Felis >:3

Fundamentalist Christian | Imbecile

Have I got the right idea?

5/3/2011 5:24:07 AM

Mister Spak

Andy Shlafly|complete retard

5/3/2011 5:25:46 AM

Felis >:3

Mister Spak | Very right

5/3/2011 5:30:56 AM

TB Tabby

Founders | Dead White Men

The ironic thing about this one is that conservatives were bitching about "political correctness gone mad" because schools started using "Founders" instead of "Founding Fathers."

God bless you, Bless you | Gesundheit
Jesus! | Gee whiz!

The first one is just the German version of that phrase, and the second was invented by Christians who thought it was sinful to use the Lord's name in vain.

Possessed | Crazy

Demons can be stopped with therapy and medication, it seems.

Mankind | Humankind

According to Conservapedia, women aren't people.

Heresy | Scientific theory

Sounds like we have the next contestant for my favorite game show.

5/3/2011 5:33:26 AM

TheCrimsonHeart

What?! WHAT?!!

5/3/2011 5:36:03 AM

Doctor Whom

This is the guy who tried to rewrite the Bible because the KJV was too liberal for him.

5/3/2011 5:43:39 AM

Raised by Horses

Normal language | Fundie language

Delusional | Religious
Senile | Pope
Indoctrination | Sunday School
Fossils | Devil Poop
Atheist | Muslim
Secular | Gay
Irreligious | Dark-sided™
Obsessed with homosexuality | Evangelical
Unsubstantiated nonsense | Biblical
Sex | Sin
My opinion | God's truth
Buddhist | Muslim
Black | Muslim
Obama | Muslim
Socialist | Muslim
Muslim | Commie

Hey, this is fun!

5/3/2011 5:47:24 AM

Etiene

What's wrong with pregnant? Get a life, Assfly. Or better yet, an education. And please listen this time out.

5/3/2011 5:47:40 AM

Myron T. Philpot

Jesus! | Gee whiz!

I wonder what ol' Andy would've done with the "JESUS H. MOTHER FUCKING CHRIST" I screamed on Saturday as I racked my knuckles changing the thermostat in my BMW. Oh, wait... non-believers don't mention God or Jesus according to Andy; they talk like Ned Flanders. I must have actually cried "ding dong diddly dagnabit" but heard the former blasphemy in my head. Or I must be a believer after all and I just didn't know it!

Heresy | Scientific theory

Since his background in electrical engineering (like myself), ol' Andy's got some huevos to challenge the scientific theories and principles I know he studied at one time. Since it cannot be seen, I'm sure the church back in the day would have looked upon electricity as a bizzare, mysterious oddity that's borderline heresy. Or at least they would have dismissed it as impractical altogether.

5/3/2011 5:48:57 AM

PWEOTWEB

Aww, poor Assfly is pissed that fewer and fewer people are taking his religion seriously nowadays.

Your tears nourish me, you theocratic douche.

5/3/2011 6:00:24 AM

Skater12

Heresy | Scientific theory

Did Philip Pullman sneak that one in? "Anbaric"(electric) current is one of the "heresies" sneakily used by the Church in His Dark Materials to torture dissenters.

5/3/2011 6:03:45 AM

Drax

Easter was known as Easter long before the USA existed. Halloween is just a contraction.

Some of the others really sum up the fundie mindset, especially "Heresy | Scientific theory" and "Heathen | Multicultural." Really drives home how these people view the world.

5/3/2011 6:08:50 AM

Tempus

Republican | Dominionist

Family Values | Theocracy

5/3/2011 6:23:02 AM

Doubting Thomas

Jesus! | Gee whiz!

Does this mean that Wally and the Beaver were atheists?

Anti-life | Pro-choice

Shouldn't that be Anti-life | Pro-death-penalty?

Heresy | Scientific theory

I automatically thought of "Planet of the Apes" when I read this one, picturing Andy as Dr. Zaius.

Possessed | Crazy

Does Andy really believe in demonic possession? Then he's more possessed than I ever thought he was.

Christian Name | Given Name

Hey dipshit, not everyone is Christian.

5/3/2011 6:23:05 AM

nutbunny

Mary Mary quite contrary

5/3/2011 6:24:43 AM

JohnTheAtheist

lol @ Mister Spak. Well played, sir.

5/3/2011 6:24:58 AM

GigaGuess

Godspeed | Be good
Actually, I think "Take care" would be more appropriate here.

All Hallow's Eve | Halloween
So...a corrupted version of a name is bad now?

Resurrection Sunday | Easter
I have never, ever, ever heard Easter referred to as Resurrection Sunday. Mostly because the Christians co-opted Easter in the first place.

Thanksgiving | Turkey Day
The concept of humor and facetiousness is lost on you, isn't it.

God bless you, Bless you | Gesundheit
Is pretty much German for "Bless You," but I understand. If it ain't English, it's evil, right?

Jesus! | Gee whiz!
But if we say "Jesus!" you guys get your panties in a twist for using your Lord's name in vain! Care to make up your mind?

Abomination | Mistake
No, more like "archaic concept that only gets applied when you agree." Had any bacon lately...?

Abortion | Birth control
Well if you'd let us teach PROPER birth control, that wouldn't be the case.

Anti-Christian bigotry | Separation of church and state
Ah, so it's "Anti-Christian Bigotry" to not allow you to turn the country into a Theocracy rivaling Iran?

Anti-life | Pro-choice
Which is why Pro-Choicers never, ever have kids. And why when a woman has an abortion, she never has any children either. And they stalk pregnant women in dark alleys, armed with coathangers. Or maybe they just know their child will be born with a debilitating disease, with no chance at a reasonable life, if even a long one. Or they can't afford to raise the child. Or they can't care for it properly.

Founders | Dead White Men
Nah. It's "A group of men who saw the damage religion in a place of power could do, and wanted to ensure it never happened here."

Heathen | Multicultural
White is right. Gotcha. Hey, you dropped your hood and bedsheet.

Heavenly | Beautiful
Yeah, because someone doesn't say a woman is "heavenly" means they want to stick it to the Christians. Are you really this arrogant?

Heresy | Scientific theory
Awww...science is proving your book wrong, so they should shut up? Tough titties. If your religion can't stand the litmus test, it's not the fault of science.

Mankind | Humankind
Saying women are people too?! SHAMEFUL!

Possessed | Crazy
Meds work. Exorcisms don't. I know which side I believe.

Pro-abortion | Pro-choice
Yeah, Pro-Choicers say everyone should abort, no exceptions. Or maybe they see it as, at best, a necessary evil, one we'd rather not see employed, but are not so naive as to believe that it will not be needed, and that if it' illegal, that it'll go away. All that'll happen is the amount of illegal abortions will rise, and the number of women dying as a result will also climb. but then, I guess the bitches will get what's coming, right?

Sex before marriage | Liberated
Actually, I prefer "None of your fucking business."

Sin | Crime
No, more like "Archaic concept, used to shame people into submission." Seriously. Define sin clearly for me.

Soul | Spirit
Fuck, I know CHRISTIANS that use Spirit.

With child | Pregnant
Pregnant is the medically accepted term. Deal.

Christian Name | Given Name
Oh, seriously...?

5/3/2011 6:26:18 AM

TakoTaco

Abortion | Birth control

You got it all wrong, fucktard. If you wanted both of them to be in your article, you should've split them up.

Abortion | Last resort
*"Waste of sacred, life-giving semen" | Birth control

* Okay, fundie version, not original


Possessed | Crazy

Okay guys, no more calling Schlafly crazy! It's evil and secularised, and he shall hereon forth be referred to as a possessed bastard.

5/3/2011 6:27:41 AM

Horsefeathers

"Heathen | Multicultural"

Seriously?

"Heresy | Scientific theory"

Seriously?

You people are fucking goofy.

5/3/2011 6:28:11 AM

Anky

You're an idiot and paranoid.

Scientific theory doesn't mean heresy. It means scientific theory. Read a book.

I read the full list. One not mentioned here is harlot --> slut. yes, I can see how that's an improvement

5/3/2011 6:30:04 AM

Raised by Horses

Also, 'Godspeed' means 'good luck', not 'be good'.

5/3/2011 6:34:35 AM

Scorpius

Just when you think they couldn't get anymore stupid,they do. Bloody fucking hell.

5/3/2011 6:40:08 AM

dionysus

Gee-whiz! If we would have known such a mistake of Humankind (as you are) would have been born we'd have told your mother to have a birth control. Now I'm not pro-choice but in your case it would have been beautiful. No more would we have to listen to you pissing all over everything that the Dead White Men stood for. Please do not have liberated or any sex at all for that matter; it'd be a crime against nature.

5/3/2011 6:41:09 AM

Allegory for Jesus

What pathetic little men. Only nerds say godspeed, not super Christians. Halloween and Easter are the official names for the holidays. Saying "geez" instead of Jebus is to protect religious sensibilities of using Jebus's spcial wittle name without a permit (or something like that). Birth control is more than abortion. Separation of church and state applies to more than just Christians. Christians are anti-life, with life having little to do with the abortion debate. Dead White Men is a tongue in cheek term that refers to pretty much any historical figure that fits the bill. Heavenly is too much of a compliment to be a practical replacement for beautiful. Being multicultural is being accepting of multiple cultures, and only the most frothingly mad of the fundamentalists believe that accepting others makes you not a true Christian. Saying humankind is being inclusive of women, which is again something only those with a 1st century mindset would oppose. If a scientific theory happens to be heretical, that's a problem for the religion in question, not the theory. Similarly: Demons have ceased to be an explanation of mental illness for at least a century. Sin has more metaphysical baggage to it then the word crime. Both soul and spirit are used interchangably by Christians as well. And not everyone with a given name is Christian.

Conservapedia is plumbing the depths of Republican Christian stupidity. And that's pretty damn deep.

5/3/2011 6:52:56 AM

Anon-e-moose

Andy Schaftafly | Subhuman Cuntbag

Phyllis Schaftafly | Dessiccated Harpy

FSTDT | Superior

Mister Spak | Wins Internet

My, this is a fun game!

5/3/2011 6:56:38 AM