Quote# 82098

[Describing his time spent as a Satanist before converting to Christianity]

Now the period of my testing had come. I was sent to a valley about 200 metres deep. In it were assorted dangerous reptiles and wild beasts. These were to torture me. I was not to shout, for if I did, I have failed the exam and the consequence was DEATH. After seven days of agony I was brought out and sent to a place called ‘INDIA JUNGLE’.

In this jungle, I saw different types of demonic birds ; demonic because some had faces like dogs, some like cats, etc. Yet with wings. Inside this jungle was a cave, and this cave is only opened by these demonic birds. They opened the cave and I went inside. The things I saw are hard to explain. There were terrible creatures, some looked like human beings but with tails and without human faces, etc. This was another place of torture. The torture there could best be described as semi-hell. I was in that state for 7 days and was brought out.

I was then sent to a very big library that contained large volumes of mystic books to study. I later picked two books : Abbysinia, which means destruction, and Assina, which means giving life or curing. Later I was given more books. I was instructed to build a chamber as soon as I return to Nigeria with the following things in it : “A native water pot filled with human blood, a living tree inside, a human skull, vulture feathers, wild animal skins, boa skin and a big shiny laterites beside the pot.” The blood inside the water pot is to be taken every morning with an incantation. I was also instructed never to eat any food cooked by HUMANS but that I would be fed supernaturally. With all these instructions I came back to Nigeria the same way I went, and fulfilled all.

Emmanuel Eni, Insights of God 73 Comments [6/30/2011 3:15:38 AM]
Fundie Index: 68

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Nigeria.. an entire country that proves Missionaries only manage to screw people up more than they already are. Missionary work convinced an already superstitious people that demons are real, witches are real and gave them the delusion that it was okay to be even more horrible to each other and their own children than they already were.


6/30/2011 8:11:06 AM

@ Jack Bauer

You're Dave Wyndorff ?

6/30/2011 8:26:21 AM

Rebelion Dog

"some looked like human beings but with tails and without human faces, etc."
What does "etc." mean? What else were these critters missing?

6/30/2011 8:26:22 AM

Mrs. Antichrist

Lay off the ketamine...

6/30/2011 8:33:16 AM


This sounds like a Heironymus Bosch painting.

6/30/2011 8:44:43 AM

Jeff Weskamp

Deep Valley
You are in a valley about 200 metres deep. It is filled with assorted dangerous reptiles and wild beasts.

A voice calls out, "Do not shout, for if you do you shall fail the test."

The animals bite and sting you. The pain is enormous


You continue to endure the pain, but you will not be able to do so for much longer.

You have the following spells memorized:
Analges (Creature can no longer feel pain)
Rezrov (Open a locked door or container)
Yomin (Read a creature's mind)


You no longer feel the pain.


India Jungle
You are now in a jungle full of shiny green plants. You see many demonic birds, some with cat faces, others with dog faces.

There is a cave leading north. The demonic birds are blocking it. The path also branches off to the west and northwest.

The demonic birds are thinking that they will only allow those who say "Hail Satan" to enter the cave.


The birds fly away from the cave entrance.


6/30/2011 8:52:28 AM


I saw different types of demonic birds ; demonic because some had faces like dogs, some like cats, etc.

Holy crap! The creationist strawman version of evolution is actually true!

6/30/2011 8:55:16 AM

Comrade Potatovich

The scarce internet records of the late twentieth and early-to-middle twenty-first centuries suggest that the democratic system, so coveted in the earlier history of the country was destroyed and replaced by a quasi-medieval set of beliefs.
One of the probable explanations is a local thermonuclear war between the states due to the growing ideological and political rifts between the so-called "Bible Belt" and the rest of the union.
A lot of the apocrypha of this age bear an uncanny resemblance to medieval religious writings and mid-twentieth century science fiction.

6/30/2011 9:01:27 AM


Pics or it didn't happen!

6/30/2011 9:18:28 AM

Power Skunk

Why do I get the feeling that someone tripped balls, HARD, and stumbled down the street in some redlight district somewhere, and stumbled first into some nightclub for furries, and then into a used book store? By dawn, this fuck was sitting on the curb, twisted out of his gourd, and fully involved in the Thunderbird wine induced mumbleranting of the nearby bum population. Then, juuuust before coming down, he met a street preacher, who fire, brimstoned (and maybe buggered) his ass sore and sober, there on the street corner.
The memory of the preacher was strongest to Emmanuel's drug-addled mind, so it stood out, and the whole bad trip became the post above.

6/30/2011 9:33:12 AM

Abbysinia....I mean "Ibeseeinya" LMAO

6/30/2011 9:40:30 AM


I am amazed.
I wouldn't have believed it possible.
A fantasy writer worse than Stephanie Myers.

6/30/2011 10:56:50 AM

Cool story bro.

6/30/2011 11:01:28 AM


Emmanuel Eni, Lying-Sack-of-Shit for Jesus.
Nothing more to see here.

6/30/2011 11:16:02 AM


acid trip?

6/30/2011 11:51:00 AM



trippy, proselytizing, yet refreshingly original bullshit!

6/30/2011 12:01:12 PM

Big Jilm

Your last sentence was cutoff. I think it was supposed to end with "...45 minutes after the mushrooms"

6/30/2011 12:37:42 PM

Old Viking

Can you use the word Abyssinia in a song lyric?

I can.

"Abyssinia in all the old familiar places ... "

6/30/2011 12:46:31 PM


Yeah....this is bullshit.

6/30/2011 12:47:02 PM


umm wut?

6/30/2011 1:01:20 PM


Sounds like someone needs to lay off the drugs.

6/30/2011 1:10:29 PM

Doctor Fishcake


I have read The Satanic Bible. Based upon that, I'm pretty sure you're full of fucking shit.

6/30/2011 1:23:35 PM


I used to think my teddy bear could talk. Then I turned 4.

6/30/2011 1:41:48 PM


"I was sent to a valley about 200 metres deep. In it were assorted dangerous and wild mushrooms. I was to eat them."

6/30/2011 3:02:23 PM

John Marley

Hey! A Mike Warnke wannabe!

6/30/2011 3:03:48 PM

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