Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In Forums

Quote# 79619

Cecil left the hospital on a Wednesday and full recovery was an hour-by-hour situation. Some pains returned with constipation striking some fear into him. On Sunday morning Cecil began to see what the Lord was trying to show him and he began to do self-deliverance. The demons began to stir in his abominable area and actually “growled” as they were called out in the name of Jesus. After some 20 minutes of prayer and deliverance Cecil’s system “cleaned out” and he was back to normal. The next Sunday he again began self-deliverance and again there was intense growling and difficulty in expelling the demonic spirits, with gasping, throat trying to close, extreme gagging and coughing. But a number of demons came out.

Paul Nowlen, Free in the Lord Minisitries 94 Comments [2/22/2011 4:29:24 AM]
Fundie Index: 93
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3 4
#1259607
SurfinSeaOtter

Relieving constipation is not demons coming out

2/22/2011 4:43:57 AM
#1259609
whatever

Couldn't he just have taken a laxitive?

2/22/2011 4:45:19 AM
#1259611
: |

This just has to be a Poe...

Please?

2/22/2011 4:46:12 AM
#1259612
Mr Petomaine

Happened to me.

I had terrible stomach pains and a demonic growling. Then there a loud trumpet sound and the room filled with the smell of brimstone as the demon left my body.

2/22/2011 4:46:50 AM
#1259615
Mordeak

@Mr Petomaine

You win the internets

2/22/2011 4:52:26 AM
#1259616


This cannot be real.

2/22/2011 4:52:38 AM
#1259619
Percy Q. Shunn

I'm not a doctor, but it sounds to me like Cecil needs more fiber in his diet.

2/22/2011 5:02:04 AM
#1259620
Bong Hit Barbie

Do people actually believe this shit? Even when I was a fundy I didn't believe stupid shit like this, and I believed some pretty stupid shit.

2/22/2011 5:02:26 AM
#1259622
The_L

Im still grinning at the idea of the body having an "abominable" area. Someone can't spell "abdominal" and doesn't care enough to use a damn dictionary.

2/22/2011 5:06:25 AM
#1259633
Brianisha

Its not abominable its abdomen, moron.

Those arent demons, the poor fools hungry.

2/22/2011 5:28:12 AM
#1259634
nutbunny

His abominable area?
Anybody play a bit in the brothel in Dragon Age?

2/22/2011 5:29:39 AM
#1259637


Those ain’t demons! Those are shit!

2/22/2011 5:41:38 AM
#1259638
Nevermore

I give this a poe rating of 8/10. Good job!

2/22/2011 5:46:10 AM
#1259640
Prager

Perhaps some pepto-bismol or other similar remedy would have worked better?

2/22/2011 5:52:56 AM
#1259642
Grimsoncrow

For once, I am speechless...

2/22/2011 5:57:53 AM
#1259645
Mister SPak

"there was intense growling and difficulty in expelling the demonic spirits, with gasping, throat trying to close, extreme gagging and coughing."

That happens whenever one particular co-worker farts.

2/22/2011 6:14:29 AM
#1259647
arctic knight

I've taken some craps in my day that felt like that. It wasn't demons, it was just some Polish sausages.

2/22/2011 6:24:11 AM
#1259651
Doubting Thomas

Usually the growling is because you're hungry. And while I've taken some evil shits before, I didn't literally believe they were demons.

2/22/2011 6:33:07 AM
#1259652
TGRwulf

So Satan has nothing better to do than make people constipated and gassy?

2/22/2011 6:33:36 AM
#1259653
dionysus

You think that's bad, I once ate a lot of Mexican food and it felt like I had lakes of fire in my colon. Then when I couldn't hold it any longer all hell broke loose.

2/22/2011 6:38:20 AM
#1259655


You can call them what they are: turds, not demons.
Sounds like your buddy Cecil's having a bad case of gastro-enteritis.

2/22/2011 6:42:23 AM
#1259656
WMDKitty

I'd suggest, to keep the demons from coming back, that he stop eating beans...

2/22/2011 6:48:03 AM
#1259657
Brendan Rizzo

Hahaha. Oh this takes the cake. These guys MUST be Poes, because there is no way that they could not understand why one's stomach rumbles. Cecil was obviously hungry. I hope he got something to eat after that. I feel really sorry for Cecil, and hope that he's a grown man or something and can thus decide for himself what to do, 'cause he must've done something extremely dangerous in the last sentence, what with the gagging, throat closing, and coughing. I think he should go back to that hospital. He'd be safer there than with Free In The Lord Ministries.

2/22/2011 6:49:34 AM
#1259660
Joe Mama

he began to do self-deliverance.

Mom always said I'd go blind if I did that.

with gasping, throat trying to close, extreme gagging and coughing.

It's because he's a fundie and forgot to breathe again.

2/22/2011 7:07:10 AM
#1259663
pete

Let me guess. The poor freak thinks that eating vegetables will make him gay so he lives on cheeseburgers.

2/22/2011 7:16:07 AM
1 2 3 4