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Why don't you just admit that you want the bible to say stuff like: "Punch atheists", or "Enslave women!"
Or this whole thing is just for a practical joke:
"Hey, Mitchell is stupid! It's in the bible!"
"No, it's not!"
"Yes it is! Look it up! Deutoronomy 3:45!"
"By golly, who'd a thunk! It say right there: 'An yay behold, Mitchell Dunkins, of San Diego, California, born on 5 of November 1973, is stupid and has a dummy face!' Well, if the bible says so, it MUST be true!"
10/27/2011 11:53:08 AM
Do you live next to an oil refinery and get your drinking water from a well on your property?
If so, you might want to get that checked, and it would explain a lot.
10/27/2011 12:00:24 PM
This would explain the whole problem with Andy's "translation"
"How do I go about helping out? -JasoT 00:45, 2 August 2010 (EDT)
Pick any verse of the Bible you like, and either improve the translation that is there or propose a translation if it has not been done yet. I look forward to learning from your edits.--Andy Schlafly 00:56, 2 August 2010 (EDT) "
10/27/2011 12:06:46 PM
I wonder if teh assfly would translate other books into American Republican Spot-on English?
10/27/2011 12:25:20 PM
I don't get why a biblical literalist wants to rewrite the Bible.
10/27/2011 12:25:26 PM
Because he won't have to answer annoying questions about crayfish and slavery and women as chattel property and all that
10/27/2011 12:29:44 PM
I Read About The Afterlife
What? You mean some amateur with software is better than an expert? You're fucking retarded.
10/27/2011 1:00:33 PM
>>The Greek and Hebrew languages are well understood and readily available to any internet user. In this electronic age a laptop and a browser are superior to (and fast than) the finest Greek/Hebrew scholar.<<
"Adding to the more obvious fail in this statement, Schlafly isn't even giving the right languages for the Bible. The original texts were written in what we call Biblical Hebrew, Koine Greek, and Biblical Aramaic - and Jesus spoke primarily Aramaic, so even the oldest Koine Greek texts are already translations of whatever he actually said.
Schlafly's Argument Is Invalid"
As with the dialogue in his film "Apocalypto" in Yucatec Mayan (as near as dammit to actual ancient Mayan), there's a good reason why Mel Gibson made his film "The Passion of the Christ" in Aramaic, Andy Schaftafly.
Else, he - as a devout Roman Catholic - would have had it's full dialogue in Latin.
But I guess the word 'Authenticity' is an alien concept to Andy here. After all, The KJV - so beloved of fundies - is just another rewrite, that's all.
It's only the Complete Works of Shakespeare in Klingon that gains something in the translation.
'You have never experienced Shakespeare, until you have read him in the original Klingon'
-Chancellor Gorkon (David Warner)
'taH pagh taHbe'
-General Chang (Christopher Plummer), "Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country"
10/27/2011 1:05:20 PM
Seriously? Please, just stop. There is no way the KJB has "liberal bias".
10/27/2011 1:50:30 PM
This is Andy:
Ironically he's wearing a blue collar and a red tie.
OMG, do I detect a pinko commie liberal bias in his clothing?
10/27/2011 1:58:13 PM
Atomic Flamethrowing Vagina
No. Andy Schlafly is an IRL troll. He just has to be. There is no way someone is this stupid.
10/27/2011 2:06:01 PM
What a clusterfuck....
Seriously, every sentence and point fails badly. Like the part where he says an amateur with software and connection to the internet is just as good as a knowledgeable scholar. That this has something to due with Borders going bankrupt. Or where we says we must protect the Bible from atheistic/liberal bias that creeps into the language. Or that an engineer doesn't need to know trig to build a bridge. JESUS CHRIST!!!
10/27/2011 2:20:24 PM
As a former ancient Greek scholar, all I think I can say about such an asinine statement is:
HAH! HAHAHAH! MHAHAHAHAH!
10/27/2011 2:27:45 PM
That is the most wonderfully witless observation if have read during a long life.
10/27/2011 2:41:05 PM
Night Jaguar"The objection to the Conservative Bible Project is like saying an engineer should not try to build a bridge unless he first becomes a master in trigonometry."
Actually, this is a good analogy. Your failure is in (ironically) interpreting the analogy correctly (hint: you need math to build bridges).
_ _ _
Also, just take a look at the math in this article:
Euler–Bernoulli beam equation
(aka, engineer's beam theory)
"Bridges and buildings continued to be designed by precedent until the late 19th century, when the Eiffel Tower and Ferris wheel demonstrated the validity of the theory on large scales."
Trig would have been one of the mathematical subjects I'd expect an engineer to have mastered in order to fully understand the math behind the theory (hell, it would have been one of the simpler subjects). And this is considered "classical beam theory".
10/27/2011 2:59:32 PM
What if I pick a few verses out of that King James version you fundies worship so much?
10/27/2011 3:18:30 PM
No, but hyperbolic functions, which DO relate to bridge building, are related to trigonometry. Analogy fail!
10/27/2011 3:19:38 PM
Okay, it's official: Andy Schlafly, homeschool teacher, does not understand trigonometry.
10/27/2011 5:20:48 PM
If I reedited a Bible, I'd take out the "Bad Stuff" & keep the "Good Stuff".
Vengeful Monster God, GONE.
Loving Parental God, STAYS.
Or perhaps I wouldn't cut out stuff but instead, change the wording. Monster God with be refered to as The Demiurge while the Loving God will be, well, God. When Biblical heroes do, teach, or say something deranged, it'll say something like "The Demiurge entered Moses/Joshua/etc. and he said, did, etc....". I'd add the Gnostic scriptures & readapt them to a Liberal Judeo-Christian mindset rather than the oft world-hating traditional Gnostic fashion.
I always thought that Gnostic Christianity & Regular Christianity are two sides of the same coin. Like a puzzle, you need the whole picture to get it right. As a result, when both are followed separately you get a weird Anti-World/Matter weird-fest with the Gnostic & a Big Dang Scary God of Patriarchal Bombast with the regular Bible.
Left Brain/Right Brain, Yin/Yang, Anima/Animus, East/West, Esoteric/Exoteric, Female/Male, ChristoGnostic/Catholic, Sufi/Muslim, Kabbalah/Judaism....makes sense. Balance....and little opportunity for Fundie thinking. Actually, Sufi & Kabbalah should be regarded as Gnosticism as well. "Gnostic" is an umbrella term. Perhaps the Christian variety should be called "LogoSophian" or something. All of these faiths should accept the Demiurge concept, IMHO...it would explain so much why the Higher Power comes across as Pol Pot rather than a loving Mom & Dad who care for us. God would be Godde & an androgyne. Godde, our Mother-Father.
The Demiurge could simply be called AntiGodde. Godde/AntiGodde, Christ/AntiChrist...makes sense.
10/27/2011 5:27:17 PM
Ah, Conservative Bible Project. How I've missed thee...
10/27/2011 5:59:22 PM
In this electronic age a laptop and a browser are superior to (and fast than) the finest Greek/Hebrew scholar.
I'm reminded of the early computer translator that was asked to translate "out of sight, out of mind" into Russian. When the Russian was re-translated into English, it came back "blind and insane".
I wonder what Andy's crew will do with John 3:3-5:
"Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God. Nicodemus saith unto him, How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter the second time into his mother's womb, and be born? Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and [of] the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God."
The word translated as "again" is "anothen", which actually has two meanings: "from above or from heaven", and "anew". Nicodemus misinterprets Jesus and thinks he means the second meaning. Jesus corrects him and indicates he means the first. The problem is, this error can't happen in English, because we have no one word that has both meanings; so it's impossible to translate Jesus' initial statement correctly without making Nicodemus sound like a moron. But since Jesus and Nicodemus were both Jews, they were almost certainly speaking Aramaic, which also has no one word with both meanings. Therefore, this misunderstanding would have been impossible and the whole story was probably baloney made up after the fact.
10/27/2011 6:12:53 PM
Translation software occasionally produces word salad even when translating between closely related languages like English and Dutch. Ancient Greek is very distantly related to Modern English, and Hebrew isn't related to English at all, not even distantly, so good luck with that.
10/27/2011 7:20:06 PM
Actually I ran this through good old Google Translate (which is certainly better than that Babelfish crap) and it returned me this:
"The Greek and Hebrew languages ??are well understood and readily available to all users on the Internet. In this electronic age, a laptop and a browser are superior (and faster) than the best Greek / Hebrew scholar. Some may wince at this point, but it's the same reason that sales fell Encyclopedia Britannica and the border has gone bankrupt."
He has got a point. Great automatic translation is just a few years away from us, and even now it is quite good.
Of course everything else he said is stupid.
10/27/2011 7:28:55 PM
As a language instructor, I have seen many assignments which are the product of the machine translation schlafly is promoting. Here's an example:
"Disney directed many of feature length film; example is 'Snow White and Several Midgets'"
I fully endorse the Conservative Bible Project. I think it's a wonderful way to create a version of the bible in which the stupidity of the writing matches the stupidity of the ideas.
10/27/2011 8:38:11 PM
readily available online =/= well understood by internets people
and please let me know what bridges you've built so I can stay the hell away from them
10/27/2011 8:46:24 PM
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