incident: A certain woman has been trying to destroy my family with discord, violence and sickness through witchcraft and not natural means. When a certain family member happens to visit our house we apparently fall sick. So was natural that we thought he was praying curses over us (he also indulges into the occult and witchcraft time and again). But at a prayer meeting yesterday the Lord shone His light over the situation and gave a lady a vision of this woman who was cursing me. The best part of it, however, is that she was all shaken and trembling and saying the name of Jesus is too much for me to bear. She bowed down at the name of Jesus. Wow! Praise the name of Jesus. There’s power!
72 comments
Ah, yes-- Jesus fanfiction! Always a crowd-pleaser, assuming your crowd is a pack of incurious, pseudomystical ninnies.
I would bet all the sand in Texas that none of this actually happened.
I have a vision coming now as a matter of fact, it's one of you making shit up.
Must be true then, right?
You are physically i------ahh fuck it, why bother treating physical illness when you need to be beaten over the head with your goddamn bible. (This coming from a Pagan mind you)
As far as the shaking woman goes, Id be shaking too because of witchburning fundies like yourself. I bet you made the part up about her bowing down.
I tell you what, I bet you've never seen anything as amazing as my friend Gobbo, he's got one leg shorter than the other. Or rather, he did have. Now they're both the same length.
It happened one night down the pub.
I said, "Do you fancy another pint Gobbo?"
"Nah!", he said. "I'm off home now"
And he hobbled off out in to the night.
Next thing we heard a mighty scream followed by "Jeesus Christ!!!!"
We rushed out and there was Gobbo lying half on the road and half on the pavement and a steamroller lumbering away into the night. Miraculously, both of Gobbo's legs were now the same length - 3 inches.
Right...sounds like a good time for a little diplomacy.
You know "diplomacy," that's the art of saying "nice doggie" while you reach for a big rock.
When reading this post, I have a vision of a bully backing an old lady against a wall and terrorising her. Smooth, Scribe, smoooooth.
You know, if everyone in your home washes their hands regularly, that "sickness" in your family will probably disappear.
All hail the concept of Hygiene! Now there's REAL power!
"There’s power!"
Power? A new Big Bang would be a show of divine power. A woman having convulsions is a circus act, not a demonstration of divine power.
It's amazing how small these people think their deity is.
A certain woman has been trying to destroy my family with discord, violence and sickness through witchcraft and not natural means.
Okay, so this is already a giant pile of horse-shit. But then the fail goes even deeper:
When a certain family member happens to visit our house we apparently fall sick. So was natural that we thought he was praying curses over us...
Oh, yes of course; naturally - because obviously sickness can be traced back to someone "preying curses" over you.
What a tool.
"When a certain family member happens to visit our house we apparently fall sick."
Perhaps it was a communicable illness, ya dummy.
This commenter forgot to add this one sentence before the diatribe: And now, a comment from the lunatic fringe. "A certain woman has been ....."
So scribecorner, does this "certain woman" that uses witchcraft....does she fly on a broom? Somehow, I think you would answer yes....
When a certain family member happens to visit our house we apparently fall sick.
You know, it might be witchcraft or...they've got this radical new idea that diseases are caused by bacteria and viruses.
Or maybe, just maybe, that family member is a carrier of something that he's immune to, but you're not.
But it's much better to try and point witch at a woman you, more than likely, can't stand, right?
Why believe in 18th-century mumbo-jumbo like witchcraft when we have Scientology and its modern, scientific methods of spotting Potential Trouble Sources and Suppressive Persons? Join Scientology now! For modest fee, we can help you disown every person around you who as much as looks funnily at you. It is clean, technically documented, and most importantly, your monetary contributions help to further the progress. And most importantly, you never need to visit those evil psychiatrists your "friends" try to send you to.
Or perhaps your "certain family member" is a carrier for some sort of mild pathogen?
Or just has bad hygiene in general?
Why does it have to be a witch? Why does it have to be malice? Why does Christianity make you so paranoid?
What are the natural means* to produce discord, violence and sickness? Just wondering, since you don't seem to have a problem with the end result, just the means.
(maybe teenage pregnancy and motherhood, from the rhythm method)
Back off, this one is for the men in white coats. Scriberita is not your usual ignorant fundie moron at whom we love to poke fun and hurl abuse; can you guys not recognise pscyhosis when you see it? This person needs sympathy and medication.
The tragedy is that he/she clearly belongs to a church that cannot distinguish between spiritual ecstasy and psychosis, and to anyone who thinks there's no difference I'd say save your cheap shots for when Scriberita is fully recovered. I work with psychotics professionally and there's a huge difference between patients who "get religion" when they're ill and those who are religious to start with and whose ideas become delusional when their mental health falls apart. But then I think it's possible to be sane, rational and religious, though you don't find many examples of that on FSDT of course!
Cries of 'thou shalt not suffer a witch to live' sparked by someone who had a hallucination tends to make people begin saying whatever will get them out of the immediate situation alive. I find it especially amusing that witchcraft was immediately assumed to be the culprit of a sudden illness when a travelling family member visited rather than... I dunno. The flu? Then when a woman has a moment of divination causing the congregation to turn, possibly violently, against one of their own it's definitely the Lord doing it and not the other guy.
How come only Fundie Christians see witchcraft and sorcery everywhere?
I've been an agnostic almost all my life, now I'm an atheist. I've never seen the slightest hint of witchcraft or sorcery, even though I LOVE the books about Harry Potter. Let's face it, they're more like allegories for Christ, than witchcraft tales.
Why do I suspect the woman was trembling because scribecorner came at her in some kind of fundie witch-doctor outfit, screaming incoherently and waving a crucifix?
Away in a madhouse, confined to my bed
From visions and nightmares
That fill me with dread....
Oh Jesus, you're so strong, and your name alone is so powerful... Mmm, yeah, bring those big strong carpenter arms over here and I can show you just how naughty and in need of a messiah I am...
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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