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Quote# 81606

[A blogger's letter to Satan]

I've had so much exposure to you and your antics lately. But you will not steal my joy. You absolutely will not kill, steal from, or destroy me or my family. The Lord God is on His throne, and you will never succeed in causing His plans to go awry. I know you know that. I love that you know that.

You think you are getting to me, but all the harm you seek to do me really only makes me stronger. Do you know that? You are driving me to Jesus! Keep devising your evil schemes if you must...I'll cling to Jesus all the more. The deeper I go with Him, the more absurdly stupid you look. Yes, you've caused us pain, but guess what? God Almighty is in control, and He's turning it all to good! So take that!

You might strike me down, perplex me, or trouble me...maybe you'll discourage me or make me feel stupid and unqualified...you will most certainly continue to hound me with incessant distraction and drop countless obstacles in my path...but my God will pick me up, dust me off, and help me stand again after each and every battle. So get ready because I'm not giving up. I take it as a compliment that you won't leave me alone. I must be a threat to you! I pray so. I pray so in the name of Jesus. Yes, JESUS!! Are you trembling? I know you are....

By the way, get out of my house, and stay out in the name of JESUS. Leave my kids alone, in the name of JESUS. I have my armor on and I'm ready to do battle. I reclaim the Peace that passes understanding. I plead the blood of JESUS over my mind and my thoughts...I plead the blood of JESUS over my children's futures, and I plead the blood of JESUS over my home and my property. I know you have to leave now! Ha!

Hate me all you want. Hate my kids, even. You should, because they are going to do mighty things for their Lord Jesus Christ. I realize you'll keep assigning all your ridiculous demons to attack us and try to deter us. But it won't work, because we have authority over you through the Blood of Jesus. Oops! I mentioned the Blood again! Scared? You should be. You are defeated, loser, and your days are numbered. You remember that day at the cross, don't you? My Jesus shed His blood for me. I am His, and He is mine...and you lose.

Jesus is Lord! I know you hate to hear that because it's the truth! His light illuminates and eliminates your darkness at all times and in every situation. I will overcome you, by the Blood of the Lamb and the word of my testimony.

Get thee behind me, Satan, in the name of JESUS!

Amy, Revelife 88 Comments [5/30/2011 11:53:03 AM]
Fundie Index: 49
WTF?! || meh
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M

Eh, not really crazy-fundie. A little dumb, but not insane.

5/30/2011 11:54:57 AM

solomongrundy

Er, exactly why should I believe that a (presumably) adult woman bad-mouthing the imagined arch-enemy of her imaginary friend isn't insane?

5/30/2011 12:03:53 PM

Tim

I really, REALLY hope she's dictating this to nobody as she acts it out with some action figures.

5/30/2011 12:07:53 PM

StoneSpiral

Who wants to bet this chick has a closeted kid who is either atheist, pagan or gay?

5/30/2011 12:15:14 PM

Mr. Nnamdi

Holy shit *laughing*. Goddamn, this made my day.

5/30/2011 12:20:43 PM

SpukiKitty

Y'know, there's that letter to Voldemort I've been meaning to write....

5/30/2011 12:22:03 PM

Street Sharks

"You are defeated, loser,"

This whole thing is epic but this was my favorite line.

5/30/2011 12:29:21 PM

Old Viking

"Oh, and stop leaving the door open. We have to look all over the neighborhood for our cat."

5/30/2011 12:42:48 PM

Phloom

Not crazy-fundie? What did it for me was all the blood of Jesus all over the place. Very crazy-fundie with a blood fetish or haemotolangia.

5/30/2011 12:45:56 PM

HectorF

It's a little weird, but after reading this line

"You might strike me down, perplex me, or trouble me...maybe you'll discourage me or make me feel stupid and unqualified..."

I think it's more of a way for Amy to deal with her negative feelings and issues, and maybe pump herself up.

Not that fundie, IMO.

5/30/2011 12:54:07 PM

AuraTwilight

Not actually all that crazy. Hypothetically, a person could believe all that and still live congruent with reality. Moderate Christians do believe in an extant Satan figure and that he can be repelled by invoking Christ.

5/30/2011 12:54:55 PM

Xotan

'I've had so much exposure to you and your antics lately.'

---Lady, you should put some clothes on and stop tempting the debbil.


'You absolutely will not kill, steal from, or destroy me or my family. The Lord God is on His throne'

---Remind me now, what was it the Lord Your God did with Job and his family?

'but all the harm you seek to do me really only makes me stronger.'


--- That's why you are moaning here?Do you know that?

'You are driving me to Jesus!'

---I never knew Satan had a car! Are his chauffeuring rates good?


'Keep devising your evil schemes.. I'll cling to Jesus all the more. The deeper I go with Him, the more absurdly stupid you look.'

--- Is it just me, or does this sound rather erotic?

'Yes, you've caused us pain, but God Almighty is in control, and He's turning it all to good!'

--- I am again reminded of what happened to Job and his wife and family.

'get out of my house, and stay out in the name of JESUS. Leave my kids alone, in the name of JESUS.'

--- Again, Job.

'I have my armor on and I'm ready to do battle.

--- Armour on a woman! Today is the anniversary of the buirning of Joan of Arc for wearing armour and men's clothes!

'I plead the blood of JESUS over my mind and my thoughts...etc'

---Sounds like a might potent spell. Worthy of Harry Potter.

'But... we have... the Blood of Jesus.

--- Vampires?

'Get thee behind me, Satan, in the name of JESUS!'

--- Again a tad erotic.

All I can say is this Amy is strong on the batshit.


5/30/2011 12:56:31 PM

Lucilius

We are spectators as an already feeble mind descends into madness.

5/30/2011 1:05:07 PM

NoriMori

@AuraTwilight

"Not actually all that crazy. Hypothetically, a person could believe all that and still live congruent with reality."

That doesn't mean it's not fundie.

5/30/2011 1:06:18 PM

WWWWolf

You didn't rebuke Homosexuality and Abortion in the name of Small Government and No Taxation! That was a colossal mistake! Satan has no fear of you now!

5/30/2011 1:17:33 PM

Denizen

Wait, alternately she says that she wants Satan to stop bothering her, and also that Satan bothering her is desirable because it makes her stronger. Which is it?

5/30/2011 1:28:31 PM

NoriMori

@Denizen, I think she's trying to invoke a kind of "Heads I win, tails you lose" situation. It's like, "I want you to stop bothering me, but even if you don't I'll still come out ahead, so you may as well stop to begin with." This interpretation doesn't make it any less crazy though.

5/30/2011 1:35:27 PM

Fanatic-Templar

And you feel the need to write this on the internet why? Will Satan not hear you unless you claim it publicly? Or is it that lacking a response from your god you at least want a response from fellow Christians?

5/30/2011 1:36:53 PM



Amy, I think you'll find it more productive, in the end, to work on yourself rather than blame an evil entity for your own "sinful" behavior and lack of self-control.

5/30/2011 1:46:54 PM

sATAN

You've been having Bad Thoughts again, haven't you, Amy?

5/30/2011 1:48:22 PM



Put not the Lord thy God, nor his servants to the test woman.

God will not shield you from your own temptations, nor your pride. Do not use Him as your substitute for the will you were given.

5/30/2011 2:01:49 PM

WhenInRome

@The guy above me:
It's kind of hard to shield people from temptations and pride when you don't exist.

5/30/2011 2:14:11 PM

Porky Pine

I fell asleep half-way through.

5/30/2011 2:26:41 PM

JesusWouldFacepalm

I have to applaud this person for being so dedicated. She clearly has the heart if a fighter and a determinator, and I respect that. Not once in this letter did she get specific on how Satan was attacking anything, no reference to "teh gay" or "evul liberuls" or anything like that. Yes, I think she's wrong in blaming a fictional creature, but let me remind you that to Christians, Satan is very, VERY real and should be addressed as such.

Final words: Bravo! Very passionate and inspirational, even if what you're actually SAYING is ridiculous to me. If you're reading this, Amy, then take my advice: Write a screenplay for a dramatic action movie. You can give it a Christian theme if you want, just don't go overboard with it. Have it take place in a setting where Satanism (SPECIFICALLY Hollywood devil worship) is the dominant religion and have your main character find the path to God somewhere along the story. Finally, put this monologue (possibly slightly revised) into the climatic final battle against Satan himself in your movie. You've got something here, don't let it go to waste!

5/30/2011 2:26:59 PM

Raymond Luxury Yacht

She's out of her gourd.

5/30/2011 2:45:05 PM
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