Home Archives Random Quotes Latest Comments Top 100 Submit Quote Search Log In

Quote# 80638

GLORIOUS BASTERDS

Inglorious Basterds is a Jewish psycho-fantasy based on the delusional notion of retroactive vengeance against Nazi forces in France at the end of World War II. It is an artful, but ultimately pointless, exercise in orgiastic gratuitous violence. The only redeeming value of this film is:

(1) The not so subtle encouragement of the viewing audience not to take contemporary evils lightly and to act before it is too late to avert their tragic consequences.

(2) The possible equation of suave and sophisticated Nazi SS officers with intellectual and academic elites in our own American society of the 21st century.

Thus I would like to propose a sequel to this film: Inglorious Basterds II, or more properly Glorious Basterds.

This would project the urbane and intellectual SS officers onto the modern American academic milieu, specifically the Darwinian Evolutionists, whose scheme is irrational, illogical, and with many destructive consequences for society at large.

Thus this is the delicious scenario I would like to see Quentin Tarantino render into a sequel:

Brad Pitt leads his gang of Jewish vengeance seekers (along with a couple of idealistic Gentiles) onto a modern American college campus. There they lay siege to the Department of Biological Sciences. They round up all the faculty members inside a large meeting room where they place them under armed guard and lock all doors and windows.

Then they order the department chairman to recite a script over the phone to FOX or CNN. The script would read thus:

To Members of the American Mass Media,

We professors of Biological Science at the University of ___________ are being held hostage by a band of spiritual fanatics who condemn us for disseminating anti-spiritual falsehoods and irrational myths disguised under the cloak of scientific respectability called Darwinist Evolution. These falsehoods, our captors maintain, have harmed the hearts, minds, and souls of countless numbers of American youth and have poisoned the entire culture at large against the reality of the Creator God depicted in the Hebrew and Christian Bibles. We are being judged as destroyers of society and traitors to America, whose Declaration of Independence clearly speaks of a Divine Creator. We have been given two options: to publically renounce our fraudulent evolutionist views and to live, or to stubbornly maintain these views and to die. We have one hour to decide our fates.

Then Brad Pitt randomly selects one of the faculty members to be shot and killed instantly, in an act of "natural de-selection", just to demonstrate his determination. Suspense builds as the faculty members desperately seek ways to avoid further acts of "natural de-selection" as they recognize that they are faced with a choice of admitting their lives have been dedicated to disseminating a vile lie or to dying for what they know to be a complete deception. The professors attempt to engage in various philosophical and scientific arguments to dissuade the Basterds from their course of vengeance, and every so often the Basterds lose patience with their convoluted reasoning and randomly shoot and kill an academic offender.

In the end the surviving faculty members take a vote and decide to renounce Darwinism rather than their lives. Brad Pitt then tells them that though they have chosen wisely, they cannot get off so lightly and he proceeds to carve into their foreheads a large D to identify them wherever they go as former Darwinists who endeavored to destroy the fabric of American society with their anti-intellectual and God-hating ideas. And then he says: "I never realized that Nazis could come in any size, shape, color, nationality, or profession! Who would have dreamed that many of America's own intellectual elites would turn out to be Nazis too?!"

Bad Pitt, Pharyngula 101 Comments [4/22/2011 3:46:00 PM]
Fundie Index: 183
Submitted By: TB Tabby
WTF?! || meh
Username:
Comment:



1 2 3 4 5
Canadia

Did you just say someone had anti-intellectual ideas while mentally masturbating about how great a movie where scientific theories, rather than being disproved through evidence contrary to them, or what have you, is shot down by some madman killing them all until they give up? Also, fuck yeah, Godwin.

(By the way, this isn't by THE Brad Pitt before anyone gets confused, I was really mindfucked for a second until I checked out the page.)

4/22/2011 12:29:56 AM

Meridian the Imaginary

I can only assume that this neanderthal is misinterpreting natural selection intentionally so that he has justification to dream up these violent and abhorrent fantasies.

Just another instance of an ignorant coward who hides behind religion so he never has to come face-to-face with his savagery.

4/22/2011 12:40:26 AM

Raised by Horses

Fundie dreams of murdering those who disagree with him and his warped world-view because he can't argue with them on logical grounds?

Call me a hardened cynic, but I'm hardly even surprised anymore.

4/22/2011 12:40:43 AM

Justanotheratheist

Wow. A mega Godwin, born of a wholly fictitious movie.

4/22/2011 12:47:57 AM

Saladin

...

...

... What? I think I got something about... Nazis and evolution, and Brad Pitt...?

Shit, IDK lol.

4/22/2011 12:59:36 AM

aaa

In other words, you want a film about the American Pol Pot. For the sake of all mankind, please drink a pint of hydrofluoric acid.

4/22/2011 1:22:38 AM

B K

<Facepalm>

This has got to be a poe. It's surely not possible to have this amount of fail through sheer stupidity alone!

4/22/2011 1:43:46 AM



<i> These falsehoods, our captors maintain, have harmed the hearts, minds, and souls of countless numbers of American youth[...]</i>

How?

4/22/2011 1:44:10 AM

huh?

I got this weird surreal feeling when reading this. Like i was reading it outside of my body. Even now im sure i dont grasp just how fucked up this shit is.

4/22/2011 1:58:43 AM

Passerby

As much as I hate to compliment a Nazi, the SS portrayed were trained counter-intelligence operatives. They were terrifyingly intelligent because that's how fucking smart you had to be to sniff out spies. That's supposed to reflect American counter-intelligence operations as well.

Advanced acting, situational awareness, and psychology (while impressive in their own right) have nothing to do with hard sciences like the people you want to murder but I guess anybody smarter than you just gets lumped together with the great big 'smart guy conspiracy' that you're so afraid of.

That level of talent and indeed that very skillset is supposed to be the ideal for an FBI profiler, CIA operative, or forensic psychologist.

Rounding up and executing people who have a system of beliefs in direct opposition to your own ain't heroic, it's genocide. If you can't draw parallels between your 'heroes' gunning down scientists for their beliefs and Hitler gassing Jews, gays, everyone not on his side of the political spectrum, and also any scientists he disagreed with then I'd have to wonder if you could find a needle in a stack of needles.

4/22/2011 2:15:15 AM



(Hurl) really, just (hurl)

4/22/2011 2:32:07 AM

LAchlan

I think you might be quite, quite mad.
Make it two pints, just to be sure.

4/22/2011 2:44:27 AM



Lol what a TsimFuckis.

4/22/2011 3:14:07 AM

Katherine Lorraine

It's actually by "Bad Pitt"

4/22/2011 4:09:53 AM

Night Jaguar

I'm sure atheist Brad Pitt would love to star in your deeply disturbing fantasy of a film.

4/22/2011 4:15:08 AM

Doperwtje

Whether IB's characters were right or wrong in their brutality is a matter of opinion, but your version makes the Basterds into actual terrorists. There's no excuse for killing people just because you don't like what they say.
Also, wasn't there an Inglorious Bastards 2 film already?

4/22/2011 4:17:51 AM

TB Tabby

Sorry for the confusion about the name given, I was just going by what PZ said. I didn't notice my mistake until I'd already submitted it.

But that just makes it that much dumber, right? An anti-atheist fanfic written under the name of a celebrity who is, himself, an atheist.

4/22/2011 4:23:28 AM

bluejaysfan

Evolution has nothing to do with the Nazis, asswipe.

4/22/2011 4:46:50 AM

The_L

-_- Please tell me this is not the real Brad Pitt--I already thought he was overrated anyway.

4/22/2011 4:57:10 AM

Doctor Whom

It just goes to show:

1. Faith is neither necessary nor sufficient for morality.

2. After all these millennia, faith's strongest argument is still the appeal to force.

4/22/2011 4:57:18 AM

John_in_Oz

Everyone's entitled to their masturbatory fantasies, but I hope you washed your hands afterward.

4/22/2011 5:07:05 AM

dionysus

Because a bunch of professors who peacefully disagree with you are totally the same thing as Nazis who killed 6 million people. And by the way, despite what your fucked up religion thinks holding someone under duress makes any and all confessions entirely meaningless. I'll claim to be Mary Queen of Scots if someone holding a gun to my head says I am. Not that I'd expect someone who probably uses Pascal's Wager to convert people to understand the difference between a genuine admission and a coerced one. Finally, I wanted to say that you're more like a dictator than any professor as many dictators are also anti-intellectual and will kill those that support different ideas.

4/22/2011 5:09:56 AM

nightshadequeen

It wasn't Brad Pitt - it was someone using the stupid moniker of "Bad Pitt"

4/22/2011 5:15:47 AM

nazani14

I really hope PZ Myers is sharing this one's name with the FBI, and forwarding this post to biology departments within 200 miles of where this creep lives.

4/22/2011 5:16:01 AM

Mintywolf

@ The_L

Brad Pitt the actor is an atheist, the name was actually 'BAD Pitt', but got typoed I guess.

Also, having seen Fight Club I'm gonna have to disagree vehemently with ya, but that's neither here nor there :3

4/22/2011 5:25:18 AM
1 2 3 4 5