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Quote# 82098

[Describing his time spent as a Satanist before converting to Christianity]

Now the period of my testing had come. I was sent to a valley about 200 metres deep. In it were assorted dangerous reptiles and wild beasts. These were to torture me. I was not to shout, for if I did, I have failed the exam and the consequence was DEATH. After seven days of agony I was brought out and sent to a place called ‘INDIA JUNGLE’.

In this jungle, I saw different types of demonic birds ; demonic because some had faces like dogs, some like cats, etc. Yet with wings. Inside this jungle was a cave, and this cave is only opened by these demonic birds. They opened the cave and I went inside. The things I saw are hard to explain. There were terrible creatures, some looked like human beings but with tails and without human faces, etc. This was another place of torture. The torture there could best be described as semi-hell. I was in that state for 7 days and was brought out.

I was then sent to a very big library that contained large volumes of mystic books to study. I later picked two books : Abbysinia, which means destruction, and Assina, which means giving life or curing. Later I was given more books. I was instructed to build a chamber as soon as I return to Nigeria with the following things in it : “A native water pot filled with human blood, a living tree inside, a human skull, vulture feathers, wild animal skins, boa skin and a big shiny laterites beside the pot.” The blood inside the water pot is to be taken every morning with an incantation. I was also instructed never to eat any food cooked by HUMANS but that I would be fed supernaturally. With all these instructions I came back to Nigeria the same way I went, and fulfilled all.

Emmanuel Eni, Insights of God 73 Comments [6/30/2011 3:15:38 AM]
Fundie Index: 65
WTF?! || meh
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Argle Bargle

Every time a fundie says they are ex-anything, they're lying. This is one of the more obvious examples.

6/30/2011 3:18:22 AM

Creedence Leonore Gielgud

Psst! You're about 20 years or so too late for the Satanic Panic, and warning parents of the dangers of letting their kids listening to shitty hair metal.

"I was then sent to a very big library that contained large volumes of mystic books to study."

At least Satanists encourage reading I guess.

6/30/2011 3:35:07 AM

David B.

Yeah, and I once rode on the back of a pink unicorn to the centre of the universe where the creator of all things sat on a couch that was a hundred light-years across and shaped like a pair of boobs. And this almighty being, whose name was 'Graham', spoke to me in a voice that shook the nearby galaxies. And he told me you were full of sh**!

6/30/2011 3:47:09 AM

KittyKaboom

Looks like someone dropped the brown acid.

6/30/2011 4:27:29 AM



Who in their rational mind would find any of this worth investing time and effort?! I mean, who really does this shit?!

6/30/2011 4:34:12 AM



Isn't Abbysinia the old name for ethiopia?

6/30/2011 4:50:42 AM

Meisha

Wow, this person has great powers of delusion.

6/30/2011 4:59:08 AM

arctic knight

I had a dream like that, only in my dream, I went into the cave and saw a dark figure approach me. I then cut of its head with my light saber and it's mask exploded revealing my own face inside and......oh wait.....

6/30/2011 5:10:32 AM

awitch

I wouldn't be surprised if "India Jungle" was a ride at some amusement park.

6/30/2011 5:11:59 AM

sandchigger

@1304627 Abyssinia is the name for the old Ethiopian Empire, yeah.

6/30/2011 5:31:15 AM

Philbert McAdamia

> demonic birds ; demonic because some had faces like dogs, some like cats, etc. <

Ooh, fundy evolution.


@ David B.,
'Graham'?

That cracker!

6/30/2011 5:43:30 AM

Mister Spak

Were Mario and Luigi involved in this at all?

6/30/2011 5:44:06 AM

David G

If every Christian who claims to have been a satanist had actually been one, satanism would be the world's 3rd largest religion.

6/30/2011 6:21:19 AM

aaa

This is so blatantly utter horseshit that i will mock anyone who falls for this.

6/30/2011 6:35:35 AM

meh

As a half Indian I am somewhat offended that you describe this, "INDIA JUNGLE" as hell.
Thankfully you are a loon. So I can laugh at you.

6/30/2011 6:37:21 AM

pete

Hallucinogens can really fuck with your mind.

6/30/2011 6:46:03 AM

nutbunny

You talk a lot of shit.

I tried being a satanist once. None of that bullshit ever happened to me.

OOOOH you'll be granted power beyond your.....oh shut the fuck up.

6/30/2011 6:51:28 AM

Azathoth's Puppy

I Googled this "INDIA JUNGLE" and the fourth link from the pictures at the top was "The Jungle Book."

Next time you go on an acid trip, aim for the AFRICAN SAVANNA. Timon and Pumbaa would like to share a musical number with you, liar.


6/30/2011 6:54:39 AM

Doubting Thomas

With all these instructions I came back to Nigeria the same way I went, and fulfilled all.

And then I started emailing people trying to find someone who would help me get twenty million USD ($20,000,000) out of the country.

6/30/2011 6:56:20 AM

Brendan Rizzo

As soon as I read the first line I thought this was from Willaim Schnoebelen. These people KNOW that they're lying, so why do they do it? Just to encourage irrational thinking? I know that one argument against Christianity is that the Devil has no motive except to turn people away from God for no reason, but the existence of Schnoebelen, Eni, and others like them really make me think that some people really do act for the evulz.

6/30/2011 7:16:22 AM

Jack Bauer

Yeah, right...

I used to be 1,000 miles tall. I could melt moons with atomic rays that came out of my eyes and I used to eat planets and shit out asteroids. I was made out of pure radiation and used to sleep in a bed made out of suns.

Oh, I just cannot be bothered to continue.

6/30/2011 7:25:20 AM

TGRwulf

Yeah, it's so obvious this dude's lying it's not even funny.

6/30/2011 7:51:08 AM

Pan

Sounds like those were some good drugs.

6/30/2011 7:55:22 AM

GigaGuess

Peyote is a helluva drug.

6/30/2011 7:57:20 AM

Raised by Horses

"I was sent to a valley about 200 metres deep. In it were assorted dangerous reptiles and wild beasts. These were to torture me. I was not to shout, for if I did, I have failed the exam and the consequence was DEATH. After seven days of agony I was brought out and sent to a place called ‘INDIA JUNGLE’."

Okay, but how do you get past the gatekeeper? When I click on the portcullis, my character just shrugs his shoulders and says "I don't know what to do with that."

6/30/2011 8:00:41 AM
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