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Quote# 83360

Evolution of WOOD
Can an evolutionist please explain to me how and why WOOD evolved????

FACT: Plants are made of leaves and stems and do not contain any wood.

Evolutionists claim that trees did not evolve for 15 million years after the first plants appeared.

So why did it take so long for wood to evolve why plants would have benefited from having a height advantage over their competitors from the moment they first appeared???


Garvan Elison, http://garvanellison.blogspot.com/ 103 Comments [8/22/2011 3:16:49 AM]
Fundie Index: 145
WTF?! || meh
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nazani14

Wow, his blog is a trove of weirdness, so I'll be back net time I have insomnia. He's an embalmer.

8/22/2011 12:01:07 PM

checkmate

Can an evolutionist please explain to me how and why WOOD evolved?

Similar question:

How can a Boeing 747 Jumbo fly? Can an engineer please explain that to me? I mean, come on, the sucker weighs a couple hundred fucking tons for crying out loud. No-way Jo-sé. It can't fly, any child can see that.

The problem with asking questions straight out like that is that you can get an intelligent and reasonable answer which explains the whole matter very well.

Then you're stuck. Awww, Too bad.

Btw, with so much pr0n on the web, the evolution of a certain amount of wood is easy to explain. ;-)

8/22/2011 12:08:20 PM

TheJebusFire

[FACT: Plants are made of leaves and stems and do not contain any wood. ]

FACT: TREES ARE PLANTS!

8/22/2011 12:24:05 PM

John

He's probably just doing a crude, misunderstood rewrite of something put out by the ICR in response to a recent announcement of the discovery of a 400 million year old wood fossil (15 million years older than the oldest known tree), suggesting it was for improved water transport rather than structural support. The ICR article made a bit more sense, but still contained silly gems like "In the real world, problems never produce their own solutions. Rather, solutions are always purposefully engineered by intelligent problem-solvers." I guess the engineers at DuPont went into the DNA of bacteria in their holding ponds and changed it to digest nylon chemicals ...

8/22/2011 12:40:28 PM

solomongrundy

Did the wood of the original trees God created in the Garden of Eden have annual growth rings? Evidence of a past that had never existed? Did God lie?

Incidentally, fungi are not plants (they have no chlorophyll and cannot photosynthesise), nor are they animals. Which day of Creation were they created on?

When you've answered that there are protists and prokaryotes to deal with...

8/22/2011 12:45:44 PM

His4Life

@The Jamo

The origin of the erection is in Original Sin. Before the Fall, if Adam and Eve got around to procreating, they would have done so without an erection and without pleasure. But now procreation has been corrupted, and people even perform the action with no intent of making babies. But the deed is always sinful which is why we need Jesus.

8/22/2011 1:29:47 PM

checkmate

@His4Life

But now procreation has been corrupted, and people even perform the action with no intent of making babies. But the deed is always sinful which is why we need Jesus.

If I wasn't laughing so hard, I'd feel sorry for you.

8/22/2011 1:42:50 PM

John

@His4Life: Before the Fall, if Adam and Eve got around to procreating, they would have done so without an erection and without pleasure.

He's right! Here it is:

"And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: thy member shall stiffen; in pleasure shalt thou poke thy wife with it all the days of thy life" (Gen. 3:17, The Authorized "Pull-It-Out-of-Your-Butt" version)

I guess if the Bible has God rewarding mankind for torturing His son to death, it makes sense that it should have Him punishing mankind by giving us orgasms ...

8/22/2011 1:58:11 PM



You never understood the concept of organic material?

8/22/2011 2:24:45 PM



Leaves and stems differ from wood only in water content and chlorophyll, they are all made of cellulose. There is no point in the trunk maintaining a high amount of chlorophyll when it's not directly involved in photosynthesis.
A tree does not stop being a plant when it loses its leaves during winter.

Plants are defined as any living organism capable of photosynthesis. The first plants are aquatic in nature due to the scarcity of water on land (and also prokaryotes).

8/22/2011 3:11:32 PM



There is unrest in the forest,
There is trouble with the trees,
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas.

The trouble with the maples,
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light.
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made.
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade.

There is trouble in the forest,
And the creatures all have fled,
As the maples scream "Oppression!"
And the oaks just shake their heads

So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights.
"The oaks are just too greedy;
We will make them give us light."
Now there's no more oak oppression,
For they passed a noble law,
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe, and saw.

8/22/2011 3:12:10 PM

Fawful has seen God has a vagina on top of his penis

"Evolution of WOOD
Can an evolutionist please explain to me how and why WOOD evolved????"

Lemme put this in another perspective:

"Evolution of SKIN
Can a creationist explain how and why SKIN evolved????"

See how stupid that sounds now?

8/22/2011 4:11:16 PM

Evilution Teacher

too much botany fail to even try . . .

Edit: @David B. - primary research? that's just insane!

Edit part 2: His4Life, welcome back! Haven't seen you in awhile.

8/22/2011 4:59:18 PM

John

The origin of the erection is in Original Sin.

Lends new meaning to the "evolution of wood" ...

8/22/2011 5:57:04 PM

Karana

"FACT: Plants are made of leaves and stems and do not contain any wood."

So trees and shrubs arn't plants now?

Wood is plant material.The wood IS the plant.Wood is simply hardened xylem of the plant.
Holy shit I can't handle the stupidity sometimes...



8/22/2011 6:30:38 PM

moose

Lets see.... I guess wood had to evolve so that your madjick sky ghost could have something to be hanged on so as to make a religion. Be glad of the evolution of wood. Otherwise, you would not have your crosses.

@ his for life.
Oh dear....you really believe that...
Ok. So...if it is sinful, then why do christinsanes do it? From your comment it seemed as though sin is A OK because jeebus is there for that. Or is he goal to not sin at all...???

8/22/2011 7:39:45 PM

NoGodsEver

Garvan Ellison, Male Prostitute!

8/22/2011 7:49:22 PM

Radicals

*facepalm*

8/22/2011 8:03:35 PM

D Laurier

Well lets start by establishing the fct that your "evolutionist" does not exist.
Then we can move along to defining what "wood" is.

Wood is a tough plant fiber.
It is part of the structure known as the "stem" in plants called "trees".

Again your "evolutionists" do not exist.

Because you are a blithering idiot.

8/22/2011 8:08:24 PM

dionysus

@His4Life

Before the Fall, if Adam and Eve got around to procreating, they would have done so without an erection

Err, how? It'd be hard as fuck (puns DEFINITELY not intended) getting the damn thing inside. Since you're not a man you clearly have no idea how difficult it is getting a flaccid penis inside of a vagina (I tried to go in for seconds way too soon).

and without pleasure.

1) That must have absolutely sucked (damn, I'm seriously not trying to use these puns).
2) Then why the hell are there so many nerve ending there? And why do other animals also feel pleasure during sex?

But now procreation has been corrupted, and people even perform the action with no intent of making babies. But the deed is always sinful which is why we need Jesus.

Fundamentalist Christianity in a nutshell: "somewhere, someone is having fun and I don't like it". Preventing pleasure is a disturbingly strong obsession for fundies, it's like your only goal in life is to make life miserable for everyone.

8/22/2011 8:52:39 PM

Mrs. Antichrist

I'd answer the question, but it would go over your head.

8/22/2011 9:08:19 PM

CleverScreenName

What is this I don't even.

8/23/2011 1:32:51 AM

Tolpuddle Martyr

Explain THAT, I can't even comprehend it...oh you can...STOP PERSECUTING MEEEEEE!!!

8/23/2011 2:01:54 AM

Mithras

Stop approving quotes from obvious Poe sites. This is one.

8/23/2011 3:10:39 AM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

"The origin of the erection is in Original Sin. Before the Fall, if Adam and Eve got around to procreating, they would have done so without an erection and without pleasure. But now procreation has been corrupted, and people even perform the action with no intent of making babies. But the deed is always sinful which is why we need Jesus."

Dang! When I read the above, I laughed like hell, and I didn't even notice that this was from his4life until I saw the response that followed. I just thought it was a really good parody of a mind-fucked fundy posted by one of our regular smart-ass FSTDTers.

Could it be that his4life is actually a POE, rather than just a troll? Or, could it be that one of our fellow smart asses actually posted under her name?

Whatever, it's still ridiculous ... and therefore amusing.

8/23/2011 4:53:12 AM
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